A cold person with a sensitive soul may sound self-contradictory at first, but the truth is that many cold and distant people hide a vulnerable, sensitive nature.
Growing up, I always was cold-tempered and reserved. I never cried like the other kids and rarely showed any kind of emotions and sentiments.
It’s not that I was insensitive or emotionally detached, but quite the opposite. I felt everything very deeply but believed that it was not appropriate to show it. I thought my sensitivity was a weakness, so I did everything to hide it.
It may surprise you, but not all sensitive people are a sort of “drama queens” who react to everything with an emotional outburst. In fact, many of them happen to have a cold, reserved personality either due to their childhood experiences, a lack of warmth in their family, or simply the particularities of their temper.
Other people often confuse such individuals for being insensitive and hard-hearted while in reality, they are simply emotionally strong and tend to keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves.
Here are some of the struggles I faced as a cold person with a sensitive soul. Can you relate to any of them?
1. Sometimes, you really want to show your feelings, but you can’t.
If you have been a cold person for your whole life, it’s difficult (or nearly impossible) to change and become more open in expressing your feelings. Sometimes, you want to show your dear ones how much you care and how much you love them, but you literally can’t. It feels like an invisible wall that separates you from them and stops you from expressing your tenderness.
2. You hate to be seen being emotional.
You (or, at least, your subconscious mind) are used to considering any kind of strong emotions to be a weakness. So you don’t like to expose your sensitive and vulnerable self even to your close ones, such as your partner or family members. That’s why you absolutely hate when someone sees you cry, be angry or frustrated.
You try to conceal your emotions and feelings either they are negative or positive. For example, if you are in a relationship, you may be avoiding any manifestation of tenderness and love when you and your special someone are in public.
3. Others think you are hard-hearted and insensitive.
Since you rarely show your true emotions, it makes sense why other people may mistake you for a hard-hearted person. People you are not very close to may even think you just don’t care or don’t have feelings at all.
It’s because you don’t reveal the whole range of your emotions and thoughts even to your family or loved one, so the people you don’t have a deep connection with know just the tiny tip of the iceberg of your soul.
4. You are really vulnerable and get hurt easily, but no one knows it.
A silly and insignificant situation, such as a misunderstanding with your colleague or a critical comment from your boss, can sometimes spoil your mood for the whole day. Criticism, conflicts and all kinds of negative vibes unsettle you very deeply.
But those around you have no idea what you are going through. They can’t imagine that you can be frustrated with something so tiny and keep thinking that stupid situation over and over, silently drowning in the sea of distressing emotions.
5. You find it difficult to talk about your feelings.
Sometimes, you find it extremely challenging to even start a conversation aimed to explain how you feel. Here, I’m not speaking only of love confessions or relationship talks but of any situation when you have to reveal your true thoughts and feelings to someone.
This kind of conversations make you feel awkward and vulnerable, so you try to avoid having them even with your parents or special someone.
If you love a cold person with a sensitive soul, don’t wait for them to make the first step and always take the initiative in your relationship. Never forget that they do have feelings too and, in fact, may be even more sensitive than you are.
If you are this kind of person yourself, try to give yourself the permission to be more open about your feelings with your loved ones. They know, appreciate and love the real you and you’ve got nothing to fear. And most importantly, remember that sensitivity is not a weakness but is a great strength.
Are you a cold person with a sensitive soul? Did you identify with any of the above-described struggles? Share your thoughts in the comment box below.
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This Post Has 39 Comments
For me this is deep but a very nice read to. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Yes! My partner just left me for this very reason. i was trying to work on it, but he didnt believe me. He didnt believe that I did care, that I did love him. He didnt believe me when I said how bad it hurt that I couldnt make him believe. Now hes gone and Im working daily on changing that part of me so I never lose someone I love again.
I face similar situation as you. My partner is a very expressive man, while I am totally the opposite, so he thinks that I don’t love him as much as he does. We often argue about it too. But don’t be too sad, JenB. If he left you because of that, probably because he did not put extra effort to understand you deeper. But lesson to learn for us, we need to learn to be more expressive and flexible sometimes…
While I have never been in a real relationship, this is the reason why I can never form one. I want to work on it too.
I encountered a sensitive soul yet expressive one. He was open and expressive about his affection and ways of showing his endearment. He was openly loving. Since he was not only open, but also accepting, I became comfortable enough with him and opened up about myself – that I’m a sensitive person hiding behind this cold exterior. He assured me with a sweet smile. He asked me more about the things I like, the things I’m comfortable with and the things that make me feel uncomfortable. He never stopped expressing his care, love and concern. One time, while walking on the lonely streets, I found myself talking about my emotions, freely expressing what I suppressed – I found myself telling him about the emotions and things I’ve never even said out loud before. With his help, I’ve finally come to accept my emotions, dealing with them, managing them and most of all, embracing them 🙂
The warmth of love ignites the fire of embracing emotions, which helps the cold exterior in a way that is breathtaking.
Amazing! Can you ask him to write an article on how he did it? I am involved with someone as the article describex, but do not know how to shatter that cold exterior. I really deeply want to, but it gets frustrating.
Things makes me feel alive
Meaningful nd deep talks
I wish I had a cold soul too
hahaha you will have it one day
its not good to be cold hearted believe me…. when i was in elementary i didnt cry when someone hit me got in trouble or anything cause i thought emotions made people weak so i hold it all in and acted tough and in middle school i started softening and told my self in at the end of middle school i had to be cold hearted and emotionless again cause emotions hurt and now here i am… i find it hard to love people the same now i dont even feel bad anymore when people get hurt physically and mentally but i only did it cause of problems i have… so dont be cold hearted
This article exactly talks about me! Although it doesn’t feel good when people misunderstand your feeling and thought most of the time…
it is very awkward. I am rather detached from most emotions and it feels like being a vast desert. I am concerned, not for short term, but I suspect if I remain like this, I may get bored with life and I think people that have ups and downs get a better deal in life experiences and motivation. It may have biological roots, but in my case, I think it was more than not was caused by my attitude towards outside stress and pressure that I ended up this way
Wow, this is perfect. I can relate 100%.
I’d like to add something, though I don’t know if anyone else feels the same way (if you do, don’t hesitate to reply):
The reason I don’t like to talk about my feelings is because as soon as I start talking, the emotion comes and it’s too strong, so, I have to change the subject (or my tone of voice) to keep it from spilling out.
If I could talk about my feelings with no emotion, I think it would be much easier and I would definitely do it more often.
I completely relate… you are NOT alone!
I am surprised seeing so many females that identify and I initially assumed that the author was actually male as well. This is not coming from any type of sexism but only the fact that me being a male, I have had problems with this in every relationship I have been in. Every long relationship I have been in, I have been accused of being cold and emotionless, when in reality this couldn’t be further from the truth. Thank you very much for this article. I don’t find much on this subject while searching so far but this is exactly what I was hoping to find. Maybe I can just send this link to my girlfriend and she will understand more! Thank you!
Still trying to make people understand I sometimes do feel bad about things.. But as everyone says I am a cold hearted person and that cannot be changed. But glad to know such people exist and I am not the only one.
I’m almost the opposite. I’m emotionally detached in that I just am not effected by the same people as others but when people say nasty things like calling me a monster for it, it does hurt but I brush it off. So same but opposite?
People expressing and exuding their emotions and energies are often quite the opposite of sensitive. Though they themselves like to claim to be the ones that really care. Truth is, if you are filled up to the brim with yourself and your own emotions, how can you to be empty or empathic at the same time? That’s impossible.
So in my humble opinion, the only way a person can be highly sensitive and receptive, and at the same time still function in this insensitive society, is by being able to wear external energies like clothes., slide them on and off at will. Some might consider this a socio/psychopathic trait. I say, this is my way of protecting myself and dealing with being a Cancerian and a Goat.
I recieve stuff, and in order to stay sane I need the ability to detach myself from all external energies (possessions).
Yori Alexander Fransz
great commentary with personal anecdotes
It underlines what I already believe about those who present as emotionless.
im 17 and i started to become a cold hearted person from being bullied and lost someone i truly loved the relationship lasted two years but i ended it because she was a negative person and lied many time before. i began to stop caring for people thinking im wasting time here and there telling myself whats the damn point of this whole things so i start to distant myself from many friends and kept a few close true friends. I saw that why should i show my feelings to others why should i care when really i don’t find no interest in these conversations. i hurt a lot of people showing how cold i am and rude i can be to others. I talk short cant keep a conversation going because i get bored easily or i just dont care and wanna end the conversation. i always tell the truth to others and give them my honest no matter how rude it is i tell the truth because i am no lair like other people in this world but i only lie if its necessary to do so but other than that i spoke truth no matter what. my life growing was good until mid school i went through so much pain misery in order for me to keep on living i had to kill somethings inside of me such as feelings caring and more sense then i have been doing well but i try m best to show some true friends i care but sometimes it hard to show. i always hang out alone all the time its not because im sad or mad or anything like i just dont care if i am alone or i dont have friends im ok with the outcome of things even if i die alone be alone for the rest of my life i dont mind because i already am ok with it and i accept it nothing will change that no matter how cruel i am or others how they treat me i always be fine on my own with or without anyone.
I’ve struggled with this since I was a child and I can’t explain anything about how I feel or what I think with out feeling really vunrable and paranoid it really sucks.
I have problem with my husband which too sensitive and try to avoid to discuss to explain everything. He shows no emotion but just run away for everything. He didnt talk to anybody about our problem and please help to understand and overcome this problem. I have no idea until i read this article but i think i need more.
This personality of mine makes it difficult to be myself. I’ve lost count of how many misunderstandings that have occurred. My culture has men that are quite expressive/friendly and rather loud. Whenever they meet me they just stare and point out my differences. It also doesn’t help my resting face looks rather menacing. I’m surprised you women faced this issues. But I assure you, you’re worth it.
This is really true how I feel my sister and mom always wonder why am I so cold and really they want me to show emotions but it’s so hard for me to do that for them I just idk they want me to talk to them about my emotions but I don’t know how and it’s hard as well and when ever we are fighting I have to put on this cold look and that just makes them even more mad. But to me that cold face is like a shield it’s like protecting me from being an emotional wreck right there in front of them
Has anyone manage to overcome this
My grandmother was like this
My Aunt and My Mom
I definitely have a bit of it and would love
To get help for myself and my Mom
I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. I experienced several severe childhood traumas. When I’ve tried to talk with a mother who rejects this, it only ends up in arguments. Other family are not there to help and counseling hasn’t worked.
I cry so easily, even trying to type this. But I don’t want anyone seeing me cry and try avoiding it at any cost. When I have cried in the past, I’ve been told to get over it.
I’m hurt very easily over things said or over feeling left out, and I shut down. If someone tries talking to me at that point, I won’t talk, I grit my teeth hoping they’ll go away and stop trying to get me to talk. I’m afraid if I talk I’ll start crying and get the same cold reaction I’ve always gotten.
Psychiatrist says I suffer from bipolar depression and generalized anxiety. We’ve tried so many medications, because of side effects and reactions. But while the cloud of depression I stayed under has lifted, I still feel empty. Have tried explaining this to my psychiatrist and counselors, but can’t articulate it.
The crying over hurts leaves me feeling like I’m selfish. I so much want to show love and be loving but just don’t “feel” it inside. I feel cold and I know I don’t want to be this way. And I don’t know who I can talk to or how to get help with it, since I’ve tried yet no one really understands it, and counselors have just told me I’m in charge of how I react. But as much as I’ve tried ignoring hurtful things, they never really go away in my mind. I can’t just shake them off. Trying to replace those thoughts with others, as one counselor suggested, doesn’t make it go away.
I don’t know who to turn to but so much want help.
I sent this article to my husband and all 3 of my adult children, whom all refer to me as “ The Ice Princess” or A Robot” . Both of which are very hurtful to me, but they are unaware of this since I am unable to tell them. Every point resonated through me as I read them. I am in awe of the author for it’s honesty, I I know it was difficult for her. It feels like it would’ve been impossible for me to write. now so thank you with all my heart perhaps it will help my family understand me a little better . I am not depressed Nor do I have anxiety issues bipolar any phobias nothing of the sort I’m simply unable to talk about my feelings . I just can’t I try to speak and nothing This is very frustrating to my love ones and makes them very angry with me at times . I also want to know I’m a salesman then sales manager I have lead motivational and educational lectures to 5000 people in my field of expertise which happens to be Automotive Also motivational speaking, positive solutions classes ,selling to multi generational classes and many more.talk about auto part I can talk and teambuilding I can talk about any topic you want me to speakon but I cannot say One Sentence about my feelings, to anyone.
Well some of the points made are significant features and true but not the other few. But I enjoyed it, its some insight into my life. Im gald my google question gave me a very probable result .
I love someone who is cold emotionally and I am sure he is sensitive but he never show it. And never react on anything
He finds some stuffs I complain about as being silly
He never initiate a conversation with me
What should I do? Should I avoid him or keep being the one to initiate
Thank you so much for adding some comforting clarity to life. I am a pathological empath, but at times I just feel emotionless, and cold, but heart aches with sadness and I’m so overly sensitive to everything. I feel crazy and filled with anxiety, lost and alone most of the time. I struggle to appear as normal as I can so I can function and perform well at work. I really needed to find out if there was an explanation for my cold-heart, now I know. Thanks again
holy crap you just described me down to a knife edge.
How would you suggest starting to open up to people?
I keep thinking I’m going to come across a romantic relationship or friendship where the other person will instinctively know that I’m not being myself and that I have a lot to open up about. I haven’t been able to find one person I’m comfortable enough with to show them “the real me”. I have two best friends whom I love dearly but they would never push me. They’ve accepted I am the way I am, and would find it extremely bizarre if I all of a sudden brought out an emotional side after being friends for almost 5 years. I can’t help but think everyone would think it’s just a cry for attention.
Regarding #3 – one big piece missing is the fact that one of the main reasons we come across as cold is when we are actually trying to be as neutral as possible in our language, to avoid conflict resulting in other people saying hurtful things and bruising our sensitive souls.
I am very sensitive and cold, but even adding the adjective sensitive makes me feel like I am trying to make myself sound better than I feel I am. I don’t understand why I feel so different at times, I act tough but when I’m angry I cry like a baby and I feel so small inside, like a ball of pink glass that with any offense will shatter. I am always thinking about myself, I think that other people can handle my dry manner towards them: I have realized this but I cannot allow myself to actually imagine that I hurt their feelings, otherwise I won’t be able to think and I will be scared with guilt. I want to change but at the same time I don’t. I can’t control my fear and resentment towards people, which I can’t even describe or justify properly. I just wanted to say that I am always trying to keep hope alive that eventually I won’t feel the need to be cold and seem unfeeling toward others, that the anger mixed with confusion and fear will be transformed into positive feelings
Love all the comments my heat goes out to you all
I mean tbh i dont want to be an emotional person emotions are weak and extremely petty to everyone in the comments knows were not really cold just misunderstood that we have no care or value for petty emotions we live in extreme emotional situations where life has to grasp you emotional values has to be understood, respct, honer great emotional value witch im sad to say is dead and lost only to a few cold people do we understand this i come across as big headed and all i do is try to help but my passion leads with aggression because it extreme and people dont understand and exclaim that you’re making them out to be dumb…… i could go on there’s so much i could say pros and cons but… what do we do btw i dont agree with how you concluded. I believe people just need to communicate more effectively in understanding each other. Lots of love peace and respect.
I dont know why but i just dont give fuck about anything or anyone its like idk. Like i wnna know why though like why am i like this i have had traumas in the past but i gotten over it but even if someone died that was close to me i would just not care.
i think i need help
This was a good assessment.
My mom used to call me cold and it was so hurtful. But any time I would cry she would yell at me, including when a loved one died. So I avoid crying in front of anyone to this day. Sad.