One of the most uncomfortable times in your life will be when you call out a narcissist for their behavior. Be smart and careful when you do.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are some of the most difficult people to be around. When you discover their true nature, you will enjoy every moment you get away from them. When they are loved ones, this alone time may be rare. And when you call them out on their true behavior, expect harsh opposition.
Simply put, narcissistic personality types hate to be confronted with the truth. They’ve spent so much of their time hiding their identity that it’s scathing to them when the real person is revealed.
Even if this truth comes in small portions, they cannot stand to face themselves. So, several things happen when you call them out. Understanding this beforehand can keep you safe and prepared.
When you call out someone with narcissistic personality disorder, expect rage. You don’t even have to straight-up call them a narcissist, but you can say things like, “You’re a liar”, or “You gaslight people”, and this can make them angry.
If you confront them about proof of something they’re hiding, they will also rage, maybe in the form of a tantrum, and they will turn everything around on you. People who have this disorder do not like to see the truth of their negative behavior, so they get angry in response or use anger to throw you off track.
Be careful, some of them can be violent.
Narcissists are well known to use gaslighting when you confront them about their actions or toxic words. If you understand what gaslighting means, then you know what they will say. But, in case you aren’t familiar with this term, gaslighting is when someone tries to make you look crazy, or twist facts in their favor and against you.
For instance, if you remind a narcissist of something heinous that they did to hurt you, they will say,
“What? I never did anything like that. I think you’re imagining things.”
Gaslighting is a way for the narcissist to invade your thoughts and attempt to make you confused. If you call them out, they will use this for sure.
If you tell a narcissist that you know what they are, they will call YOU the narcissist. You see, most people have access to the internet, and the narcissist, believe it or not, reads about themselves.
They know the characteristics of someone with narcissistic personality disorder, so if you call them what they are, they will say you possess the traits of this disorder and so, YOU must be the real narcissist.
While you may have some of the symptoms of narcissism, as we are all located somewhere on the narcissistic spectrum, you may not have a disorder like they do, probably not. But watch out!
If you call them out, they will try to do the same thing in defense. Oh, and from my personal perspective, when you call a narcissist out, they love to say things like,
“You think you’re a saint.”
This is because, it’s unbearable for them to accept they aren’t perfect themselves, so they lash out.
When you call out a narcissistic person, they are prone to immediately find something to blame. You see, they rarely take responsibility for their own actions, and if they act badly, it must be someone else’s fault. They may say things like,
“I wouldn’t have cheated on you if you were intimate more often.”
Yes, they really do this. Or another thing they may say would be,
“I wouldn’t have been late for work if you hadn’t made me so mad that I couldn’t sleep.”
You see, nothing, and I mean nothing is ever their fault, no matter how obvious it is, and if you bring out proof, then here comes the rage.
A covert narcissist is prone to use the silent treatment when confronted. Maybe they will get angry first, deny things, or use blame-shifting, but when they see these do not work, they will go silent. This could last for hours, days, or even longer. It’s uncomfortable for some people when the narcissist does this.
So, sometimes innocent people will apologize when they’ve done nothing wrong just to get the narcissist to talk to them again. I remember going through this toxic experience when I was younger. You must be strong and expect this when you confront them.
When I read about confronting someone with narcissistic personality disorder, I feel kind of frustrated. Unlike others, confronting someone with this disorder seems like a fruitless endeavor.
If you think, however, that you can get through to someone you love that has this disorder, then try. People do have the ability to improve and change, even when it seems impossible. It’s about having hope.
But, if your relationship with a narcissist is damaging your health, either physically or mentally, then leave them alone. Calling out a narcissist is not for everyone, and not everyone with this disorder can change. That’s the saddest part.
So, I leave you with these warnings. If you call out a narcissistic person, be prepared to endure one or more of these reactions.
Be safe and stay strong.
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loving one of these people, will NOT fix them. patience will NOT fix them. time does NOT heal all wounds. more of any kind of loving, forgiveness, reasoning talk..does not nor will not work. Just leave them,, the sooner the better.
Unfortunately, they are definitely difficult to help.
This sounds so crazy! Why would anyone invest time is such people or allow them into their lives?
Gary, It's because they are experts at what they do. You see, they were mostly born just like anybody else. Something in the way they were raised scarred them so badly that they became empty. They keep trying to fill that emptiness with all sorts of made-up things and filling. Their face is always covered with a mask. They become perfect at being something they are not. So, in the beginning, you see, they "love bomb" you. They make you feel like you are the best thing in the world. Over time, they gradually wear you down and if you are a really empathetic person, they will fool you easily. That is just a small part of what they do and why they exist in the form they have.
Gary, that's possible because when you first meet them, they are very subtle and good at hiding their true nature...
I have been living with one, who is my husband.. and now it's time for the silent treatment... No words, he acts as if he were the victim of my deeds and make me want to think I am the wrong one. His word against mine. It's so frustrating! But I have to take care of my son and of the little creature in my womb.. fingers crossed, maybe in a couple of years I might be strong enough to leave.. now I just can't. Good luck to everyone
Stay safe, Chiara. Focus on you and your children. Do not give in to the silent treatment. It's the attention they seek.
No one means to invest time in living this way with a mentally sick person. It happens in a way that just blindsides you. I've invested decades in people like this. My reasons, in the beginning, were ignorance because I was a young adult and not educated on narcissistic personality disorder. Since I had a mental disorder from childhood, my abuser convinced me that all the things he did were my fault, I was imagining them, or I needed help with my mental condition. There was conditioning, programming, and all sorts of manipulative tactics that kept me under his power through birthing three beautiful sons.
You know, It's easy to see this from the outside and not understand why people stay with others like this, but it's quite different when it is all you know from an early age. It's something you have to eventually realize over time. Yes, I did eventually realize that I was no the problem. But so much of my life was spent groveling to a person who treated me like a puppet. It is crazy, and it is sad. I didn't grow stronger until halfway through my life, and I still struggle from time to time with others that have similar characteristics. But I stand my ground now.
And trust me, you can be thrown off guard by them. They come with such charm.
Hey guys ! Just read this and a word to the wise meaning all that are reading this :) I finally exposed my ex-wife in an attempt to Hoover me and basically said nice Hoover attempt however I have moved on and perhaps you should as well.
Could I have done this with confidence let’s say a year ago ? Probably not... here’s the secret and the kryptonite against the nar nar ...ready ??? Wait it for it ..... work on yourself/ love yourself/ set boundaries/ when you do this truly take time and do this you will be the superhero and become Teflon!!! I thank God have mastered this thanks be to God and put in the work and now it’s laughable when she tries to Hoover or whatever lame trick she tries to pull.
It took 4 years for me to master the narcissist and trust me you can call them out when you are ready and confident because in the end they are sadly like 3 year olds ( emotionally and they don’t have a soul that’s why they want to suck yours like a vampire... lol ..
. praying for everyone that has gone through hell with any type of narcissist but like I said you can conquer and move on and the narcissist will get the hint... God bless !! Don’t give the narcissistic more credit then they deserve they wanted you for a reason and that reason is that you are freaking awesomeness!!!
I couldn't have said it better. Thank you, London.