When a narcissist is nice to you, it doesn’t mean they are being genuine. A Narcissist is a manipulative individual with a self-serving attitude.
If a narcissist is nice to you, it may not mean what you think. I will just be blunt. They probably do not care about you as much as they proclaim. There is usually an underlying reason for their good behavior that revolves around selfish benefits from their actions. It’s a tough pill to swallow. I get it.
When a narcissist is nice to you, beware.
Narcissists can be frightening. And it‘s not always due to physical fears. The level of manipulation that this toxic person uses can have devastating consequences on your mental health and your future. So today, we want to examine the true reason a narcissist plays the kindness card or chooses to use a façade to entice you.
Here are a few reasons why the narcissist is being nice to you.
1. They gain narcissistic supply
Never forget that the narcissist must always have a “supply”. The source of their supply must be willing to give them attention and praise them for ordinary tasks. Otherwise, they crumble.
The narcissist thrives on the devotion of others. So, when a narcissist is nice to you, it could be that they are doing this to retain their supply. If they feel as if you are actually doing things for yourself, they revert to love-bombing.
2. They are love-bombing you
Speaking of love-bombing, here’s another reason why the narcissist is nice to you. In the beginning, this toxic person will shower you with gifts, compliments, and praise. They understand that to secure the narcissistic supply, they must make you fall in love with them quickly. And when you do, they gradually decrease their positive behavior.
This is called love bombing, and it’s insidious.
3. “Tit for tat” mentality
This is when the narcissist does nice things to set you up for future guilt tripping. What I mean is this: They do just enough thoughtful things for you so they can use this later on during arguments.
The narcissist is notorious for bringing up anything in the past that makes them look good and things that make you look bad. When you do something to upset them, or you tell them no, they will then say something like this:
“I did all those nice things for you, and look how you repay me.”
Does this sound familiar?
4. They make you dependent on them
A narcissist is nice to you so they retain control. For instance, they may say,
“You don’t need to work. I will take care of you”.
This is designed to strip you of your independence, so you will have a harder time leaving them when you realize who they are. This is a calculated act that most narcissists design from the beginning. It’s often woven into the love-bombing they use. And if you decide to let them take care of you, they rarely ever live up to their promises.
5. They are trying to win you back
When the narcissist sees that you’ve figured them out, they do one or two things. Either they move on to another supply, or they attempt to win you back. And if they try to win you back, they go above and beyond with nice gestures.
While some people actually want to change for their relationship to work, the narcissist just wants to keep you around because, usually, you are highly empathetic. Empathy is something the narcissist loves to feed on.
6. They want others to see them
One reason why the narcissist is nice to you is that they want others to see what they do. To those who do not know the truth about them, they appear to be kind and considerate individuals.
As you can see, the narcissist can be kind, but they choose to use kindness as just another part of their performance. To them, kindness is just as fake as they are. Unless you live with the narcissist or have in the past, you will not be able to see just how evil their actions really are.
Why are they like this?
The narcissist lost their true identity early in life. Due to various forms of abuse, these toxic individuals grew to think that manipulation and self-serving behavior are normal. It is not. They are generally victims of neglect as a child, or experience verbal and mental abuse by their parents or other loved ones.
BUT, it is not your responsibility to fix them. Because, for one, it’s incredibly difficult to get them to seek therapy. They deny what they do, and furthermore, they claim that you have the problem. They can also convince others that you have the problem as well. In this way, they can be dangerous people who can destroy your life.
And I know that some of you care deeply for a narcissist. But if you aren’t careful in dealing with them, their behavior can damage your self-esteem and your overall mental health and well-being. These issues can cause physical health problems in some cases.
So, maybe suggest that they seek help, but do not let them change how you feel about yourself. Stay strong, and if you need to, get away from them.
Sending you all the love in your journey.
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