People with an avoidant personality yearn for love. However, their fear of abandonment often sabotages potential relationships. That’s not to say they can’t love. With an understanding partner, they can learn to trust, allowing themselves to open up and commit. That being said, could you spot the signs an avoidant loves you?
Anyone who has dated an avoidant is aware of their fluctuating behavior. One moment they are clingy and suffocating, the next they are hostile and silent. How do you know what love is?
The key to recognizing their behavior is to understand how an avoidant normally reacts to intimacy and what they do when they’re ready to love. Before I discuss the signs an avoidant is falling for you, here are the character traits of an avoidant personality.
At the heart of the avoidant personality lies a longing for love, intertwined with a paralyzing fear of rejection.
Avoidant personalities share common traits:
Now we know how an avoidant reacts under normal circumstances. Below are the signs an avoidant loves you.
One of the first signs an avoidant loves you is a calming down of their emotions. Avoidants have trouble controlling their feelings, so you’ll often see hot and cold behavior that varies from one extreme to another. This becomes more balanced as they feel more confident about you.
Personal space is important for avoidants. They are solitary people who live inside their heads. As well as introverts, avoidants need space to analyze, think through matters, and recharge their energy. When an avoidant agrees or instigates a date, it’s a firm sign they are falling in love.
Communication is difficult for avoidants, especially emotive subjects. As a result, they limit conversations to everyday chit chat or practical matters. Asking you questions about your personal life shows an avoidant is thinking about the relationship.
Avoidants are rigid with their personal space and boundaries. They want you around, but on their terms. However, one of the signs an avoidant loves you is when they relax around you. They may even instigate contact (which, for an avoidant, means vulnerability and rejection).
Words are an insight into a person’s thoughts and emotions. An increase in pronouns such as ‘we’ and ‘us’ and ‘ours’ suggests that even subconsciously, the avoidant person is thinking in terms of a partnership. They might not fully commit just yet, but they are accepting the possibility.
This is a powerful sign an avoidant loves you. Avoidants like to keep their personal life to themselves. They don’t volunteer information easily because they have trust issues. These are tough nuts to crack, so look out for any hints they’re sharing more than usual.
Avoidants can go hours, days, even weeks without contact. They are unreliable and sporadic with replies. If you’ve noticed that the replies are faster and more consistent, it is a good sign an avoidant is falling in love with you.
For avoidant people, talking about their needs is like lowering the drawbridge of a castle to their enemy. They leave themselves wide open to attack, ridicule and, worse, rejection. Talking about what they need is a clear sign an avoidant loves you.
People show their love in different ways: some are verbally loving; others prefer a tactile expression of love, and some engage in acts of service. These are things done with care that make your life easier, such as doing the washing up, walking the dog, helping with housework, or running errands.
Relying on someone is fraught with danger for avoidants. They risk being let down, seen as vulnerable or needy and they just don’t need the emotional hassle of it all. Pay attention to any requests for favors or help. This is a gigantic sign an avoidant loves you.
Avoidants are good at the physical side of a relationship. In fact, many have ‘friends with benefits.’ It’s the emotional side they struggle with. Putting up walls and keeping themselves closed off to others protects them from the intensity of love and passion.
It’s a big deal when they express warmth and endearment.
One of the more reliable signs an avoidant loves you is when they talk about the relationship. The last thing an avoidant person wants to do is talk about commitment and the future. They will deflect questions with mixed signals or humor. Anything to get off topic.
So you know it’s a sign an avoidant loves you when they let their guard down and communicate openly with you.
Avoidants like to stick to a rigid structure with clear and defined boundaries. They are not spontaneous people who take risks and thrive on uncertainty.
Usual changes to their schedule result in them digging in their heels and not budging. It’s hard for them to meet others halfway, but they can compromise when they trust someone.
It’s difficult to spot the signs an avoidant person loves you, but understanding what their behavior is usually like can help.
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Thank you Janey. Helpful information.