“Am I a narcissist or an empath?” It’s a simple question, right?
Narcissists and empaths are completely unique personalities. Narcissists are attention-seeking, vain, grandiose, and lack empathy. Empaths put people before them. They are highly sensitive to others’ needs and don’t see themselves as more important than others. So, are you a narcissist or an empath?
Well, some narcissist and empath personality traits overlap. Empaths need time and space alone when they are emotionally exhausted. To some, this can come across as cold and aloof behavior; a trait common to narcissists.
Empaths and narcissists take criticism poorly, but for different reasons. Narcissists feel criticism is unjustified and empaths are deeply hurt.
If you really want to know whether you’re a narcissist or an empath, answer the following two sets of questions.
If you answered yes to more of the narcissist questions, it’s likely you are a narcissist. Answering yes to more of the empath questions shows you’re an empath.
So, are you convinced that you are a narcissist or an empath? If you are still confused, you’re not alone. Narcissists can be confused with empaths, and here’s why.
Narcissists have a Real Self and a False Self. Their Real Self is self-loathing, angry, ashamed and jealous. This is the side of them hidden from the public gaze.
The False Self is a construct narcissists present to the world. This is the mask they wear to cover up their inadequacies. The False Self brims with confidence and charisma and is changeable.
The difference between the Real and False Self is called the Narcissistic Gap. Negotiating this gap is hard work and tiring, leading to some narcissists needing time alone (similar to empaths).
Narcissists can fake positive personality traits, such as empathy and kindness. And here lies the problem. Narcissists believe their False Self is the authentic version of themselves. They convince themselves that the traits they project in their False Self are their true personality.
The False Self is so powerful it convinces others as well. This is the reason it’s so challenging to work out whether you are a narcissist or an empath.
Narcissists, especially covert narcissists, are skilled in mirroring back qualities valued in other people. A narcissist can appear empathic. However, narcissists use mimicking tactics to hook potential victims.
Empaths naturally tune into other people, but they don’t use this skill to manipulate. Empaths are genuinely concerned about the welfare of others.
Empaths don’t have a False Self. In fact, they don’t have much of a sense of self at all. Empaths are so sensitive they soak up the egos and characteristics of those around them. Their persona is also ever-changing, depending on who they are with. Empaths use their changeable self to connect on a deeper level with others.
As empaths have very little sense of self, this can lead them to question their identity. Empaths’ sense of self depends on who they are with. Spending time with a narcissist can lead to the empath mirroring narcissistic traits. Their personality is filling up with narcissistic characteristics. Empaths can mistakenly believe they are narcissists.
This False Self and a lack of self muddies the distinction between narcissists and empaths. Narcissists mistakenly believe they are empaths because they are so adept at reading people. Their skill at mirroring people fools them into believing they are sensitive and enlightened souls.
Narcissists can pretend to be empathetic, and empaths can act narcissistically. Narcissists are concerned only about themselves. Empaths put others before their own needs.
If you are still asking yourself, am I a narcissist or an empath? here is one more question to help you find out:
Who benefits from my actions?
If the answer is always you, there’s your answer.
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Hello Janey,
Your notes are inclusive and so helpful. Thank you for sharing your insight. Sincerely, Julie Ainger