5 Struggles of Being a Cold Person with a Sensitive Soul

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cold person with a sensitive soul

A cold person with a sensitive soul may sound self-contradictory at first, but the truth is that many cold and distant people hide a vulnerable, sensitive nature.

Growing up, I always was cold-tempered and reserved. I never cried like the other kids and rarely showed any kind of emotions and sentiments.

It’s not that I was insensitive or emotionally detached, but quite the opposite. I felt everything very deeply but believed that it was not appropriate to show it. I thought my sensitivity was a weakness, so I did everything to hide it.

It may surprise you, but not all sensitive people are a sort of “drama queens” who react to everything with an emotional outburst. In fact, many of them happen to have a cold, reserved personality either due to their childhood experiences, a lack of warmth in their family, or simply the particularities of their temper.

Other people often confuse such individuals for being insensitive and hard-hearted while in reality, they are simply emotionally strong and tend to keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves.

Here are some of the struggles I faced as a cold person with a sensitive soul. Can you relate to any of them?

1. Sometimes, you really want to show your feelings, but you can’t.

If you have been a cold person for your whole life, it’s difficult (or nearly impossible) to change and become more open in expressing your feelings. Sometimes, you want to show your dear ones how much you care and how much you love them, but you literally can’t. It feels like an invisible wall that separates you from them and stops you from expressing your tenderness.

2. You hate to be seen being emotional.

You (or, at least, your subconscious mind) are used to considering any kind of strong emotions to be a weakness. So you don’t like to expose your sensitive and vulnerable self even to your close ones, such as your partner or family members. That’s why you absolutely hate when someone sees you cry, be angry or frustrated.

You try to conceal your emotions and feelings either they are negative or positive. For example, if you are in a relationship, you may be avoiding any manifestation of tenderness and love when you and your special someone are in public.

3. Others think you are hard-hearted and insensitive.

Since you rarely show your true emotions, it makes sense why other people may mistake you for a hard-hearted person. People you are not very close to may even think you just don’t care or don’t have feelings at all.

It’s because you don’t reveal the whole range of your emotions and thoughts even to your family or loved one, so the people you don’t have a deep connection with know just the tiny tip of the iceberg of your soul.

4. You are really vulnerable and get hurt easily, but no one knows it.

A silly and insignificant situation, such as a misunderstanding with your colleague or a critical comment from your boss, can sometimes spoil your mood for the whole day. Criticism, conflicts and all kinds of negative vibes unsettle you very deeply.

But those around you have no idea what you are going through. They can’t imagine that you can be frustrated with something so tiny and keep thinking that stupid situation over and over, silently drowning in the sea of distressing emotions.

5. You find it difficult to talk about your feelings.

Sometimes, you find it extremely challenging to even start a conversation aimed to explain how you feel. Here, I’m not speaking only of love confessions or relationship talks but of any situation when you have to reveal your true thoughts and feelings to someone.

This kind of conversations make you feel awkward and vulnerable, so you try to avoid having them even with your parents or special someone.

Final Thoughts

If you love a cold person with a sensitive soul, don’t wait for them to make the first step and always take the initiative in your relationship. Never forget that they do have feelings too and, in fact, may be even more sensitive than you are.

If you are this kind of person yourself, try to give yourself the permission to be more open about your feelings with your loved ones. They know, appreciate and love the real you and you’ve got nothing to fear. And most importantly, remember that sensitivity is not a weakness but is a great strength.

Are you a cold person with a sensitive soul? Did you identify with any of the above-described struggles? Share your thoughts in the comment box below.

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Anna LeMind

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.

Copyright © 2018 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
By | 2017-12-12T13:14:48+00:00 August 16th, 2016|Categories: Empath and HSP, Introvert's World, Personality|Tags: , , , , |23 Comments


  1. Thea Dunlap August 17, 2016 at 5:44 am - Reply

    For me this is deep but a very nice read to. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  2. JenB August 17, 2016 at 5:01 pm - Reply

    Yes! My partner just left me for this very reason. i was trying to work on it, but he didnt believe me. He didnt believe that I did care, that I did love him. He didnt believe me when I said how bad it hurt that I couldnt make him believe. Now hes gone and Im working daily on changing that part of me so I never lose someone I love again.

    • Elizabeth Sandra March 21, 2017 at 4:09 am - Reply

      I face similar situation as you. My partner is a very expressive man, while I am totally the opposite, so he thinks that I don’t love him as much as he does. We often argue about it too. But don’t be too sad, JenB. If he left you because of that, probably because he did not put extra effort to understand you deeper. But lesson to learn for us, we need to learn to be more expressive and flexible sometimes…

  3. Daph October 1, 2016 at 7:25 am - Reply

    I encountered a sensitive soul yet expressive one. He was open and expressive about his affection and ways of showing his endearment. He was openly loving. Since he was not only open, but also accepting, I became comfortable enough with him and opened up about myself – that I’m a sensitive person hiding behind this cold exterior. He assured me with a sweet smile. He asked me more about the things I like, the things I’m comfortable with and the things that make me feel uncomfortable. He never stopped expressing his care, love and concern. One time, while walking on the lonely streets, I found myself talking about my emotions, freely expressing what I suppressed – I found myself telling him about the emotions and things I’ve never even said out loud before. With his help, I’ve finally come to accept my emotions, dealing with them, managing them and most of all, embracing them 🙂

    The warmth of love ignites the fire of embracing emotions, which helps the cold exterior in a way that is breathtaking.

  4. Dhruv December 1, 2016 at 12:11 pm - Reply

    Things makes me feel alive

    Meaningful nd deep talks

    Your articles

    Thank you

  5. allie February 1, 2017 at 12:27 am - Reply

    I wish I had a cold soul too

    • Lunar July 7, 2017 at 7:51 am - Reply


    • JJ March 29, 2018 at 1:36 am - Reply

      hahaha you will have it one day

  6. Random February 24, 2017 at 6:15 pm - Reply

    its not good to be cold hearted believe me…. when i was in elementary i didnt cry when someone hit me got in trouble or anything cause i thought emotions made people weak so i hold it all in and acted tough and in middle school i started softening and told my self in at the end of middle school i had to be cold hearted and emotionless again cause emotions hurt and now here i am… i find it hard to love people the same now i dont even feel bad anymore when people get hurt physically and mentally but i only did it cause of problems i have… so dont be cold hearted

  7. Elizabeth Sandra March 21, 2017 at 4:06 am - Reply

    This article exactly talks about me! Although it doesn’t feel good when people misunderstand your feeling and thought most of the time…

  8. hersh April 18, 2017 at 8:58 pm - Reply

    it is very awkward. I am rather detached from most emotions and it feels like being a vast desert. I am concerned, not for short term, but I suspect if I remain like this, I may get bored with life and I think people that have ups and downs get a better deal in life experiences and motivation. It may have biological roots, but in my case, I think it was more than not was caused by my attitude towards outside stress and pressure that I ended up this way

  9. Estefania July 28, 2017 at 11:01 am - Reply

    Wow, this is perfect. I can relate 100%.
    I’d like to add something, though I don’t know if anyone else feels the same way (if you do, don’t hesitate to reply):
    The reason I don’t like to talk about my feelings is because as soon as I start talking, the emotion comes and it’s too strong, so, I have to change the subject (or my tone of voice) to keep it from spilling out.
    If I could talk about my feelings with no emotion, I think it would be much easier and I would definitely do it more often.

    • Jody December 19, 2017 at 6:33 pm - Reply

      I completely relate… you are NOT alone!

  10. == ironFist.velvetGlove August 7, 2017 at 4:33 pm - Reply

    I am surprised seeing so many females that identify and I initially assumed that the author was actually male as well. This is not coming from any type of sexism but only the fact that me being a male, I have had problems with this in every relationship I have been in. Every long relationship I have been in, I have been accused of being cold and emotionless, when in reality this couldn’t be further from the truth. Thank you very much for this article. I don’t find much on this subject while searching so far but this is exactly what I was hoping to find. Maybe I can just send this link to my girlfriend and she will understand more! Thank you!

  11. Not_Required August 30, 2017 at 10:58 am - Reply

    Still trying to make people understand I sometimes do feel bad about things.. But as everyone says I am a cold hearted person and that cannot be changed. But glad to know such people exist and I am not the only one.

  12. Lex October 1, 2017 at 2:06 pm - Reply

    I’m almost the opposite. I’m emotionally detached in that I just am not effected by the same people as others but when people say nasty things like calling me a monster for it, it does hurt but I brush it off. So same but opposite?

  13. Yori November 19, 2017 at 3:24 pm - Reply

    People expressing and exuding their emotions and energies are often quite the opposite of sensitive. Though they themselves like to claim to be the ones that really care. Truth is, if you are filled up to the brim with yourself and your own emotions, how can you to be empty or empathic at the same time? That’s impossible.

    So in my humble opinion, the only way a person can be highly sensitive and receptive, and at the same time still function in this insensitive society, is by being able to wear external energies like clothes., slide them on and off at will. Some might consider this a socio/psychopathic trait. I say, this is my way of protecting myself and dealing with being a Cancerian and a Goat.

    I recieve stuff, and in order to stay sane I need the ability to detach myself from all external energies (possessions).

    Yori Alexander Fransz

  14. Sally Nelson December 11, 2017 at 11:24 pm - Reply

    great commentary with personal anecdotes

    It underlines what I already believe about those who present as emotionless.

  15. Mario Childs January 29, 2018 at 6:30 pm - Reply

    im 17 and i started to become a cold hearted person from being bullied and lost someone i truly loved the relationship lasted two years but i ended it because she was a negative person and lied many time before. i began to stop caring for people thinking im wasting time here and there telling myself whats the damn point of this whole things so i start to distant myself from many friends and kept a few close true friends. I saw that why should i show my feelings to others why should i care when really i don’t find no interest in these conversations. i hurt a lot of people showing how cold i am and rude i can be to others. I talk short cant keep a conversation going because i get bored easily or i just dont care and wanna end the conversation. i always tell the truth to others and give them my honest no matter how rude it is i tell the truth because i am no lair like other people in this world but i only lie if its necessary to do so but other than that i spoke truth no matter what. my life growing was good until mid school i went through so much pain misery in order for me to keep on living i had to kill somethings inside of me such as feelings caring and more sense then i have been doing well but i try m best to show some true friends i care but sometimes it hard to show. i always hang out alone all the time its not because im sad or mad or anything like i just dont care if i am alone or i dont have friends im ok with the outcome of things even if i die alone be alone for the rest of my life i dont mind because i already am ok with it and i accept it nothing will change that no matter how cruel i am or others how they treat me i always be fine on my own with or without anyone.

  16. Joshua Underwood February 19, 2018 at 3:10 pm - Reply

    I’ve struggled with this since I was a child and I can’t explain anything about how I feel or what I think with out feeling really vunrable and paranoid it really sucks.

  17. Ivy March 1, 2018 at 6:35 pm - Reply

    I have problem with my husband which too sensitive and try to avoid to discuss to explain everything. He shows no emotion but just run away for everything. He didnt talk to anybody about our problem and please help to understand and overcome this problem. I have no idea until i read this article but i think i need more.

  18. Nico March 7, 2018 at 4:20 am - Reply

    This personality of mine makes it difficult to be myself. I’ve lost count of how many misunderstandings that have occurred. My culture has men that are quite expressive/friendly and rather loud. Whenever they meet me they just stare and point out my differences. It also doesn’t help my resting face looks rather menacing. I’m surprised you women faced this issues. But I assure you, you’re worth it.

  19. Celine V. April 1, 2018 at 10:17 am - Reply

    This is really true how I feel my sister and mom always wonder why am I so cold and really they want me to show emotions but it’s so hard for me to do that for them I just idk they want me to talk to them about my emotions but I don’t know how and it’s hard as well and when ever we are fighting I have to put on this cold look and that just makes them even more mad. But to me that cold face is like a shield it’s like protecting me from being an emotional wreck right there in front of them

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