I’ve talked quite a bit about having a support system and its benefits. But what if your support system is actually the most toxic part of your life?
Having a toxic support system is like asking the guy, who’s kicking you in the leg, what he thinks you should do to make him stop. It’s weird, it’s confusing, and you don’t really solve any problems in this way.
Yes, it’s good to have a healthy support system, but how can you tell which is which?
Signs your support system is toxic
It may seem like the people who care about you, really care about you. You think of your family and assume they wish you no harm, right?
There are those who already know about the dysfunction in their families and with their friends. However, we keep going back to them for help. Are they toxic? Or are we just misunderstanding the advice?
Let’s examine several signs of a toxic support system.
1. Feeding on drama
Pay attention to people when you tell them your problems. Do their eyes light up when you talk about negative situations? Do they get excited when you talk about getting hurt?
If so, you’re dealing with a person who feeds off drama. They are not a healthy source of support. Stop feeding them.
Have you ever shared something negative with your family that you’ve done, just to get criticized, and then they do the same thing? Well, a toxic support system will have a hypocrite who gives you advice that they will not take themselves.
Let’s say, your sister tells you to stop judging people, and yet, you watch her judge her friends all the time. You cannot learn to be better if the person who is helping you is just as unhealthy or worse. Don’t talk to the hypocrites.
3. Your own mind offends them
A toxic person in your support system will want you to think just like they do. If you decide to reject their advice, they act like you’ve done something wrong to them. They are offended, and offended people can sometimes hold a grudge.
These are not positive people who want to help you. These are people who want a pet to train. Don’t be fooled.
People who talk to you about other people will also talk to other people about you. I know you’ve heard that before. And it’s true.
If you consider someone who gossips a member of your support system, then you’re mistaken. Don’t allow gossipers to know your business, as they do not really support you at all.
5. They create conflict
Another sign that you may have a toxic support system is that one of your trusted confidants loves to instigate problems. Have you noticed how your father likes to start fights and then drag your name into the conversation?
Yeah, this is not good at all. Not only is he causing unnecessary drama, but he’s also involving you. He may tell you that he’s taking up for you, but it’s just for his own pleasure.
Maybe it’s not your dad, but your sister, or your friends. Either way, instigators are toxic people who pretend to support you.
6. Unreasonable and abnormal
A fake support system will suggest unreasonable or abnormal solutions to your problems.
For instance, you could be married to a toxic man who masquerades as supportive. This is all kinds of messed up. And maybe your husband thinks that if you threaten to quit your job, you’re sure to get what you’re asking for.
This is just overkill. And this is also a toxic support system in your life, which isn’t supportive at all.
7. Indecent and disrespectful
You may consider your wife your main source of support. This may be true. Then again, she may be disrespectful of your space, your time, and speak harshly about your friends and family. She is no healthy support system. She has toxic traits like selfishness.
Now, I guess that’s a bit harsh, but the truth doesn’t lie. You can see the negative behavior when she’d rather insult your friends instead of helping you make peace with them.
8. Childish treatment
If you have a rather childish group of people telling you how childish you are, that doesn’t make sense. You’re going to get nowhere learning from immaturity.
The only thing you can take from this group is knowing exactly what you don’t want to be. Childish people cannot help others learn to make mature decisions. They are toxic pieces of your support system.
9. Never taking responsibility
If your mother never takes responsibility for her actions, what can she teach you? People must be honest about who they are and take responsibility for mistakes they’ve made. This means so much.
If they cannot do this simple task in life, then they cannot support or help you either. It’s just toxic to deny things instead of facing them.
10. Just negative all the time
Here’s a personal experience: I have a friend who is always negative about everything. But for some strange reason, I keep going to him for advice. When I started writing this blog post, I realized that my friend was a toxic part of my support system.
So, if every time you talk about problems with a friend you consider supportive, and all they do is talk doom and gloom, it’s only going to make you feel worse. It’s toxic.
Do you have a toxic support system?
Now that you have a few indicators at your fingertips, slide down the list and see if it matches your help group. You may be surprised by any signs that ring true.
However, I hope you have a healthy support system, and this list doesn’t apply to your situation at all. And if it does, now you know.
~ Much love ~
- 5 Phases of the Cycle of Trauma and How to Break It - October 2, 2022
- 7 Signs Someone Is Projecting Emotions onto You - September 24, 2022
- 7 Painful Psychological Effects of Growing Up Without a Mother - September 20, 2022
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