People who make everything about themselves are, in more simple terms, self-absorbed or selfish. But why are they so obsessed?
Well, it’s simple, and yet, it’s not. Normally, human beings are like this between the ages of 2 and 6, and then they grow out of it.
But for those who make everything about themselves, they’ve become stuck in that place. However, they are often quite good at masking these emotions and feelings.
People who make everything about themselves
Now that I’ve shared the simple truth, I will go deeper into the complexities. Many people have layers of complicated character traits that present as toxic behavior. Some of them are more tolerable than others.
Understanding how this works means facing hard truths about people who make everything about themselves. Here are some things that might help.
1. Narcissism
People who make everything about themselves are sometimes narcissistic. There are many levels of narcissism, as there are narcissistic disorders at either drastic end of the narcissistic spectrum.
Those who always put themselves first are very entitled and always seem to bring situations and conversations back to themselves. And as narcissists, this interchange is highly toxic. So, if someone you know seems to be all about themselves and cares little about what you have to say, then they may fit this category.
2. Loneliness
Loneliness can also make people become more self-centered. After spending weeks, months, or years alone, a person gets used to doing things to benefit themselves. And if they spend more time with other people suddenly, they may start acting selfish or needy.
With this situation, it can be temporary, or it can be a state of being that’s become permanent in their lives. And if they seem to make everything about themselves, it may just be how they are now.
Loneliness has a way of making you put yourself first because, frankly, you are the only one around. That habit is tough to break.
3. Need for total control
Some people seem to care only about themselves because they want to always be in control. Once they start showing consideration for others, they feel like they’ve lost the upper hand. It’s strange to witness, really.
The controlling type of person wants everything their way or nothing at all. And they rarely appreciate your thoughts or ideas.
4. The perpetual victim
I am familiar with this one, as I’ve lost friends to this before. One thing you will notice about someone who makes everything about themselves is that they are always the victim of some wrongdoing. It doesn’t matter if the problem was 100% their fault, to them, it was none of their fault.
And when it’s drastically noticeable, it’s also fascinating to watch. This victimhood becomes a competition, especially if you decide to tell them about something bad that happened. When you do, they will always have some worse tale to tell.
5. Need for reassurance
With people who make everything about themselves, there is a constant need for reassurance. They are always fishing for compliments by putting themselves down first. It’s a crafty way of insisting that other people tell them how special they are.
Some of these individuals have low self-esteem, while others think they are better than other people. Nevertheless, they all will require reassurance to stay relevant. You will notice how they are always asking how an article of clothing looks on them, or how their hair looks, and sometimes they’ll obsess about their weight.
But it all boils down to you telling them how great they are. The spotlight is always on them.
6. Emotional Vampire
Maybe the vampires from the movies don’t exist, but emotional ones do. And guess what? They are usually making things all about themselves. I mean, it’s part of their energy-draining personality.
Let me ask you one question: Is there a person in your life that makes you feel tired every time you talk to them? If so, this person could be an emotional vampire. And I bet, even if you talk about other things sometimes, the subject always goes right back to them.
7. Insecurity
People who are insecure will sometimes try very hard to make themselves seem confident. And by doing this, they will come across as being self-centered. There are many narcissists who do this. Narcissism, controlling behavior, and insecurity often intersect.
So, those who make everything about themselves can have layers of dysfunctional thinking. Insecurity is sad, but it can lead to hurting other people if it isn’t put into check.
Dealing with complex individuals
Even when you think you’ve seen it all, this type of person will still surprise you. Hmm, I think I may know someone like this right now. But here’s the other thing, sometimes these people don’t know that they are being so self-absorbed. I mean, I’ve done this too, and many times!
So while you should be compassionate in case someone is really hurting and going through tough times in their life, you should also stand firm. This is because you never really know when there’s a narcissistic personality waiting behind a mask.
So, be careful when trying to solve this problem. Unfortunately, sometimes the only thing you can do is remove yourself from the negative situation. Let’s hope for the best.
And maybe this information helps.
Featured image by benzoix on Freepik
There are also situations when dealing with a covert narcissist that it can make you actually feel self centered yourself because of their lack of interest in you and their constant need to talk about themselves and not let you get a word in edgewise, you have to sometimes bring the conversation back to yourself or else it’s just a one ended conversation. I feel these people create more toxicity and abuse even in normal or seemingly normal conversations than people realize sometimes.
This is true. And, to be honest, I catch myself talking too much quite a bit. I try so very hard to catch this and apologize. Then I start sounding ridiculous because I’m apologizing too much. lol. But yes, narcissists always strive to be the topic of every conversation and the latest greatest news.
Your article hit home. Various attributes from your article describe traits I see in my wife. In her I see: The perpetual victim, Emotional Vampire, and Insecurity. She was abused as a child by a relative, and was married to a narcissistic man for many years. Her self-absorption now mostly revolves around her health (sleep, itchy skin, restless legs, headaches, stomach aches, her vision, sore back, and constantly clearing her throat), but the issues are revolving and ever-changing. She takes anti-anxiety & antidepressant meds. She has ADHD which ends most ‘serious’ conversations when she is ‘distracted’ by literally anything. I don’t believe she is hiding behind a mask, she is not obsessed with her appearance, does not fish for compliments, and is not the least bit controlling. When I do discuss my concerns, she says that I’m being mean and she just wants us to be happy. We’ve been to couple’s counseling at my urging, but it only resulted in me being counseled how to adapt to her triggers. If I told her that she rarely finds herself accountable for situations of her own making, was self-absorbed, steered most conversations back to her by engaging in competitive victimhood, or is emotionally draining, she would probably not recognize any of them, and she’d be hurt and lash out defensively. I am at a total loss as to how to help her.
Hey there, AJ
I will be honest with you. For a moment, I thought you were my husband using another name, lol. I see many of these traits of hers in myself. What I can do, and maybe this will help, is tell you about my shortcomings.
I was abused in childhood, married to a narcissistic man, and my health is an ever-rotating series of ailments. I am disabled, in fact. I’ve been called self-absorbed and told to stop playing the victim. I do not know how she thinks, but I know how I think. The abuse I endured was horrific, sexual, physical, mental, and emotional…oh, and don’t forget verbal. We do have triggers, and for me, there are many. I have PTSD because of what happened and the marriage. And I don’t want to mention all the medical issues I’m facing now. For me, I dissolve into my own world where I’m fighting to survive every single day.
My husband probably feels completely ignored because I’m either depressed, physically sick, or distracted (Not ADHD, but bipolar disorder). He complains about how I don’t spend time with him, etc. Of course, he isn’t as helpful as he should be and he doesn’t seem to be interested in understanding mental health issues.
I see that you do want to understand. And I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to deal with someone like us. Me and your wife sound similar. Do you know how hard it is for me to admit that here in the comments? I know I am deeply flawed and that I am not able to put the effort into a relationship that I need to. I bet she struggles with this too. She knows what she’s doing, and probably cannot control it very well. But again, I don’t know what she thinks…just guessing.
I do believe you are emotionally drained and you want so badly to connect in a healthy way. All I can say is keep doing good and keep loving. These things do not go unnoticed to the universe. You will be blessed for your efforts and if it doesn’t work out, you will know that you did every thing you could. HOpefully, things will get better. Try journalling your feelings. I’ve heard it helps to write things out.