Narcissists need constant attention and validation to boost their ego. So, the one thing they will not tolerate is being ignored. If you are their narcissistic supply and you’ve cut them off, you can expect a reaction. But it won’t be a genuine response.
They don’t care about you. They care about what you do for them. Remember, everything is a game to a narcissist, and they’ll up their game to get you back. Here’s what happens when you ignore a narcissist.
In healthy relationships, you’d be worried if your partner stopped talking to you. But narcissists think you’re playing a game to either make a point or get their attention. So, they’ll play you at your own game and give you the silent treatment. They will assume you’ll be the first to break the silence.
If you don’t respond, they’ll try to hoover you back by making you jealous. They’ll flood social media with pictures of them having fun or partying with new people, or they might post funny memes or wellness quotes. These show they’re not missing or thinking about you.
Much like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz sent out her flying monkeys to do her dirty work, narcissists do the same. When you ignore a narcissist, they’ll involve others in their drama. They’ll play the victim or use their superficial charm to get people hooked into their relationship.
Once in this unholy triangle, monkeys are used to spy, report back and spread rumors.
When a narcissist realizes you’re serious about ending the relationship, they’ll increase their efforts, but subtly at first. Suddenly, they’ll start popping up in places they know you frequent. They figure that if you see them, you’ll realize what a good thing you’re missing.
When narcissists first meet you, they love-bomb you into a whirlwind relationship. But they can’t maintain this facade for long. What happens with a narcissist when you ignore them is a repeat of this charm offensive.
Narcissists are fond of making promises because they have no intention of keeping them. They’ll swear to God they’re going to change and be the person you fell in love with. They admit they’ve missed you and offer to ‘fix’ all your concerns. It’s just a ruse.
Even if a narcissist doesn’t want you anymore, they won’t tolerate you ignoring them. In fact, they can become more obsessed with you after the relationship has ended.
Narcissists have such a high opinion of themselves they cannot understand why you don’t want to be around them. They bombard you with texts, emails, and calls. They interrogate your friends and turn up uninvited and unannounced at your work and home.
A narcissist will rarely hurt themselves; however, they will threaten it to provoke a reaction from you. Empaths are often attracted to narcissists because they want to help others, and while threats like these are challenging for anyone to ignore, empaths find threats to self-harm impossible to ignore.
The longer you ignore a narcissist, the more manipulative and vindictive they become. There are no depths they won’t plumb to break your silence. They will even use private weaknesses or secrets you’ve shared against you to get you back or destroy you as a punishment for ignoring them.
When it’s obvious that their tactics are not working, a narcissist will focus on destroying your life. They’ll smear your name to friends, work colleagues, and family members. Watch out for people not talking to you anymore, or problems at work. This is all evidence of narcissist interfering.
Ignoring a narcissist is like poking a bear. It’s guaranteed to get a reaction. Attention is a narcissist’s life force. They can’t live without it and believe it is their absolute birthright to receive it. Grandiose narcissists will have a ferocious reaction to being ignored. It is a terrifying experience to witness narcissistic rage.
Experts of narcissism are mixed on this. Some advise the Gray Rock Method, where you actively ignore the narcissist and never respond. However, others believe that this escalates their disturbing behavior. So, what’s the answer? It depends on the type of narcissist and how close they are to a narcissistic collapse.
When you ignore narcissists, they no longer receive the attention that boosts their ego, self-esteem, and self-image. This challenge to their self-worth triggers ‘narcissistic injury’. Vulnerable narcissists feel shame and humiliation and slip into victimhood, but grandiose narcissists are furious. They act aggressively with violence.
Vulnerable narcissists keep you in a trauma loop by playing the victim and guilt-tripping, so extracting yourself from them is challenging. Experts advise no contact with them whatsoever. Block their number, email and socials. Ignore them in public and never respond to threats of self-harm.
If you must engage with them, for example, if you share custody of children, remain as un-engaged, unemotional, and impersonal as possible. Eventually, if you stay consistent, they will lose interest and find another supply.
The advice is different for grandiose narcissists because they react in a far more aggressive manner when they’re ignored. Grandiose narcissists are tyrants who are legends in their own minds and simply won’t accept you ignoring them. Ignoring a grandiose narcissist unleashes the full force of their wrath, and this can be dangerous.
Experts suggest ‘muting’ grandiose narcissists. For example, keeping texts short but polite, engaging as little as possible and only attending events you absolutely have to. Grandiose narcissists will hopefully look elsewhere for a more fulfilling supply.
Ignoring a narcissist is full of challenges, but I wish you could enter the mind of one, just for a day, to see just what they think of you. You’d realize that they don’t think about you at all.
While you’re analyzing every aspect of the relationship and agonizing over their well-being, they are already planning how to manipulate you into contacting them, or they are focusing on their next conquest. This is what happens when you ignore a narcissist.
