Disrespect in a relationship isn’t always loud. Some subtle behaviors prove that your partner disrespects you, and they know what they are doing.
You might not notice when your partner disrespects you because sometimes it’s covert. Every few months, I learn about another disrespectful tactic. Let’s just say that I learn firsthand and get to fully discuss these things to help others. While it’s great to help others, it’s also draining to be the test subject. Maybe you’ve felt this way before as well.
Your partner disrespects you if they do certain things.
Screaming or insulting your partner is disrespectful. And I think everyone pretty much understands this. But careful. Even the kindest words can veil disrespectful behavior. The key is to learn the covert language, hopefully, before it’s used on you.
Take a look at a few examples of subtle disrespect. They may help you avoid pain and hardship when dealing with others.
1. The silent treatment
Most of us know that the silent treatment is painful and damaging to a relationship. But did you know that it is actually disrespect? If your partner is giving you the silent treatment, they may be punishing you for something they felt you’ve done to them. And even if this is not the case, they can also use it to gain control, making you doubt yourself.
People who love and respect you do not want you to endure such pain. Healthy relationships are built on communication.
2. Invalidation
Have you ever tried to talk to your partner about something important to you, but they just wanted to dismiss your concerns? That is also disrespectful. Your partner does not respect you if they say things like:
“It’s not that serious” or “Stop worrying so much.”
While it is okay to try to help someone stop worrying, it is not okay to just shut down their feelings. Feelings are valid, and when one partner dismisses the other’s feelings, it’s a form of disrespect.
3. Invading your privacy
Respecting someone’s privacy is important. Going through their phone, their purse, or their pockets is a form of subtle disrespect. No matter what reason you have, it’s probably not good enough to cross personal boundaries and search through a loved one’s belongings, especially your partner’s.
If your partner is going through your things, maybe it’s time to reconsider being with this person.
4. Not accepting the word “No.”
It is pretty obvious that if your partner does things without your consent, then they are being disrespectful. This is true for any situation. No means no, and your boundaries should not be crossed.
Constantly ignoring these boundaries is extremely disrespectful. It can also be subtle behavior. It may start with touching your arm after you’ve said, “Stop,” or simply saying something you’ve asked them to stop saying. It starts small, but can escalate at an alarming rate.
5. Weaponization
You know those vulnerable things you tell your partner? Well, sometimes they can be used against you. Your partner disrespects you if they bring up your insecurities when fighting.
In a healthy relationship, what you tell your partner in confidence is protected so you feel safe and loved. In an unhealthy relationship, all things are used as weapons. Be careful what you say or do. Better yet, recognize who you’re dealing with and plan accordingly.
6. Unfair contributions
When you start living with your partner, the duties of your shared life should be completed fairly. One person is not supposed to take on the largest portion of the responsibilities. Sadly, duties are, in many cases, disproportionate.
Your partner disrespects you if they let you do all the housework and yardwork while trying to build your career. Then many toxic individuals like this also expect you to pay attention to them as well. This is mentally and physically exhausting.
7. Using all your free time
While it is important to spend quality time together, it is also important to respect your partner’s need for alone time. So many people in relationships fail in this area. But many of these relationships improve by communicating this issue and trying to change. There are those few, however, that do not change.
Unfortunately, some people just do not respect their partner’s needs in this area. And your partner does not respect you if they do this.
What can we do?
Well, first of all, you must figure out if you are being disrespected in your relationship. These are just a few examples of subtle disrespect that can help you take a moment to consider your own situation. If you are experiencing these things, maybe you can discuss them with your partner.
If your partner is willing to communicate and work on this behavior, then that’s a good sign. Therapy is always an option for those who are willing to improve. Please seek professional help if you are in doubt about what to do in your relationship.
While I do wish that couples could reconcile their differences, I also understand that sometimes this isn’t going to happen. If not, then you have a decision to make: stay with them and see if things get better, or cut ties and start over.
I think you know the answer
Good luck and stay safe out there!
