Growing up, I always was cold-tempered and reserved. I never cried like the other kids and rarely showed any kind of emotions and sentiments.
It’s not that I was insensitive or emotionally detached, but quite the opposite. I felt everything very deeply but believed that it was not appropriate to show it. I thought my sensitivity was a weakness, so I did everything to hide it.
It may surprise you, but not all sensitive people are a sort of “drama queens” who react to everything with an emotional outburst. In fact, many of them happen to have a cold, reserved personality either due to their childhood experiences, a lack of warmth in their family, or simply the particularities of their temper.
Other people often confuse such individuals for being insensitive and hard-hearted while in reality, they are simply emotionally strong and tend to keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves.
Here are some of the struggles I faced as a cold person with a sensitive soul. Can you relate to any of them?
If you have been a cold person for your whole life, it’s difficult (or nearly impossible) to change and become more open in expressing your feelings. Sometimes, you want to show your dear ones how much you care and how much you love them, but you literally can’t. It feels like an invisible wall that separates you from them and stops you from expressing your tenderness.
You (or, at least, your subconscious mind) are used to considering any kind of strong emotions to be a weakness. So you don’t like to expose your sensitive and vulnerable self even to your close ones, such as your partner or family members. That’s why you absolutely hate when someone sees you cry, be angry or frustrated.
You try to conceal your emotions and feelings either they are negative or positive. For example, if you are in a relationship, you may be avoiding any manifestation of tenderness and love when you and your special someone are in public.
Since you rarely show your true emotions, it makes sense why other people may mistake you for a hard-hearted person. People you are not very close to may even think you just don’t care or don’t have feelings at all.
It’s because you don’t reveal the whole range of your emotions and thoughts even to your family or loved one, so the people you don’t have a deep connection with know just the tiny tip of the iceberg of your soul.
A silly and insignificant situation, such as a misunderstanding with your colleague or a critical comment from your boss, can sometimes spoil your mood for the whole day. Criticism, conflicts and all kinds of negative vibes unsettle you very deeply.
But those around you have no idea what you are going through. They can’t imagine that you can be frustrated with something so tiny and keep thinking that stupid situation over and over, silently drowning in the sea of distressing emotions.
Sometimes, you find it extremely challenging to even start a conversation aimed to explain how you feel. Here, I’m not speaking only of love confessions or relationship talks but of any situation when you have to reveal your true thoughts and feelings to someone.
This kind of conversations make you feel awkward and vulnerable, so you try to avoid having them even with your parents or special someone.
If you love a cold person with a sensitive soul, don’t wait for them to make the first step and always take the initiative in your relationship. Never forget that they do have feelings too and, in fact, may be even more sensitive than you are.
If you are this kind of person yourself, try to give yourself the permission to be more open about your feelings with your loved ones. They know, appreciate and love the real you and you’ve got nothing to fear. And most importantly, remember that sensitivity is not a weakness but is a great strength.
Are you a cold person with a sensitive soul? Did you identify with any of the above-described struggles? Share your thoughts in the comment box below.
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How would you suggest starting to open up to people?
I keep thinking I’m going to come across a romantic relationship or friendship where the other person will instinctively know that I’m not being myself and that I have a lot to open up about. I haven’t been able to find one person I’m comfortable enough with to show them “the real me”. I have two best friends whom I love dearly but they would never push me. They’ve accepted I am the way I am, and would find it extremely bizarre if I all of a sudden brought out an emotional side after being friends for almost 5 years. I can’t help but think everyone would think it’s just a cry for attention.
Regarding #3 - one big piece missing is the fact that one of the main reasons we come across as cold is when we are actually trying to be as neutral as possible in our language, to avoid conflict resulting in other people saying hurtful things and bruising our sensitive souls.
I am very sensitive and cold, but even adding the adjective sensitive makes me feel like I am trying to make myself sound better than I feel I am. I don't understand why I feel so different at times, I act tough but when I'm angry I cry like a baby and I feel so small inside, like a ball of pink glass that with any offense will shatter. I am always thinking about myself, I think that other people can handle my dry manner towards them: I have realized this but I cannot allow myself to actually imagine that I hurt their feelings, otherwise I won't be able to think and I will be scared with guilt. I want to change but at the same time I don't. I can't control my fear and resentment towards people, which I can't even describe or justify properly. I just wanted to say that I am always trying to keep hope alive that eventually I won't feel the need to be cold and seem unfeeling toward others, that the anger mixed with confusion and fear will be transformed into positive feelings
Love all the comments my heat goes out to you all
I mean tbh i dont want to be an emotional person emotions are weak and extremely petty to everyone in the comments knows were not really cold just misunderstood that we have no care or value for petty emotions we live in extreme emotional situations where life has to grasp you emotional values has to be understood, respct, honer great emotional value witch im sad to say is dead and lost only to a few cold people do we understand this i come across as big headed and all i do is try to help but my passion leads with aggression because it extreme and people dont understand and exclaim that you're making them out to be dumb...... i could go on there's so much i could say pros and cons but... what do we do btw i dont agree with how you concluded. I believe people just need to communicate more effectively in understanding each other. Lots of love peace and respect.
I dont know why but i just dont give fuck about anything or anyone its like idk. Like i wnna know why though like why am i like this i have had traumas in the past but i gotten over it but even if someone died that was close to me i would just not care.
i think i need help