My life hasn’t always been stable. I have often asked myself, “Why do I feel like everyone hates me?” So, it’s okay if you’ve asked yourself this same question.
In my younger adulthood, I struggled terribly with my self-esteem. I asked myself many questions about the worth and validity of my dreams. I remember battling depression and wondering why the world hated me because I felt like it did.
Why do I feel like everyone hates me?
Going to school was hard in the 80s. To have feelings that everyone hated you were common. I had frequent conversations with my best friend – she complained about school and I asked her, “Why do I feel like everyone hates me?” She said, “Who cares. I think you’re awesome. “ And that would satisfy me until my next downer. Maybe you and your best friend had this same kind of conversation.
If you feel like everyone hates you, then it’s deeper than sadness. It’s a serious issue that must be addressed for its truth – the truth is your self-esteem has been badly damaged. There are many reasons why this feeling started in the first place. Knowing what these reasons are will lead you to the next step, realizing your true worth in society.
1. Two-fold manipulation
When you feel like everyone hates you, it comes from a two-fold process. First, you push certain people away for various reasons, and when you feel lonely, they don’t come around. You genuinely feel neglected, but it started after you failed to answer phone calls and live up to your promises to your friends and loved ones.
2. Everything has a hidden meaning
Before you start feeling like you’re hated, you often take things the wrong way. For example: if someone posts a negative statement on social media, you automatically think the statement is about you. You don’t take the time to understand that the statement could be about someone else.
When friends say they are busy, you assume they’re avoiding you, and this, in turn, makes you feel bad about yourself. Soon, you believe that no one really likes you to begin with.
3. You’re left out often
Have you noticed friends leaving you out of social events on multiple occasions? There are circumstances that come along which create misunderstandings like this. If you’re the type of person who thinks these circumstances are done on purpose, you may start to think your friends secretly hate you and just pretend to accidentally leave you out.
When in truth, there really can be multiple coincidences like this. Maybe you are unknowingly sending a message that you don’t wish to be approached by these friends. There could actually be many reasons why this happens.
4. Major changes in socialization
While life changes constantly, right now, one reason why you may feel like everyone hates you is because of the lack of socialization. So many of us are staying at home much more than usual. And if you’re an introvert, you may barely see people at all – with the exception of going to the grocery, paying bills and etc.
So, before you rant and rave asking, “Why do I feel like everyone hates me?”, consider the fact that they probably don’t dislike you at all. They’re just not coming around like they used to. It may be a while until they do.
5. Their texts are misleading
One thing I’ve always hated about texting is not being able to see the emotion behind the words. The truth is, sometimes people are exhausted, and this makes them text shorter sentences. Sometimes they are angry about something else and this causes a sense of awkwardness through messages, in whatever way you misinterpret those.
Thinking your friends hate you because they’re “short texting” or such, is a common mistake, believe it or not. I’ve been guilty of this myself.
6. Secret insecurities
As much as I hate to admit this one, I must say, my insecurities have made me think certain people disliked me. This may happen to you as well. Now, don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you’re always insecure. It just means insecurities can sneak in and create a whole range of emotional turmoil. Many times, it translates into an imagined hatred from others.
How can I stop thinking this way?
The most important thing to do now is to practice thinking in the opposite direction. Yes, I know, it’s that positive thinking cliché again, but hey, it does help sometimes. When you’re alone asking yourself, “Why do I feel like everyone hates me?”, remember to tell yourself, “I have to stop thinking this way.”
There are a few ways you can start training your mind to appreciate friends and loved ones and see them in a better light. You cannot always keep thinking they hate you, because, and I am going out on a limb with this one, I am sure they don’t hate you at all. So, let’s learn how to do better. Here are a few tips.
1. Do things you enjoy
That’s right, when you feel negative, go do something that you really love. This will liven your spirits. Before you know it, you will be calling friends to discuss what you enjoy.
2. Journal your interactions
If you think there are more bad times than good, then keep a journal and find out. I bet, you will notice quite a few positive interactions between you and your friends and loved ones.
3. Get rid of the toxic ones
One reason you may feel hated is that you have a few toxic people in your life. If you can, stay away from them. The more you stay away, the less you will feel like everyone hates you.
4. Help someone
No matter what the negative situation may be, helping others always seems to help you too. If you feel hated, help someone move, cook a nice meal for a friend, or offer to help a loved one clean. Most people adore helpers.
Let’s do this together
As I’ve stated before, I am not perfect, and nowhere near it. However, I’ve learned so much from analyzing myself and why I feel the way I do. I noticed the other day that I had so few friends that it was hard to find someone to call for help with a personal issue. If you keep feeling like everyone hates you, then you will end in desolation.
The good news is, I know what to do about it. Online friends are good, but we also need physically close friends. We must have someone to be there for us, and we cannot push them all away. I hope, together, we can open up to more possibilities and kill that old self-hatred feeling.
I have confidence in us all. Good luck, you guys.
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Great article! There couldn’t be a better time to read this with all the changes in our social lives. Another thing I find useful is from the book The Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris. We can’t control our thoughts, but you can give the negative thoughts less power internally. If you have a thought “This person probably doesn’t like me because —-“, simply rephrase it as “I had the thought that this person probably doesn’t like me because —-“, and go even further by phrasing it as “This morning I had the thought that this person probably doesn’t like me because —-“. It instantly gives you a better handle on the negative thoughts. Another useful trick is to sing the thought to the tune of a song in your head.
John,
Good points here… I try to use this thought process as well. I get criticized all the time and honestly, most people have no idea who I really am. I do come off a bit harsh, abrasive, and just plain mean sometimes, but I know what I’m thinking, and yes, I know I always have to work on certain aspects of my personality. In short, I’m a difficult person to know. I think you are onto some good stuff there because we do have to remind ourselves that not everything said to us is because of us. Other people lash out because of something they have going on. Then again, sometimes it is us. Thank you for reading and thank you so much for your wisdom.