Surely, we all lie. You don’t have to be a habitual liar for that. If any of those who read these lines will say no, they also lie. Whether we are lying constrained by a particular situation, whether we lie to gain some benefits, or we lie to feel better, we lie.
We lie for moral or material reasons, essential or minor. A well-placed lie at the right time can help us get a better job, opening doors to the destination we long for. Whether we lie to ourselves, whether we lie to others, with embarrassment, regret, nonchalance, we lie.
The reasons can be many and none of us is a saint. Yet, there are some of us who can be described as habitual liars.
The simplest definition of mendacity is that of the habitual tendency to lie. Practically, mendacity manifests itself when a person distorts the truth or makes up some extraordinary events or details, in order to attract the attention of others. The person basically seeks to stand out and gain the admiration or sympathy of the entourage.
The appearance and manifestation of mendacity are related to affectivity. The habitual liar lies to feel good, to feel secure. S/he can not cope with the reality of being an “irrelevant” person, her/his capabilities are not giving him/her the possibility to behave in ways that could bring the real affirmation, and then s/he uses the lie as the last solution.
This way, s/he manages to find emotional satisfaction that concrete reality cannot offer. S/he feels particularly satisfied when the entourage, after telling her/his “stories”, gives her/him credit, considers her/him to be intelligent, altruistic, in other, an extraordinary person.
As a rule, the habitual liar is aware of the absurd nature of her/his stories, but the affective reward s/he receives is very important. This habit of distorting the truth can, unfortunately, have negative consequences. It can lead to negative relations with others once they notice the fictitious character of the liars. This may lead to misunderstandings, quarrels, and even breakup of relationships/marriages.
When people lie, they feel the need to give as many details as possible to persuade a person to believe them. If you notice that a person offers more details than usual, this should make you think.
Often, the liars prepare their story in advance, memorizing it as a poem. It may be a good idea to address additional questions or try to change the subject to see how they debate the events.
To find out when someone is lying to you, you have to pay attention to their behavior, be a listener and an observer. Any change in behaviour may indicate that the person is lying.
For example, if you notice that a relatively calm person begins to shake when a particular subject is being discussed, change the subject and pay attention to their body language. Return to the original subject and observe again.
Some liars feel guilty and do not have the courage to look into your eyes, while others are so skillful that they can lie to you looking straight into your eyes. Some even exaggerate with visual contact to make sure you understand that they tell “the truth”.
If the person does not maintain eye contact for a long time and now does it or vice versa, something is wrong.
The liar knows that if s/he stretches the story, s/he risks being discovered. So it’s very likely that they will change the subject as quickly as possible.
A skilled liar can change the subject immediately, but you do not have to fall into it. Go back to the subject and find out why s/he is desperate to avoid this topic.
Watch the hands of the one you suspect of lying because liars tend to hold their hands while they say a lie. It is possible that they will begin to touch their face, knees, elbows, play with their clothes or hair.
When a person is truly happy or angry, these states are expressed on their whole face. But when someone is lying, their expressions of joy or madness are made shortly before or after they lie.
They may additionally have delayed reactions to someone’s questions or events around her/him as they try to keep track of their “lies”.
If you express your doubts about the liar’s words, s/he will start attacking you, because the attack is the best defense strategy. You do not even need to express your doubt clearly because the liar will use every word to react to shut you up.
Once someone lies, our trust in them is broken and we barely give them credit after that. Yet, once you notice a change in their behaivour or attitude, keep a track of their words and then determine whether they lie or not.
Someone may lie to cover an embarrassing situation or simply because they have done something that may cause temporary discomfort. If you discover that they lie for their own pleasure, benefit or for the purpose of harming you, then you should address the problem.
It is necessary to make the person aware that you know what happens. If you tolerate it or hope for a change, then things may get worse. Calmly discuss the problem in private with the liar and try to understand the reason behind their lies.
What influenced a person to lie to you? What is the cause?
As painful as it may be, do not lose your temper. Give the person a chance to explain the reasons, without accusing or insulting them. Even though you may feel entitled to react, your criticism will inhibit and push them to find more excuses as they cannot bear the feeling of being exposed.
Your gut may tell you that you are 100% right. But in order to help a person realize their mistake, you need to confront them with facts, especially when you deal with a habitual liar. In the absence of evidence, they will usually try to convince you that you only make assumptions and subsequently, turn the conversation against you.
If you have been giving chances and waiting for a person to change, yet their behaviour is unchanged, the ultimate solution is to exit the relationship. Sadly, more time and more chances will only affect you. A person should be mature enough to realize that lies can hurt and a change is highly necessary if they wish to keep someone in their lives. Time to move on.
Have you ever met a habitual liar? How did you handle the situation?
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I would like to say that I truly enjoyed the insight from each post--given about habitual LIARS! I never thought in my 52 years of living, that I would be confronted with this situation from a close family member. This person's lies are so delusional that they are willing to sacrifice the love of their own family members to keep the LIES going, even when they know that other's may be lying or them, or better yet, telling the truth! It's amazing how far some family member will go to distort the truth , and try to talk down about anyone they deem a truthful THREAT to the BS! It's really EYE opening and disappointing at the same time. I would not be as concerned about them, had it not be for the fact that this person gave birth to my GRANDCHILDREN, and they in return have to endure their mother's DENIAL AND LIES about almost any thing until they get grown and move out!
My next oldest brother is the same way. Middle child syndrome is what I call it. He is 21 months older. That’s what started his lying. I was born with a head full of blond hair and as an analogy the great eye from the dark tower Moved from him to me. He is still the same today as a man in his sixties. He not only lies but he has always been a bad influence leading me his little brother into criminal acts and drugs. He has always had his hand out offering me drugs. I think subconsciously he is trying to kill me or destroy me anyway he could. It took the passing of my last parent alive and coming close to death because of meth that finally woke me up. I take full responsibility for my choices, I am not blaming my brother.
Some of what is said here in this article is note worth but most is what I see in society to cover the true facts. Truth is present with facts, not opinions or words as this article suggested.
It's really frustrating. You can't even have a relaxing conversation with your girlfriend without this woman lying. The most frustrating part of it all? The lies are not even necessary at all. I have caught her in so many lies, at one time, I stopped talking to her for a while, because I could not trust anything she said. Just last October, I broke up with her. When we began to talk once again, she told me she had not lied to me since we came back together, although she never accepted that she was lying before the breakup. The assumption then was, she was lying before, but she stopped after October, which was 3 years since we began to have a relationship.
I tried to take her at her word but quickly discovered that she had told me another unnecessary lie about a very mundane matter. I left her for good last month. She is otherwise a nice person, but her character is incompatible with mine because of the lies.
I'm leaving this message because I'm desperate. My sister is not only a Habitual Liar she's also a Narcissist which makes it so hard to be around her. I love this child so much but cannot for the life of me understand why she does these things! I don't believe it's a choice because she's been this way since she was very small. Not only does she lie about things but actually believes them too. Just one example telling a guy she was pregnant, now I've heard women doing this however this child went to the point where she taped down the corners of different size pillows and placed them inside a workout jumpsuit so when she went around town, she looked like she was pregnant. One day I was helping her clean out her closet and found one and asked what it was, she grabbed it out of my hands and just laughed it off. Sorry to say I didn't catch on. A month or so later while I was at her house a car pulled up with two young girls and asked me where she was. I told her she was inside the house then my sister saw them and started yelling for them to go away. They started yelling back that they had a right to see their nephew. Can you say OMG!!!! Then the pillow in the workout suit made sense.....or did it. Who goes that far to lie!!! This last one was telling me she had this 5 bedroom house. I couldn't figure out why we never had Thanksgiver there or wasn't ever invited. She sent me many pictures of the home and went on and on about how beautiful it was. Long story short when I finally asked for the address she gave it to me and told me to F off. Then started sending me pictures again of this house. When I looked it up I said to her "I think you gave me the wrong number because this house doesn't look anything like the pictures you're sending me, and you better get over there because someone is in your driveway". After that all I got was a lot of rage and cussing about how I ruined the Holidays. What the hell over! I just don't think there's anything else I can do but she's my baby sister. Oh, and getting her help is a slap in the face because I'm the one with the problem.