7 Truths about People Who Make Everything about Themselves
Published by
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.
10 months ago
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There are also situations when dealing with a covert narcissist that it can make you actually feel self centered yourself because of their lack of interest in you and their constant need to talk about themselves and not let you get a word in edgewise, you have to sometimes bring the conversation back to yourself or else it's just a one ended conversation. I feel these people create more toxicity and abuse even in normal or seemingly normal conversations than people realize sometimes.
This is true. And, to be honest, I catch myself talking too much quite a bit. I try so very hard to catch this and apologize. Then I start sounding ridiculous because I'm apologizing too much. lol. But yes, narcissists always strive to be the topic of every conversation and the latest greatest news.
Your article hit home. Various attributes from your article describe traits I see in my wife. In her I see: The perpetual victim, Emotional Vampire, and Insecurity. She was abused as a child by a relative, and was married to a narcissistic man for many years. Her self-absorption now mostly revolves around her health (sleep, itchy skin, restless legs, headaches, stomach aches, her vision, sore back, and constantly clearing her throat), but the issues are revolving and ever-changing. She takes anti-anxiety & antidepressant meds. She has ADHD which ends most ‘serious’ conversations when she is ‘distracted’ by literally anything. I don’t believe she is hiding behind a mask, she is not obsessed with her appearance, does not fish for compliments, and is not the least bit controlling. When I do discuss my concerns, she says that I’m being mean and she just wants us to be happy. We’ve been to couple’s counseling at my urging, but it only resulted in me being counseled how to adapt to her triggers. If I told her that she rarely finds herself accountable for situations of her own making, was self-absorbed, steered most conversations back to her by engaging in competitive victimhood, or is emotionally draining, she would probably not recognize any of them, and she’d be hurt and lash out defensively. I am at a total loss as to how to help her.
Hey there, AJ
I will be honest with you. For a moment, I thought you were my husband using another name, lol. I see many of these traits of hers in myself. What I can do, and maybe this will help, is tell you about my shortcomings.
I was abused in childhood, married to a narcissistic man, and my health is an ever-rotating series of ailments. I am disabled, in fact. I've been called self-absorbed and told to stop playing the victim. I do not know how she thinks, but I know how I think. The abuse I endured was horrific, sexual, physical, mental, and emotional...oh, and don't forget verbal. We do have triggers, and for me, there are many. I have PTSD because of what happened and the marriage. And I don't want to mention all the medical issues I'm facing now. For me, I dissolve into my own world where I'm fighting to survive every single day.
My husband probably feels completely ignored because I'm either depressed, physically sick, or distracted (Not ADHD, but bipolar disorder). He complains about how I don't spend time with him, etc. Of course, he isn't as helpful as he should be and he doesn't seem to be interested in understanding mental health issues.
I see that you do want to understand. And I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to deal with someone like us. Me and your wife sound similar. Do you know how hard it is for me to admit that here in the comments? I know I am deeply flawed and that I am not able to put the effort into a relationship that I need to. I bet she struggles with this too. She knows what she's doing, and probably cannot control it very well. But again, I don't know what she thinks...just guessing.
I do believe you are emotionally drained and you want so badly to connect in a healthy way. All I can say is keep doing good and keep loving. These things do not go unnoticed to the universe. You will be blessed for your efforts and if it doesn't work out, you will know that you did every thing you could. HOpefully, things will get better. Try journalling your feelings. I've heard it helps to write things out.
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There are also situations when dealing with a covert narcissist that it can make you actually feel self centered yourself because of their lack of interest in you and their constant need to talk about themselves and not let you get a word in edgewise, you have to sometimes bring the conversation back to yourself or else it's just a one ended conversation. I feel these people create more toxicity and abuse even in normal or seemingly normal conversations than people realize sometimes.
This is true. And, to be honest, I catch myself talking too much quite a bit. I try so very hard to catch this and apologize. Then I start sounding ridiculous because I'm apologizing too much. lol. But yes, narcissists always strive to be the topic of every conversation and the latest greatest news.
Your article hit home. Various attributes from your article describe traits I see in my wife. In her I see: The perpetual victim, Emotional Vampire, and Insecurity. She was abused as a child by a relative, and was married to a narcissistic man for many years. Her self-absorption now mostly revolves around her health (sleep, itchy skin, restless legs, headaches, stomach aches, her vision, sore back, and constantly clearing her throat), but the issues are revolving and ever-changing. She takes anti-anxiety & antidepressant meds. She has ADHD which ends most ‘serious’ conversations when she is ‘distracted’ by literally anything. I don’t believe she is hiding behind a mask, she is not obsessed with her appearance, does not fish for compliments, and is not the least bit controlling. When I do discuss my concerns, she says that I’m being mean and she just wants us to be happy. We’ve been to couple’s counseling at my urging, but it only resulted in me being counseled how to adapt to her triggers. If I told her that she rarely finds herself accountable for situations of her own making, was self-absorbed, steered most conversations back to her by engaging in competitive victimhood, or is emotionally draining, she would probably not recognize any of them, and she’d be hurt and lash out defensively. I am at a total loss as to how to help her.
Hey there, AJ
I will be honest with you. For a moment, I thought you were my husband using another name, lol. I see many of these traits of hers in myself. What I can do, and maybe this will help, is tell you about my shortcomings.
I was abused in childhood, married to a narcissistic man, and my health is an ever-rotating series of ailments. I am disabled, in fact. I've been called self-absorbed and told to stop playing the victim. I do not know how she thinks, but I know how I think. The abuse I endured was horrific, sexual, physical, mental, and emotional...oh, and don't forget verbal. We do have triggers, and for me, there are many. I have PTSD because of what happened and the marriage. And I don't want to mention all the medical issues I'm facing now. For me, I dissolve into my own world where I'm fighting to survive every single day.
My husband probably feels completely ignored because I'm either depressed, physically sick, or distracted (Not ADHD, but bipolar disorder). He complains about how I don't spend time with him, etc. Of course, he isn't as helpful as he should be and he doesn't seem to be interested in understanding mental health issues.
I see that you do want to understand. And I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to deal with someone like us. Me and your wife sound similar. Do you know how hard it is for me to admit that here in the comments? I know I am deeply flawed and that I am not able to put the effort into a relationship that I need to. I bet she struggles with this too. She knows what she's doing, and probably cannot control it very well. But again, I don't know what she thinks...just guessing.
I do believe you are emotionally drained and you want so badly to connect in a healthy way. All I can say is keep doing good and keep loving. These things do not go unnoticed to the universe. You will be blessed for your efforts and if it doesn't work out, you will know that you did every thing you could. HOpefully, things will get better. Try journalling your feelings. I've heard it helps to write things out.