We are also great at handling criticism and we’re the go-to person for advice since we stay emotionless in drama-filled situations. However, there are also many drawbacks of being emotionally cold that you can only identify with if you are such kind of a person yourself:
Sometimes, it can be great not to cry at sad movies – it means no snotty mess, no streaking mascara and no noisy sniffles. But occasionally, it may be nice to experience a sad moment the way others around us do, especially when we get glared at for being so cold.
This dreaded scenario can come in many forms – a relationship, a friendship or sometimes a complete stranger. At some point, you will be expected to speak about your feelings and if you’re emotionally detached, it just won’t happen. This isn’t to say you don’t have any feelings, but that you don’t generally want to share the ones you do have, especially not on demand.
If somebody is opening up to you about their feelings or emotions, chances are you won’t have a clue what to say in response. Whether it’s somebody telling you they love you or crying on your shoulder about their bad day, your usual response is to awkwardly say “erm” or excuse you from the situation.
Being so calm and emotionless means you’re level headed in an emergency situation. Whilst this is undoubtedly a positive thing, it also means you will end up having to deal with everybody else’s problems too.
Using wit or sarcasm as a form of humour to hide behind is one of your go-to coping mechanisms for emotional conversations. Because of this, you’re also used to people close to you getting frustrated with the fact they can’t have a serious conversation with you.
People become so used to your cold heart that they get used to saying anything to you – regardless of how hurtful it may be. Unfortunately, we do have feelings and when people forget that, it doesn’t end well.
People who are overly dependent and clingy scare the living daylights out of you because you’re used to being independent and are most definitely not used to having to deal with so much emotion.
As an emotionally detached person, it’s not just emotions you tend to shut off from people, but your day to day life too. It becomes such a habit to not rely on others that the people closest to you may actually struggle to keep up with what you’re doing in your life as you just don’t tell them.
Experiencing feelings for another human can be a terrifying thing for somebody who is emotionally detached, so you tend to shut it down and push them away as much as you can out of fear of your own emotions.
New people may struggle to cope with your lack of emotional expression, but the important thing is that those who are in your life know what you’re like and accept you for you.
It’s not easy being emotionally detached, but it makes it a little bit easier knowing others share our pain. Can you identify with anything on this list or do you know someone who is emotionally detached? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
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GW...Don’t do it. Sorry but she won’t change. And as much as you love her, or as good a person as she is, it will break your heart.
I am married to an emotionally detached person and it will be ending soon because I can not longer be with someone who shows no emotion. He doesn’t seem happy when I share my accomplishments (although he says he is) he doesn’t show any emotion when our 1 1/2 yr old burned her hand (when he was watching her) he has no facial expression when I talk to him, when I am sad or upset he is bot there for me he doesn’t show concern but he says it. There are always words but no actions. A person needs to be shown that you care not just told. He has trama from his childhood ad is a cop so he admits he is emotionally detached but unfortunately doesn’t change and I’m not sure he ever could. It’s sad because he is a good person but there is nothing there like no communication, no emotion, no support...nothing! I’m not sure people can ever learn to be emotionally available after detaching themselves
I’m female. I just broke up with someone. I did it via email initially (we’ve only been talking for a couple of months) because I wanted to be able to say what I needed to say without interruption or hesitation. I called her a couple days later because I didn’t want to be a total jerk with email. Well she was crying her eyes out. She was in a tremendous amount of pain (she fell pretty hard pretty fast and was actually ready to get married). I just sat there on the phone waiting for it to all be over. I didn’t want to hurt her. I really didn’t. I had hoped an upcoming visit would reignite what I was feeling earlier, but once I realized I didn’t have strong enough interest to keep it going, I checked out. So by the time I sent the email, I was over it. When I hung up the phone, I couldn’t help think there was something wrong with me. I immediately googled emotional detachment and came across this site. I’m prior military and learned how to compartmentalize my feelings out of necessity (like being in Saudi Arabia when 9/11 happened and worrying about family back home). I don’t think I’ve ever been able to really show emotions. I have no friends. I’ve pushed everyone away. I’ve tried crying after breakups but the tears won’t come. I just snap out of it. I do cry at sad movies or random acts of kindness. I have a heart. I’m just broken when it comes to showing emotion in human interaction. It really sucks.
I'm doing research to write about how to use detachment in a healthy way when you are feeling angry, sad, or scared. I think of it as looking down at yourself, watching your own behavior, and being aware of how you are feeling and what you are doing. I can understand how people would choose to detach from emotions after experiencing some trauma. I have experienced trauma myself. For me feeling numb meant I was freezing my feelings because expressing my feelings of anger, sadness, or fear meant I would get punished or belittled for having them. I had to stop interacting with people who were hurting me. Then I learned to be my own parent. I had to grieve for all the hurtful events from my childhood. I felt denial, anger and sadness about them until I found my way to acceptance. I had to learn to label my feelings and identify them. I used a journal to do that. Now I think of my feelings as friends. They tell me what I like or don't like. Feeling my feelings does not mean I have to react with a specific behavior. Sometimes my anger is telling me someone has crossed a boundary and I need to stand up for myself. My sadness tells me that I'm grieving for loosing something or not getting what I want. My fear tells me that something may be hurting me. Sometimes my fear is triggered by an event that remind me from my past. I listen to the messages my feelings are telling me. I thank them. Then I think about what I need to do to take care of myself. I treat myself with love and compassion. I'm able to let other people into my life because I love and trust myself to take care of myself even if someone does something that hurts my feelings. I have found people who like me for who I am. I like feeling intimacy now with people who are nice to me. It makes me feel loved, accepted, and cared about. There are posts here from some people who want to change themselves. You can find a way to heal yourself. There are other people out there who have experienced trauma and managed to heal from it. You can do it to. It just takes time.
I wouldn’t call myself emotionally detached. I feel genuine happiness, sadness, anger and i feel empathy for other but its more that if your telling me you lost a loved one, I wouldn’t know what do say to comfort you. If your feeling depressed I wouldn’t know what to say. I kinda describe it like the words get caught in my throat and i wanna say those words but, i never had those words in the first place. I will be there for you and ill be there forever until you tell me you dont need me anymore. But Ive got nothing but to listen to you. Im giving all that i can, please accept my silence.