I’m a single lady, and I love it. I choose to be single for many reasons. However, sometimes I envy the support and companionship married couples enjoy. Are you still single and wondering if there’s something wrong with you?
Don’t worry. Statistics show that the number of single people is rising. Fewer people are getting married, more people are getting divorced or becoming widowed. Many have never been in a relationship.
But statistics can only tell us the trends. What are the psychological reasons? Perhaps you’re asking, “Why am I still single?”
Below, you’ll find 16 answers to that question. I’ve also interspersed these answers with quotes from actual single people.
“What’s wrong with being single?” ― Amanda Manis
The biggest answer to “Why am I still single?” is you are an introvert. We need to socialize and meet people to date them. Then, hopefully, this progresses into a relationship.
The problem is that introverts rarely meet new people. Sure, you might have your group of friends, but if you don’t get ‘out there’, you’ll stay single.
You might be tall, handsome, muscular, toned and gorgeous, but if you’ve got no game, none of that matters. To engage others, you need people skills. You must be sociable, make small talk, and be approachable. If you can’t do these things, all the looks in the world won’t help.
“Why? Because not everyone can handle fabulous.” ― Melina Martin
People can smell desperation a mile away. There’s that saying about love; you find it when you’re not looking.
Confident people with high self-esteem are attractive. They draw people to them. We want a piece of their life. We want to be involved with them. In contrast, others seek to love to make up for their inadequacies.
You move forward with self-reflection. Learning from past mistakes is part of growing. However, self-punishment serves no purpose. Maybe you abused an ex-partner, or you ended a relationship badly. Now you can’t forgive yourself. You feel inadequate or not worthy of a relationship and potential dates can sense this.
There are some of us that didn’t date through high school or college. Dating early allows you to make the same mistakes as everyone else. Now you’re older, you can’t make these mistakes at your age. You’ve got no experience of dating.
Your friends have established romantic relationships or gotten married. You don’t have a wingman because your friends live far away from you.
“Why am I still single? Because, thanks to online dating, I am capped out on crazy material to add to my next book.” ― Nikki Greene Adame
I’ve written a lot about body language because I find it fascinating. But I can’t tell when guys like me. I can’t read body language, I don’t know if you’re flirting, and don’t even start with subtle clues. Unless you tell me you want to date me, I don’t know what’s going through your mind.
To you, the signs you’re giving might be obvious. Then there’s always the additional fear that I’m reading the signals wrong and will make a fool of myself.
If you’ve been single for a long time, opening your life up to someone else is nerve-wracking. You get stuck in a routine that suits you. It’s comfortable, like a cozy room with a log fire.
Opening up and committing to someone is like opening your front door and letting in the cold. You grow accustomed to living a certain way and change is frightening.
“Because I have learned to love being alone with all of the freedom and creative time it’s afforded me. If someone wants to be in my life, they have to enhance my life. If not, I’ll stay single, thank you.” ― Matt Sweetwood
“Why am I still single?”, you ask. Perhaps you are too picky.
Are particular body types off-limits to you? Do you hate tattoos on women? Do you only date tall, dark, and handsome guys or women with good bodies? Is smoking a deal breaker? Are a person’s political views important to you? Do they have to like dogs or cats?
If you have a list of deal breakers longer than things you like, you’re probably better being single. No one is perfect after all, not even you.
Have you had kids? Did you never want kids? Do you not want anything to do with kids? That’s completely understandable.
Raising your own children is hard enough. As an ex-stepmother, I can attest to the sacrifices you make for your partner’s children. That being said, my experience was wonderful and as a childless person, I feel privileged to have been in my step kids’ lives.
However, I’m not here to convince you to do the same, but it might be the reason you are still single.
“The truth is, it’s quite awesome not having to check in with anyone but yourself.” ― Jessica Fernandez
If you’ve had lots of failed relationships in the past, you might see red flags everywhere.
Maybe your partner cheated on you, and you find flirtatious behavior threatening. In the past, you dated a mummy’s boy; now close family relationships trigger you. If you were in a coercive-controlling relationship, you might look out for signs of controlling behavior.
The minute you see a red flag, you’re out, and this is why you are still single.
Why am I still single, I hear you ask? I was in a controlling and manipulative relationship and my self-esteem plummeted. He made me feel worthless because of my anxiety and, to be honest; it puts me off relationships.
It hasn’t turned me against men. It’s just that now I don’t have to account for my whereabouts or actions or have every part of my life scrutinized again. Now, I love being free. I can do what I want when I want and I’m slowly building my confidence up. I know why I am still single and it’s fine.
“Because I’m not willing to settle!” ― Ashley Danielle
Some people get attached too easily to others. You don’t know the person, but you fill in your gaps of knowledge with your own wants and desires. Then you get stuck in a cycle of putting all your hopes into one person.
That doesn’t work out, and you have to start over. Now you become scared of moving the relationship onto the next level, but a part of you is desperate to speed things up.
Maybe you don’t have a great job, or perhaps you’re unemployed.
Are you living in your parents’ garage or basement and feeling embarrassed about bringing people home? Perhaps you don’t drive and everyone you know has a car. These are just material things. Personality, kindness and compassion are important.
“Yes, meaningful companionship is essential, but your life shouldn’t be any less valuable in the absence of a relationship.” ― Soumia Aziz
If social media is anything to go by, no one is ever at home; we are all out and socializing, living our best lives, and having fun 24/7. We look amazing, have tons of friends, and it’s glorious.
I don’t know about you, but this in no way represents my life. I rarely go out, and when I do, it’s something boring like seeing a movie or going to a restaurant. Who would want to pair up with me? I watch crap TV, chain-smoke, and get takeout. I can give you mediocre sex, but I’ll complain a lot.
We get to a point in our lives where we don’t put up with BS. We are too old for mind games or manipulating behavior.
Being outspoken can be off-putting to potential partners. You’ve got a choice here; either tone it down or stick to your guns. It depends on what you want. However, you don’t have to be blunt or put up a false front when you meet new people.
“Because the ordinary people I meet bore me. I also love walking around wearing pajama pants and no bra.” ― Jami Dedman
Relationships take effort and compromise to make them work. If you see this as a sacrifice, perhaps you’re not ready. You may have other priorities like work or children that you want to focus on.
Juggling work, kids, friends and a romantic relationship is time-consuming. You might think it’s not worth the hassle.
Why am I still single? Hopefully, now you have the answer. If you are happy being single, I hope I’ve relieved your anxieties. At least you can clarify where you are at this stage in life.
However, if you don’t want to be still single, having an open mind, being a little more adventurous, and allowing yourself closure for past mistakes will go a long way.
References:
