Who Are You When No One Is Watching? The Answer May Surprise You!

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who are you when no one is watching

Beyond the assumptions and the mask that you wear, who are you? Are you the same person that you show to everyone else?

It’s a rare thing to encounter a human being that is the same in all surroundings. There’s usually a persona for work, a character for home and one for the club, parties and social scenes. There should be a mask rack instead of one for hats. I guess I’m over-dramatizing, but there’s a point here. I want to know who you are when no one’s looking, even when your family isn’t around.

Who is the raw person with secret fears and inhibitions? Hmmm, who are you?

Let me be honest with you. I struggle with the reconciliation of the “sides of my personality”. I am torn between being who society thinks I should be, and who I am when alone. I want to be unified in my soul, but pressure from the outside makes me want to conform. I ask myself, on many occasions, “Who are you?” The answer is different from one moment to the next as I try to find my moral compass.

This may look bad to you at first glance, but if you look within, you will see those dark corners and secret passageways yourself. No single one of us is beyond wearing a mask. Yes, some may be more accustomed to living in two, three, or even four states of being feeling no remorse, but even the most honest person has moments where they present another face to the public and it eats away at them. I would like to examine why we do this.

Why do we live various lives, wear numerous masks and partake of these personas?

It’s simple, we know the lives we live in secret aren’t made for everyone, but yet, we want to please everybody if possible. I know, we say it’s not possible to be pleasing to everyone and we don’t care, but we try, and yes, we do care. Our easiest avenue to please others is to conform to their environment and their ideals. Although we may try to retain our honest identity, we will, more than likely, fail.

There are a few ways to determine your true identity when no one is watching.

With all this being said, who are you when no one is watching? It’s not so hard to figure out, although you may not like the answer. In order to discover who you are, you have to take a deeper look at the surface. Yes, I said it right, just bear with me.

Take a look at your dark side

Everyone has one, a dark side, and no you don’t have to be Darth Vader to have one. I have a dark side, and I won’t divulge it here. Now, take a look at what I just said. “I will not divulge my dark side.” And why is this so important? Because your dark side is your favorite identity, no matter how depraved and perverted it may be. What you hide and what you keep the closest to your soul is the most enjoyable.

Now our dark personas are varied, some are horrific, while others only contain curse words and nasty habits. What I’m about to say is quite controversial, but if you know me, you know I don’t hold back. Think about this: serial killers are sure of their depravity, and yes, they usually portray something quite different to the unknowing world, but they are simpler human beings than the rest of us.

We can reconcile our pieces, nowhere near as well as the serial killer. Most of the time, they only have to keep up with two distinct sides, portions which are horrible but are also crisp, clear representations of their whole identity, as opposite as they may be. We, on the other hand, are more convoluted than that.

Love and infidelity

I hate talking about this because society is stricken with more than a few false ideas about love. Number one: no one is perfect, so forget that. Number two: love is a journey, a process and when you start changing masks in this area, it gets destructive.

Who are you when it comes to loving someone? Are you polyamorous and open about it, are you unfaithful and hide it or are you loyal till the end and love your mate for who they really are? There are only three options, and unfortunately, there are masks for each one. Choose wisely.

What are the words coming out of our mouths?

Think about what you say to your spouse, your friends and your family. Do you later regret some of those words? Do they misrepresent who you really are? They probably do. Our words are designed to bridge the gap between us and what we wish to display.

If we say, “Have a nice day”, do we really care if someone has a nice day or do we wish to get in good favor with them by being “nice”. Later they may comment on what a nice person we are. Is this really true? Are we really this nice, or do we just kiss up for a favor?

When we are alone, how often are we concerned with someone’s “nice day”? Do you really care about people or do you wish for them to see you as a caring person?

Makeup, fancy clothing – what are we trying to portray?

This is not all our fault, mind you, but we have become walking talking fake people. Make-up and nice clothing are not bad on their own, but we have turned these things into crutches.

There are many people who cannot even leave their homes without plastering their faces with three layers of foundation, toner, and highlighter. I know this because I tried to hang with a make-up club on Facebook for a while. I just cannot keep up with that level of recreation. Clothing is a crutch as well.

Everyone has to have the newest heels, the cleanest jackets and damn those Nikes, jeez. There are plenty of wealthy people who enjoy these amenities, but there are just as many poverty stricken people who spend money on statements and yes, faces. The truth is, we are using these things to become something that we’re not. All that contouring of the face hides the true size of your nose, the length of your forehead and changes both your physical face and who you are inside.

Spiritual lies

I struggle in this area, and I am going to reveal my inner demons, right here and right now… well, a few. I attend a church, as an established religion. I also meditate in a more “alternative” manner when I am alone. These routes of spirituality do not meet. My form of meditation is along the lines of more primitive beliefs, having studied Wiccan spiritualities and Native American spiritualities for many years between Christian doctrines.

I also partook of the Mormon faith, Apostolic and Pentecostal religions as well, which molded certain morals within me. On the flip side, practicing voodoo rituals and attending organized worship services continued my routine of being torn between two distinct factions.

The problem with organized religion is that I cannot agree with some of the principles and laws. Now, the part that divides who I am with who I display lies within the fact that I still attend Sunday services.This leaves many questions in your mind, I guess, except for those who just see me as hypocritical. But it’s deeper than that, and this is where I plead the fifth.

Spirituality, or the lack of, has a huge impact on our inability to show “true face.” There are many people like me, who attend regular services and practice more primitive avenues when alone. Most of them would never make this admission. I hope, in my telling, that I am able to peel back one layer of my mask to reveal my truths. But my deep revelation lies within the true reconciliation of my beliefs, which I hope in the future, will be corrected. Kudos to the atheist who never hides their unbelief! ha!

The true persona lies within the divide

I’m about to lay the whole truth on you. Are you ready? I have found, through research and personal experience that the divide is where the true self resides. In that moment, when you realize that you are a split human being, that is where your soul is open wide. That is where the truth cannot hide. You realize that how you treat your friends is different than how you treat your employer and how you treat yourself when alone is different than how you treat your spouse.

Who are you? You are the realization that you are not what you seem. You are the truth behind every lie you ever tell to appear “normal,” to fit in and to be safe. You are secrets you hide and the mistakes that you make.

You are imperfect, you do wear masks. Maybe, just maybe, that’s okay for now. At least you know the truth.

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Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.




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2 Comments

  1. Lisa Read June 5, 2017 at 12:07 am - Reply

    Thank you. This was just what I needed to hear this morning. Now I can get on with my day in peace. 🙂

    • Sherrie July 7, 2017 at 8:24 pm - Reply

      Lisa,

      Sometimes, just to hear we are not the only ones, is what makes life easier. Peace is found embedded in the truth, past the ugliness and the raw reality of it.

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