The victim mentality is a malignancy feeding off neglect, criticism, and mistreatment. This feeling can become a way of life. Are you a perpetual victim?

At the moment, I’m feeling like a victim. People keep calling me, texting me and I can’t get any work completed. I feel like I’m being attacked from all sides by inconsiderate family members who refuse to acknowledge what I’m doing as a “real job”. Yes, I have a victim mentality, but I don’t think I always have this. There are those who live this life day after day, however.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest. Now, on to the facts.

Unlike narcissists, those with a victim mentality develop a rather passive attitude towards the world. Events that cause them mental trauma are beyond their control, according to the admission of these tormented individuals. Life is not something they have created for themselves, rather life is what’s happening to them – each circumstance, each ridicule, they are part of the unalterable design of the universe.

Victims of this nature are tragic heroes. They are the loners who go on long walks alone basking in their morbid predicament, as I said before, that they cannot change. Some of the worst sufferers actually enjoy this state of being a victim. The victim mentality is a notorious illness which has its own dark beauty.

Does someone you know fit this description? Or better yet, are you trapped in this victim mentality?

I think the original source of the victim mentality is feeling hopeless. Hopelessness is overwhelming and quickly leads to negative responses. There is an inability to grasp power in any given situation, and power would enable the victim to devise a way out of their negative predicament. You will know the “victim” when they open their mouth, even the one who desperately tries to hide their “woe is me” temperament. Or…is this you? Are you that victim?

  1. Victims are not resilient

Those who suffer from the victim mentality have a weaker ability to bounce back from bad circumstances. Instead of getting up and dusting themselves off, they prefer to wallow in self-pity while discussing their problems. This is in hopes of comfort which is only a temporary solution. Do you do this?

       2. Victims do not take responsibility for their actions

If you know someone who never wants to take responsibility for the mistakes they have made, then you might be looking at a perpetual victim. Instead of admitting to their mistakes, they rather shell out blame to those around them, while talking about how bad their life is. Does the statement, “I have the worst luck”, mean anything to you? Is this you?

       3. Victims are passive aggressive

Although there are a few exceptions, most individuals with a victim mentality are passive aggressive. They will be quiet and brooding, for the most part. If you ask them how they’re doing, however, they will most likely talk negatively and never smile, even if you tell a joke. They won’t start active arguments or fights, only passively. They may even refuse to stand up for themselves because, according to their dialogue, “they would never win anything anyway, it’s just life.” Are you guilty of acting this way?

       4. Victims are quiet angry people

Have you ever met someone that was just angry at everything? That no matter what you talked about, they always found some way to become angry? This anger comes from their lack of power to change their life, or in some instances, the power to control things to their own advantage. A victim will always be angry about something, even if they have to fabricate a situation to recharge that angry façade. Are you always angry?

       5. Victims are disillusioned

If your friend or family member is always passing around blame for something that happened to them, and fail to realize the problem is always connected to them, then you’ve found a victim. The truth is, they have problems that should be corrected by trying harder to be a better person, not because someone is out to get them. Unfortunately, they get stuck and this is why they have a victim mentality. Do you feel this way?

        6. And selfish

Do you know why those with a victim mentality are so selfish? It’s because they feel like the world owes them something. The world has hurt them, the world has stolen their dreams and left them with a darkness instead, and so the world must pay. I’m serious, pay attention to some people who are always getting everything they can, even at the expense of leaving nothing for everyone else. Are you selfish?

Some victims gather enough energy to get revenge, imagine that.

Why do those who suffer from the victim mentality seek revenge? Well, that’s easy to explain. Since the world has wronged them, the world must pay, right? And it goes deeper than that too. Not only do victims get vengeance on others, they also get to keep the drama going, either for entertainment purposes or to get attention. Who really knows for sure the intricate mindset of the victim.

When speaking of revenge, Social psychologist at Colgate University in Hamilton N.Y., Kevin Carlsmith said,

“Rather than providing closure, it does the opposite: It keeps the wound open and fresh.”

Stop the nonsense

Now that you have an understanding of the victim mentality, let’s find a way to remedy this issue. If you suffer from this, you can utilize a few changes in your thought process.

Change your story

I wrote a memoir of my life, and darn if I wasn’t a certified victim according to my memories. I still have so many victim traits and it’s hard to catch them and keep them in check. So, I propose that you change your story, as I am attempting to change mine. From now on, I am not a victim, I am a survivor.

Change your focus

Stop being so self-absorbed. I know I have been, many times in the past and was shocked when someone put the truth in my face. Focus, instead, on doing things for others and staying interested in their stories.

Stop being entitled

Guess what! The world owes you nothing, not a thing, not even a sandwich. So stop crying about your entitlement and get out there and work for something. This will give you a push and it will show you what the world really is, an indifferent rock on which we spin round and round. Lol

Alright, so I finally got some work done, obviously, and guess what…it was no one’s fault but my own that it took this long. I did have outside disturbances and distractions, but there are always ways to remedy a situation. So I won’t whine anymore about how I’m wrong, I will just continue to look for ways to fix it.

And most importantly, take responsibility for my actions. Take care.

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Mechelle A

    The Victim article is right on the money. I am ready for the second article that says how to deal with one who lives their life this way. The seemingly cannot change or do not want to change or enjoy the attention they get. Why is it so hard for them to see how damning this is to their lives, relationships and successes or lack there of. I was a victim, and grew up in a victim mentality home. Now I was my siblings and their children repeat history and it hurts when you know there IS an answer, but they refuse to see it.

  2. Avatar
    Lisa Houlihan

    You said people with a victim mentality are “unlike narcissists.” I totally disagree with this. One of the indicators for narcissism is a victim mentality, along with several others. Narcissists are always “the victim” and never take responsibility for their actions and it’s always someone else’s fault. I think you need to read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

  3. Avatar
    Debra Salles

    I totally dissagree with this article. Blaming the victim for being victimized in the real world is dismissing the harm that the victimizer does. There are REAL situations where I personally have been victimized and my property stolen. Blaming the victim is exactly what the victimizer wants..to poison the well..in addition to other ad homiens.

    1. Avatar
      AK

      I don’t think you understood this article in the correct context. Technically, we have all been “victimized” at some point in our lives—every last one of us. Some were made fun of in school, belittled or abused by parents, taken advantage of by a friend, betrayed by a romantic partner, the list goes on and for many it gets much worse.The key difference between being victimized and being a perpetual victim can be narrowed down to this: one is a circumstance and the other is an often subconscious choice. We all encounter difficult and unfortunate circumstances in life but no one is ALWAYS the victim. In some cases, you are the perpetrator, be it intentional or not. Nothing in this article gave me the impression that the author is “blaming the victim for being victimized” and I think that’s a pretty harsh accusation. This article is not focused on people who have been victims at some point in life (maybe even various points in life)— it’s focused on those who in every situation, mild or devastating, are ALWAYS the victim.

  4. Avatar
    Sameer Parashar

    Exceptionally unique thought process….. inspiring as well as introspective.
    It hints a quite interesting observation of the mankind and the different personalities around.
    Appreciable

  5. Avatar
    julie

    Quite easy set boundaries with them tell it wont be tolerated and call them out on there behaviour. ( not the events that take place which will result in a long conversation about how you are the problem). Also be on look out for a second attack from all the people who do feel sorry for them. Unfortunately have had to just go no contact with one and have decided have to back self enough that people will see through it enough and that I am a good person and they know this would be out of my character. Any way the ones who want to ask me about it I will ask them if the believed it , if they aren’t sure I will tell them my side of the story. If they are already on her side and have made up their minds already I wont discuss it, which will go back to her anyway but remain polite and respectful to these people and if at some point they see the same thing as me and come to me I will not hold it against them and the door is open. Ok perhaps not that easy all up but you get through it and good luck. Also agree one symptom of narcissists

  6. Avatar
    Bob Davidson

    Good article and thank you for writing.

  7. Avatar
    Ann Igma

    Fantastic! Finally someone who can think and write in an effective way.

Leave a Reply