The family scapegoat is the portion of the dysfunctional family that takes the brunt of every situation.
No matter what happened, even if the situation could not possibly be any fault of the scapegoat, this designated person still receives a portion of the blame. It’s not entirely clear as to why they receive such blame, but this treatment can be devastating later in life.
The dysfunctional family must keep their image unmarred. This is why they choose certain members of the family to take the blame for any problems that arise.
There’s no way these dysfunctional dominant family members will allow responsibilities to be allocated in the right way. It’s about covering flaws to the point of ridiculous measures.
Were you the scapegoat in your family? Read on and learn the truth.
If you were part of a dysfunctional family, then you may have noticed how no one wanted to listen to you. Unfortunately, that may mean you were the scapegoat in the family. If most of the blame was placed on you, then you were ignored when trying to set things right. This is simply because your truth destroyed their illusion.
It’s sad to think about it, but scapegoats come to a realization that they cannot remember being complimented. Considering most people remember receiving compliments occasionally, the scapegoat lives a dismal life of self-doubt.
The family scapegoat wasn’t complimented as a child because this would contradict their flawed and always responsible position in the family.
Honestly, everyone can change for the better in some way, but as for the family scapegoat, they’re expected to make changes every day. Dysfunctional families, after designating the scapegoat, will dish out lengthy reasons for a change.
Of course, this change always falls on the scapegoat. When changes aren’t made, it’s just more reason to blame them for everything that happens.
Have you ever been to a family function where the same person always got picked on? Well, congratulations, you just discovered the family scapegoat.
This designated member of the family is teased and tormented at all family functions if not every single day. It’s amazing just how much abuse this person can take.
Later in life, the scapegoat will struggle with fierce self-esteem issues.
Just as you were being ignored, you were also being isolated. No, the goal was not to isolate you from all of the family, but just the one person who took up for you. The dysfunctional family which requires a scapegoat for existence will never let the scapegoat find their worth.
This is what happens when someone steps in and takes the scapegoat’s side in any given situation. As the scapegoat starts to feel better about themselves, the family will quickly isolate them from their ally and put the scapegoat back in their place.
If you can visualize someone firmly placing their foot on someone else’s neck, then you correctly visualize what it’s like for the scapegoat.
If you think the insults vaulted toward you in your presence were bad, then the insults behind your back were even worse. Dysfunctional families will not only attempt to convince you of your negative character, but they will also try to convince others of the same things.
This was done to further enforce isolation from other people who may have taken your side.
Here’s an absolutely crazy situation for the scapegoat. Say, you were the scapegoat and you were doing housework, and suddenly the scapegoater, who was sitting around looking at their phone, entered the scene and accused you of being lazy…do you see how insane this sounds?
Well, this happens often. Scapegoats are often accused of doing things that the other members of the family are doing. It doesn’t matter how blatant the accusations are, the scapegoat will always be the one who has to absorb the criticism.
No matter what you do, or who’s around, you were the punching bag. All the other members of the family also labeled you as the one who’s wrong, mean, unfair, and dysfunctional.
When people came around, your family members warned them about your behavior and told them to stay away from you.
I am sure you’ve heard the warnings about certain family members from friends or in-laws, haven’t you? It’s possible that you’re hearing about the scapegoat. You may also start to realize that you’re always steered away from this person. Interesting, isn’t it?
It’s sad to hear these things about the scapegoating process. Fortunately, it is possible to heal from this horrendous abuse. Healing from such treatment first takes realizing the fault in your childhood image.
You must understand that the things said about you were not true. When you make this realization, you can start to build yourself up with positive reinforcement.
If you were a victim of scapegoating, then there is hope. Finding your true identity after abuse of this form is hard but beneficial to a full healthy life. Were you the family scapegoat? If so, it’s time to throw away the old you and find the person you were always meant to be.
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It's 'funny' though (and I mean funny in a dark morbid sense ) as to what sometimes happens.
Take my case for example. I was the scapegoat for the first 25 years of my life. Then I moved far away to accept a high paying job. Guess what happened? Yep, requests for money from my family. The final straw was that these requests were not placed in a respectful or even civil format, but in a 'You own us for putting up with you' demanda.
No contact with them for the last five years and only hope it will continue like that for thr rest of my life.
Sometimes people are just so toxic, it is the only thimg left to do.
My family tells me I'm paranoid like my dad but I was neglected as a child and ignored pretty much and was living around rubbish and mice I was really frustrated as a kid and don't understand why my life was like that and never being able to say anything to anyone coz they was neglecting me and after that i moved to my aunties and she hated my mum she never helped me it was weird was like she was pretending to help me and I thought she was and she never had conversatio a with me but did her kids would act like all different when people were round and would be nice to me and soon as they left she would switch to I'm not a person anymore and now I don't trust anyone and I'm stuck with mum who's not well to even talk to and I'm to embarrassed of my self I can't even look anyone in the eye I just panic and hide and I keep drinking alcohol feel like only thing i v fgot want help but no one gets me just think I'm coursing my own issues or they just saying i am
I’ve been the scapegoat all my life. I start to do good and they would just break me n back down. Tell me I’m the milkman’s, tell me I need to change then when I change I get told I don’t care or try and I need to change more. I will do what they say and when that goes wrong, it’s still my fault. Or when I stick up for my self I’m told just let it go it does not matter. I'm 36 now and have lost everything. My stuff stolen yet my family constantly tells me stuff that runs in I have nothing. I get a lawyer to help and they cut me off and apologize for the but directly hinder me from asking questions that matter.I'm fed up ready to say f everything and everyone as nobody listens to me now. I ha cptsd and adhd and they like to set me off thinks it's funny. I don't trust anyone anymore and I have been trying to get a new life started but the things holding me back they refuse to help with or sabatoge while they help with things to look like they are trying to help. They will start fights before people are around and then stop when they get there so it looks bad on me. I hate life and I wish my body would just quit. My soul is tired and hope diminished
I checked all 8 boxes. And it took me into being a senior citizen to heal. To know them and to know me. I have left that behind me and embrace the good life I have made for myself. My sons and daughter-in-law are my soft places to fall.
Scapegoat here. Although I always knew that my family was screwed up, I didn't realize until my late 50's that they fell within the description of a dysfunctional family. Now all the pieces fell into place. My Narcissistic mother ruined 4 sons, of which I made out the best financially. It was tough sledding for many years, but with the reading I have done, things have improved.
My mother was always nuts, so her shafting me in the end was not really a surprise. What was a surprise is that my golden brother was oh so willing to be her little helper - I always wrongly believed that he was my best friend.
The bitch let my father die on the floor and she should probably have gone to prison for it, which is probably why she didn't sue the E.R. that released him a few hours prior to his death. I really suffered after his death, to the point that I sort of Canonized him. It took a long time for the smoke to clear and for me to realize that he was a weak enabler all throughout my youth, and contributed to his own death. With her help, of course...