Who Are Emotional Vampires and How to Recognize if You Are Dealing with One (or Are One Yourself)

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emotional Vampires

Emotional vampires are like their monster counterparts, they drain your life away. But it’s not blood they’re after, it’s the life essence of others that feeds them.

I was excited about writing this piece, and yes, I had some pretty interesting angles. But when I started to study the subject, I made a horrifying discovery. I was about to write about myself, an emotional vampire. I guess you think I’m being hard on myself, and maybe I am just a little, but I saw myself in every aspect of the vampire personality. What can I do?

Until recently, I had seen characteristics of narcissism and toxic personalities in those who were abusive to me. I recognized the games they were about to play and was able to thwart them from their mission. But then, as I felt proud of my discovery, I saw the same traits blooming within myself. I realized that the symbolic vampire had bitten me and had transferred its toxin into my own psyche.

I was growing into a monster

But I won’t leave you hanging in my self-absorbed rant. No, I actually want to get better. I need for you to understand what an emotional vampire is so that you can recognize them, even if it’s when you look in the mirror.

Emotional vampire-someone who drains the emotional energy from others, either on purpose or unintentionally.

I guess the best way to understand the emotional vampire is to answer a set of questions:

  1. Do you feel drained after being in the company of certain loved ones?
  2. Is someone you love always surrounded by drama?
  3. Is everything all about them, the sun, the moon and all the other planets, yeah, do they revolve around this friend?

So, without further ado, let’s reveal the true aspects of the emotional vampire

An emotional vampire is different than a physical vampire and quite separated from the psychic vampire as well. With an emotional vampire, the tactics can be subtle, and with this energy sucker, they can be completely unaware of their negative actions. Trust me, I was shocked to see myself in these characteristics, but I will sacrifice myself gladly, in order to find salvation for you and for me. This, my friends, is how you recognize the emotional vampire.

Yes, I can be self-absorbed

Even as I write this article, I feel self-absorbed. Maybe I am, and maybe with my constant mention of myself, I grow even more self-absorbed. I am disturbed, because, as I write, I feel the guilt of making this about me, again. An emotional vampire will be focused on themselves above all others.

Sometimes they will draw just as much negative attention to themselves as they do with bragging. Sometimes, this self-absorbed behavior is unintentional, it’s just become a habit. Sometimes this behavior has grown from past abusive treatment from others, as a way to become stronger again.

I don’t listen well

When you talk to me, I find a way to revert the conversation back to myself. I hear what you say, but I am always formulating my next statements as you talk. Do I really listen? I’m not sure if I do or not, and this is a trait that I am ashamed of.

The emotional vampire will not really listen. They will only stare with a blank expression, meanwhile formulating a response in their mind. They are consciously thinking of something more interesting than what you said before. I think it’s more than just devious behavior. I think it has become a habit to fight low self-esteem, even when it comes to simple conversation.

I have victim mentality

I am a victim, let me get that straight first off.  That statement, in itself, is unhealthy. I should say, “I was a victim”, but now I am a survivor. I was abused in many ways throughout my life, by horrible oppressors, but if I choose to remain in the aftermath of that battle, then I suffer from a victim mentality.

With this victim mentality, I will dominate the spotlight. I will draw attention to myself through the ordeal that I have been through. Instead of growing, I sometimes use this ordeal to excuse my wrong actions. I blame my abusers, but I should also blame myself. I had a choice to make when I realized my worth, and I didn’t always take the right pathway. Emotional vampires travel a dark and unhealthy road, playing the immortal victim.

It’s never my fault and I am perfect

Despite the situation that I am in, it’s not my fault, none of it is my doing. I play from every angle on how I am the damsel in distress, and I am in this place because of someone else’s manipulation. This is halfway true, but the other half shows that I have lofty views of myself. I have gone way above having a healthy self-image and into the world of being conceited.

Let me break it down for you: I can do nothing wrong, I can say nothing wrong and my beliefs, ideas, and actions are always done for innocent or right reasons. Everyone else, on the other hand, they’re wrong. Emotional vampires, when offended, cannot easily see things from other perspectives. Being wrong is damaging and makes them feel like they are in that victim place again, losing control and giving over to the abuser that’s cornered them.

I will drain you

I don’t mean to, but after being in my presence, you will feel drained. I crave so much attention and constant interaction, that keeping up with me is difficult. I talk fast, move fast and even convey ideas in a passionate burst of enthusiasm. Then, just as suddenly as I became animated, I can drop into a funk of depression.

Emotional vampires feed off the light, unlike the monsters from the movies. All that is shiny and new, all that is beautiful, we covet. If an emotional vampire was once a victim, they will be drawn to the new life of someone who is kind to them, someone who will listen and someone who will love them. They will love back with the same intensity, but not without draining much of that vitality for themselves. I don’t mean to do it, and maybe, I can learn to share instead of taking.

I am controlling

Emotional vampires tend to be controlling in relationships and with other loved ones. I think that the loss of control from other areas of life forces them to seek their own kingdom, somewhere that they can feel important and powerful. But more so, somewhere that they feel safe and always aware of what’s going on.

I am controlling, although I have no desire to be. I feel that if I can always know, always see and always understand every aspect of my life, then I can be happy. Since I am familiar with what I don’t want out of life, I am also strong in what I must have. I can be unmerciful, and unwilling when it comes to accepting change and compromise.

I’m not satisfied with my own life

Basically, I’m not happy about how my life is going. I’m not in the place that I want to be, I’m not fulfilling promises that I have made and I’m hurting other people. I have full knowledge of my what I’m doing and I cannot stop myself. I see the end but I am too much of a coward and lack the motivation to get where I need to be.

I am an emotional vampire, I drain others because I am so miserable with my own life. There, I said it. I have pretended to know what I’m doing for so long and now, I cannot hide. The bright side is, I know what I want. I see this beautiful destination if only I could see things from another perspective. I won’t give up, and if you know someone who is an emotional vampire, all is not lost.

What can we do? What shall I do?

I have exposed myself, my vampiric nature, and hopefully, this is my first step to healing. I encourage everyone to have an open mind about people who deal with complicated natures. Yes, I ask for mercy. I also warn you against getting too close if you’re not strong enough to deal with the emotional vampire. You must be strong, otherwise, the cycle will continue.

Most times, emotional vampires are born from traumatic experiences, and this gives me hope that I can heal from these damages. And you have to want it too, and I want this will all my heart.

Just as much as I want what’s waiting for me when I’m strong enough to go get it.

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Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.




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