5 Struggles of Being a Cold Person with a Sensitive Soul

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A cold person with a sensitive soul may sound self-contradictory at first, but the truth is that many cold and distant people hide a vulnerable, sensitive nature.

Growing up, I always was cold-tempered and reserved. I never cried like the other kids and rarely showed any kind of emotions and sentiments.

It’s not that I was insensitive or emotionally detached, but quite the opposite. I felt everything very deeply but believed that it was not appropriate to show it. I thought my sensitivity was a weakness, so I did everything to hide it.

It may surprise you, but not all sensitive people are a sort of “drama queens” who react to everything with an emotional outburst. In fact, many of them happen to have a cold, reserved personality either due to their childhood experiences, a lack of warmth in their family, or simply the particularities of their temper.

Other people often confuse such individuals for being insensitive and hard-hearted while in reality, they are simply emotionally strong and tend to keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves.

Here are some of the struggles I faced as a cold person with a sensitive soul. Can you relate to any of them?

1. Sometimes, you really want to show your feelings, but you can’t.

If you have been a cold person for your whole life, it’s difficult (or nearly impossible) to change and become more open in expressing your feelings. Sometimes, you want to show your dear ones how much you care and how much you love them, but you literally can’t. It feels like an invisible wall that separates you from them and stops you from expressing your tenderness.

2. You hate to be seen being emotional.

You (or, at least, your subconscious mind) are used to considering any kind of strong emotions to be a weakness. So you don’t like to expose your sensitive and vulnerable self even to your close ones, such as your partner or family members. That’s why you absolutely hate when someone sees you cry, be angry or frustrated.

You try to conceal your emotions and feelings either they are negative or positive. For example, if you are in a relationship, you may be avoiding any manifestation of tenderness and love when you and your special someone are in public.

3. Others think you are hard-hearted and insensitive.

Since you rarely show your true emotions, it makes sense why other people may mistake you for a hard-hearted person. People you are not very close to may even think you just don’t care or don’t have feelings at all.

It’s because you don’t reveal the whole range of your emotions and thoughts even to your family or loved one, so the people you don’t have a deep connection with know just the tiny tip of the iceberg of your soul.

4. You are really vulnerable and get hurt easily, but no one knows it.

A silly and insignificant situation, such as a misunderstanding with your colleague or a critical comment from your boss, can sometimes spoil your mood for the whole day. Criticism, conflicts and all kinds of negative vibes unsettle you very deeply.

But those around you have no idea what you are going through. They can’t imagine that you can be frustrated with something so tiny and keep thinking that stupid situation over and over, silently drowning in the sea of distressing emotions.

5. You find it difficult to talk about your feelings.

Sometimes, you find it extremely challenging to even start a conversation aimed to explain how you feel. Here, I’m not speaking only of love confessions or relationship talks but of any situation when you have to reveal your true thoughts and feelings to someone.

This kind of conversations make you feel awkward and vulnerable, so you try to avoid having them even with your parents or special someone.

Final Thoughts

If you love a cold person with a sensitive soul, don’t wait for them to make the first step and always take the initiative in your relationship. Never forget that they do have feelings too and, in fact, may be even more sensitive than you are.

If you are this kind of person yourself, try to give yourself the permission to be more open about your feelings with your loved ones. They know, appreciate and love the real you and you’ve got nothing to fear. And most importantly, remember that sensitivity is not a weakness but is a great strength.

Are you a cold person with a sensitive soul? Did you identify with any of the above-described struggles? Share your thoughts in the comment box below.


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By |2018-09-05T15:25:39+00:00August 16th, 2016|Categories: Empath and HSP, Introvert's World, Personality|Tags: , , , , |32 Comments

About the Author:

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.


  1. Terry July 2, 2018 at 5:45 pm - Reply

    I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. I experienced several severe childhood traumas. When I’ve tried to talk with a mother who rejects this, it only ends up in arguments. Other family are not there to help and counseling hasn’t worked.

    I cry so easily, even trying to type this. But I don’t want anyone seeing me cry and try avoiding it at any cost. When I have cried in the past, I’ve been told to get over it.

    I’m hurt very easily over things said or over feeling left out, and I shut down. If someone tries talking to me at that point, I won’t talk, I grit my teeth hoping they’ll go away and stop trying to get me to talk. I’m afraid if I talk I’ll start crying and get the same cold reaction I’ve always gotten.

    Psychiatrist says I suffer from bipolar depression and generalized anxiety. We’ve tried so many medications, because of side effects and reactions. But while the cloud of depression I stayed under has lifted, I still feel empty. Have tried explaining this to my psychiatrist and counselors, but can’t articulate it.

    The crying over hurts leaves me feeling like I’m selfish. I so much want to show love and be loving but just don’t “feel” it inside. I feel cold and I know I don’t want to be this way. And I don’t know who I can talk to or how to get help with it, since I’ve tried yet no one really understands it, and counselors have just told me I’m in charge of how I react. But as much as I’ve tried ignoring hurtful things, they never really go away in my mind. I can’t just shake them off. Trying to replace those thoughts with others, as one counselor suggested, doesn’t make it go away.

    I don’t know who to turn to but so much want help.

  2. A. J, September 16, 2018 at 1:32 pm - Reply

    I sent this article to my husband and all 3 of my adult children, whom all refer to me as “ The Ice Princess” or A Robot” . Both of which are very hurtful to me, but they are unaware of this since I am unable to tell them. Every point resonated through me as I read them. I am in awe of the author for it’s honesty, I I know it was difficult for her. It feels like it would’ve been impossible for me to write. now so thank you with all my heart perhaps it will help my family understand me a little better . I am not depressed Nor do I have anxiety issues bipolar any phobias nothing of the sort I’m simply unable to talk about my feelings . I just can’t I try to speak and nothing This is very frustrating to my love ones and makes them very angry with me at times . I also want to know I’m a salesman then sales manager I have lead motivational and educational lectures to 5000 people in my field of expertise which happens to be Automotive Also motivational speaking, positive solutions classes ,selling to multi generational classes and many more.talk about auto part I can talk and teambuilding I can talk about any topic you want me to speakon but I cannot say One Sentence about my feelings, to anyone.

  3. Osheen December 17, 2018 at 11:03 pm - Reply

    Well some of the points made are significant features and true but not the other few. But I enjoyed it, its some insight into my life. Im gald my google question gave me a very probable result .

  4. Hnd December 26, 2018 at 7:29 pm - Reply

    I love someone who is cold emotionally and I am sure he is sensitive but he never show it. And never react on anything
    He finds some stuffs I complain about as being silly
    He never initiate a conversation with me
    What should I do? Should I avoid him or keep being the one to initiate

  5. Narvela Cook January 3, 2019 at 4:42 am - Reply

    Thank you so much for adding some comforting clarity to life. I am a pathological empath, but at times I just feel emotionless, and cold, but heart aches with sadness and I’m so overly sensitive to everything. I feel crazy and filled with anxiety, lost and alone most of the time. I struggle to appear as normal as I can so I can function and perform well at work. I really needed to find out if there was an explanation for my cold-heart, now I know. Thanks again

  6. CM January 5, 2019 at 7:41 am - Reply

    How would you suggest starting to open up to people?
    I keep thinking I’m going to come across a romantic relationship or friendship where the other person will instinctively know that I’m not being myself and that I have a lot to open up about. I haven’t been able to find one person I’m comfortable enough with to show them “the real me”. I have two best friends whom I love dearly but they would never push me. They’ve accepted I am the way I am, and would find it extremely bizarre if I all of a sudden brought out an emotional side after being friends for almost 5 years. I can’t help but think everyone would think it’s just a cry for attention.

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