Have you ever asked yourself, “Why am I so mean?” Well, if you notice it, then there’s hope. The thing is, we don’t always know when we’re being rude, but we can learn.

Life is complicated. I believe I’ve said this a dozen times. But regardless, you have to understand the complex makeup of people to understand just how strange life can really be. One moment, you’ll be enjoying life, oblivious to things you’re doing, and the minute noticing that you’re driving people away.

There could be a reason this is happening, and it could be because you are just… rude.

‘Why Am I So Mean’? 7 Neglected Reasons of Rude Behavior

It’s simple and it’s not. I think most of us are mean unintentionally at times, hurting feelings and even losing friends in severe instances. But as humans, we’ve become somewhat coarse in how we deal with others. We don’t treat others as we would have them treat us sometimes. This is noticed too.

The good news is, you can get better with how you treat others. But first, you have to get to the root of the problem. There are neglected reasons for your rude behavior, and to fix yourself, you need to notice what you’re doing and find these little slights. Let’s explore so we can be kinder to others.

1. Maybe you’re just blunt

I can relate to this neglected reason. When I talk to people, I don’t generally sugar-coat things. Unfortunately, many people take this blunt speech as my dislike for them. While I’m not really a people person, I love all people. I just don’t spend lots of time socializing, and so I am blunt and to the point.

How can I fix this? Well, since this is a problem that I have personally, I can say one thing: I need patience. So many individuals are extroverted. They like being around others and talking. So, in order to not sound so blunt, I guess I should elaborate a bit more, smile, and maybe add a conversation topic of my own.

No, it’s not easy, but bluntness is hurting some people and can make you sound mean sometimes.

2. You have no filter

I bet you know what I mean when I say you have no filter. If you ask yourself why you are so mean, maybe it’s because that information you should have kept in your head came rambling out of your mouth.

Most people have a filter between what they think and what they say. Some individuals think having no filter is a good thing – it makes them feel more ‘real’. But another thing it does is hurt the feelings of others. Some things are meant to stay in your head and not on your tongue.

3. You don’t make eye contact

Making eye contact, even just for a moment, can let someone know you aren’t mean. It conveys a welcoming vibe and offers friendship. If you cannot make eye contact with someone, many assumptions are made including, maybe you lie, or you think you’re superior to others.

There’s really no way to read the thoughts of those who wonder why you don’t make eye contact. It could seem extremely mean to some people. So, try to make eye contact, don’t stare, but at least meet their gaze for a moment every now and then during a conversation.

4. You talk, but you don’t listen

Having a conversation can be interesting and fun. But if you’re the only one talking and you’re never listening, it can seem cold. A good form of communication requires a give and take.

This means you should listen twice as much as you talk. If the other person does this, then the conversation can be quite lovely. You can seem mean if you hog the conversation, so learn to keep your mouth shut a bit more.

5. You’re sending strange signals

Your body language can also make you seem rude or mean. If you have a default frown, or you cross your arms, you will look unapproachable.

In order to show you are really a kind person, keep an open stance. Let your arms hang at your side, smile more often, and don’t spend all your time staring at your phone. If you send open and warm signals, you will get the same in return. You won’t have to wonder why you are so mean.

6. You stare at people

I guess it’s kind of obvious to most people that staring is rude. But sometimes, you can stare at others and just be lost in your thoughts.

There are instances when you might find someone attractive and this causes you to stare, but when it does, practice pulling your eyes away. If they catch you staring, then smile. This helps them understand that you aren’t just being rude or mean. You may actually just be admiring something about them.

7. You’re always late

It is a bad habit to always be late, and first of all, you need to stop that for many reasons. But, did you know that being constantly late makes some people think you’re rude or dislike them? It’s true. When you are late, you’re sending the message that your time is worth much more than the time given to others, whether it’s your job, a social event, or just dinner at a friend’s house.

So, in order to break this neglected reason, we should practice being on-time more often. Hey, it can cost you your job being late all the time, so it’s really important to fix this.

Learning to Be Better People

Why am I so mean? Well, it’s probably just because I’ve become lazy and impatient in the presence of others. There’s probably a little bit of selfishness in there, but over time, I can improve.

It’s okay that you’ve discovered this part of your personality because now, you can fix it. I can come off as rude and mean too. In fact, I know people tend to think of me this way. But I want to be better, so the only way that I can do this is to try. Let’s try together, shall we?


  1. https://www.bustle.com
  2. https://www.apa.org

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