{"id":49765,"date":"2023-09-08T13:13:51","date_gmt":"2023-09-08T10:13:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/?p=49765"},"modified":"2023-09-08T13:13:51","modified_gmt":"2023-09-08T10:13:51","slug":"things-toxic-partners-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/things-toxic-partners-say\/","title":{"rendered":"15 Things Toxic Partners Say (That Are Red Flags in a Relationship)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>How do you recognize a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/signs-of-a-toxic-relationship\/\">toxic relationship<\/a>? Most of the time, we don\u2019t realize until it\u2019s too late. Manipulators are charming smooth talkers. They <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/love-bombing-narcissist\/\">love bomb<\/a> or charm their way into our lives. Once we invest in the relationship, they show their true identity. So, what should we be looking for? The things toxic partners say fall into four categories:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>blame,<\/li>\n<li>criticism,<\/li>\n<li>gaslighting,<\/li>\n<li>guilt-tripping.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>15 Things Toxic Partners Say<\/h2>\n<h3>Blame<\/h3>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cLook what you made me do.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/abusive-relationships-reasons\/\">Physically abusive partners<\/a> say this to avoid responsibility for their actions. It\u2019s your fault they slapped you because you were looking at that girl in the store. They punched you because you left the house in a mess.<\/p>\n<p>Things toxic partners say often revolve around blame. It allows them to excuse their behavior.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cIt\u2019s your fault I\u2019m like this.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Toxic partners say things like this to avoid their abusive behavior. They put the onus on <em>you<\/em> and what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n<p>For example, if you weren\u2019t such a flirt, they wouldn\u2019t get <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/jealous-people-phrases\/\">jealous<\/a>. Or, if you did not ruin dinner every night, they wouldn\u2019t have to complain. Shirking responsibility by blaming you makes you question yourself.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cYou knew what I was like when you met me.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/controlling-people-signs\/\">Controlling partners<\/a> often say things like this to excuse how they behave. They\u2019ll tell you they\u2019re too old to change and you must accept them for who they are. Whether they are emotionally or physically abusive, they cannot change, and you shouldn\u2019t ask them.<\/p>\n<p>Again, it\u2019s your fault and a way of getting away with toxic behavior.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cWhy do you make it so difficult to love you?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The toxic partner wants to keep you in the relationship but doesn&#8217;t like you. So, they portray <em>you<\/em> as difficult, and loving you is taking its toll. You are so unlovable. Your partner is a superhero for putting up with you. Why can\u2019t you do better, be better?<\/p>\n<p>Of course, this is a controlling tactic to undermine your confidence. If this person really thought that badly of you, they wouldn\u2019t stay.<\/p>\n<h3>Criticism<\/h3>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cGod, you\u2019re so stupid.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Things toxic partners say often involve criticism of some sort.<\/p>\n<p>Towards the end of my relationship with a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/coercive-control-manipulation\/\">coercive-controlling<\/a> partner, I recall him telling me I was \u201cf****** ugly.\u201d Why would a person want to be in a relationship if they thought that? Demeaning language and criticism lower your self-esteem, making it less likely for you to have the confidence to leave the relationship.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cAre you going to ruin another day?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/lack-empathy-people-examples\/\">Lack of empathy<\/a> for someone\u2019s weaknesses is a telltale sign of toxic behavior. Abusers will weaponise your problem and use it against you. Toxic partners accomplish two things with such statements. They humiliate you and increase your anxiety.<\/p>\n<p>Will you make them mad the next time your social anxiety makes it hard for you to accept that invite? Are they going to get moody because you don\u2019t like driving long distances and there\u2019s that trip coming up soon? You live in a constant state of worry.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cNo one else would put up with you.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>As far as things toxic partners say, this is a classic <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/secret-language-manipulators\/\">phrase manipulators<\/a> use. It elevates their status as the ever-suffering partner, whilst lowering yours as the problematic one. Other examples include:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u2018You\u2019re lucky I\u2019m still around\u2019,<\/p>\n<p>\u2018If it wasn\u2019t for me, you\u2019d be on your own\u2019,<\/p>\n<p>\u2018You owe me for everything I\u2019ve had to put up with\u2019.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Abusers can\u2019t control what goes on around you, but they can influence what you think of yourself.<\/p>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-49767\" src=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/things-toxic-partners-say.jpg\" alt=\"things toxic partners say\" width=\"1000\" height=\"1500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/things-toxic-partners-say.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/things-toxic-partners-say-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/things-toxic-partners-say-683x1024.jpg 683w, https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/things-toxic-partners-say-768x1152.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cI\u2019m the only person who understands you.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>You are so awful you\u2019ll never get another partner, and you should feel grateful to be in this relationship. This is an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/how-narcissists-isolate-you\/\">isolating tactic<\/a> used to ensure you rely solely on your abuser. There\u2019s nowhere else for you to go.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cYou\u2019d be nothing without me.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Toxic partners say things like this to undermine your confidence. They make you believe you are useless and wouldn\u2019t be able to cope without them.<\/p>\n<p>A favorite method is to target your weaknesses and amplify them out of proportion. This chips away at your self-esteem until eventually you become dependent on your partner.<\/p>\n<h3>Gaslighting<\/h3>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cYou\u2019re crazy.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/subtle-signs-of-gaslighting\/\">Gaslighting<\/a> is a technique used to mess with your mind. An abuser will do or say something and then deny it happened. \u2018I never said that\u2019 or \u2018I wasn\u2019t even there\u2019 are typical things a toxic partner says. Then they\u2019ll claim you are misinterpreting their actions.<\/p>\n<p>You question your judgment. Maybe it didn\u2019t happen the way you remembered. Have you imagined it all along?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cCalm down, it was just a joke.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Sometimes things toxic partners say are disguised as jokes. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/gaslighting-techniques\/\">Manipulators<\/a> hide cruel words and barbed comments in jokes. When you get upset or question the remark, you\u2019re told to stop being so sensitive, or told you can\u2019t take a joke.<\/p>\n<p>As a result, you doubt yourself. Perhaps you were being too sensitive. Maybe you should loosen up a little. What\u2019s wrong with you? Now you are afraid of overreacting, and you keep your feelings to yourself.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cIt\u2019s no big deal.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>This is a similar tactic to \u2018it\u2019s just a joke\u2019. Your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/emotional-invalidation-signs\/\">feelings are being invalidated<\/a>. Why do you have to make such a big thing out of the situation? You always spoil things. I never had this problem with my ex and so it goes on. They make you feel as if you are the problem when the reverse is true.<\/p>\n<h3>Guilt-tripping<\/h3>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cIf you really loved me&#8230;\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>My ex once said to me, \u2018If you really loved me, you\u2019d stop going to evening classes\u2019. He\u2019d become jealous that I was mixing with other students who shared a common interest. He thought someone who shared my passion would sweep me off my feet.<\/p>\n<p>At first, I placated him. It was the start of our relationship, and I didn\u2019t understand the manipulation. However, he started sulking and giving me the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/silent-treatment-abuse\/\">silent treatment<\/a> every time I attended classes. I soon learned it was easier to pack in my studies than continue.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-47801\" src=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/toxic-parent-signs.jpg\" alt=\"toxic parent signs\" width=\"1100\" height=\"733\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/toxic-parent-signs.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/toxic-parent-signs-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/toxic-parent-signs-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/toxic-parent-signs-768x512.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1100px) 100vw, 1100px\" \/><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cYou owe me after everything I\u2019ve done for you.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>A toxic partner says things like \u2018You owe me\u2019 to keep the relationship going. The idea is they\u2019ve done so much for you they can dominate you. They make you feel ungrateful and guilty. It\u2019s possible they have done a lot for you in the past, but this is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/guilt-trip\/\">guilt-tripping<\/a>. It makes you beholden to that person.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cI\u2019m only like this because I love you so much.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>This is how <a href=\"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/manipulative-people-who-pretend-to-be-nice\/\">some manipulators<\/a> excuse toxic behavior, such as jealousy and control. Their love for you is so overwhelming it makes them say toxic things.<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps they\u2019ve called you a slut in that dress or slapped you in front of your friends for smiling at the server. They\u2019ll excuse their behavior because they have your best interests at heart.<\/p>\n<p>They only want the best for you or to stop you from looking foolish. It\u2019s all down to love. They can\u2019t help the toxic things they say because they love you so much.<\/p>\n<p>Toxic partners say things like these after they\u2019ve done something abusive or controlling. It\u2019s another avoidance technique to shirk responsibility for their actions.<\/p>\n<h2>Final Thoughts<\/h2>\n<p>Do you recognize any of the things toxic partners say to their partners? Words hold power. They can lift or diminish you. Love is not conditional. It does not have to meet certain requirements or expectations and it certainly does not involve demeaning language.<\/p>\n<p><strong>References<\/strong>:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC3161889\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">ncbi.nlm.nih.gov<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.co.uk\/entry\/phrases-emotionally-abusive-partners-relationships_l_6202f53fe4b083570899184c\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">huffingtonpost.co.uk<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Featured image by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.freepik.com\/free-vector\/couple-conflicts-set_9175132.htm\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Freepik<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you recognize a toxic relationship? Most of the time, we don\u2019t realize until it\u2019s too late. Manipulators are charming smooth talkers. They love bomb or charm their way into our lives. Once we invest in the relationship, they show their true identity. So, what should we be looking for? The things toxic partners [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":21,"featured_media":49774,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[145,146],"tags":[242,70,302],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49765"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/21"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=49765"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49765\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":49775,"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49765\/revisions\/49775"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/49774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49765"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=49765"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.learning-mind.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=49765"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}