With little effort on their part, toxic adult children are able to make others miserable with their dysfunctional traits.
What’s worse than unruly children? I think that would be adults who act like children, those who have toxic traits and ruin the lives of others. And yes, they do this. And where does this behavior come from?
Well, apparently, these adults have either gotten too little or not enough attention as a child. They seem to be forever stuck between the ages of 5 and 7 emotionally. Although they may be smart, they are also cunning and manipulative, just to name a few traits. And I am not blaming the parents, by no means. Sometimes dysfunctions come from other areas.
There are ways to recognize these individuals. Their traits are so heinous, they literally run others away from them. In fact, some of these adult children are so easily recognizable, you can avoid them.
However, there are a few that can hide their toxic traits for years, long after they’ve started a serious relationship. This is the most unfortunate part of all.
Adults with child-like emotions often develop serious health issues either in early adulthood or later in life. As much as their toxic behavior affects us, it also takes a toll on them as well. You see, it’s hard to function as an adult with adult responsibilities but yet react with childlike emotions. It just doesn’t fit. The habits of child-like children, mostly diet, are horrendous.
This mismatch causes physical ailments from toxic stress, poor eating, and low activity levels. This amount of stress on the body causes an increase in cortisol which hinders healthy body proportion and weight loss. This sort of stress also affects the heart and nervous system.
If child-like emotions are erupting within an adult situation, the stress can be enormous for both the adult child and their victim, which is, much of the time, the parents.
Of course, toxic adults cannot retain a normal relationship with another person. At least, it’s not a common success story. Adult stress from a child’s perspective will see most aspects of the relationship in a skewed manner. When it comes to intimacy or communication, these toxic individuals will have little idea of how to make their mate happy.
Remember, they are thinking with childish emotion. This is especially true with communication, where these individuals usually refuse to talk out problems, rather throwing tantrums or ignoring their mate altogether. They will apologize sometimes, but it’s rare.
Not all adult children partake in substance abuse, but many do. One reason they turn to drugs and alcohol is that they watched their parents or some other relative do the same thing. But again, this can also come from other sources, such as childhood friends or just the need to be rebellious throughout life.
If they’ve experienced any type of abuse that caused this habit, they can become trapped at that moment, reliving the pain and heartache of various traumatic past situations.
Sometimes the parents may have neglected or abused the child unknowingly. I know, my parents left me home alone quite a bit with an aged grandmother. Needless to say, bad things did happen. Adult substance abuse can be attributed to many experiences of children.
Toxic adult children will never find themselves at fault, at least for the most part. If you’re trying to deal with someone who never takes the blame or tries to make you feel crazy, you may be dealing with an adult child. You see, children often run from responsibilities and they often place blame on other children.
Most of us grow out of this stage and learn how to appreciate healthier qualities, but some grow up to plague their parents and loved ones with these horrible actions. The adult child, as they are stuck at that moment where something affected them greatly or stuck in selfishness, will rarely learn to be a productive member of society, in terms of getting along with others.
Adults and children are impressionable on one another. Toxic behavior can spread from parent to child easily and vice versa. If the child has grown to only become an adult child, then sometimes their offspring will grow into the same pattern of behavior with their children, putting extra strain on the grandparents.
On the other hand, these grandchildren may also dodge these attributes and become the parent of the family. You see, someone has to take care of responsibilities and if the parent, or adult child, doesn’t do this, the real child will have to forego childhood to take control. It’s a sad situation. Many times the grandchildren see their grandparents as their real parents because of the stability they often provide.
Parents, if you want to understand how to handle your adult children, then you must take a few considerations.
Although it’s usually a grim diagnosis, some adult children eventually grow up a bit. They may not become the outstanding citizens they should have been, but they can become better equipped to raise their own children and hold down relationships. The toxic behavior of childlike adults is something difficult to conquer, but it can happen.
If this is something you’re going through, don’t give up. I have seen people change, but I have also seen them take quite a long time to do so. The keys here, I believe, is educating yourself about the subject and patience. I wish you the best.
References:
View Comments
I am a toxic adult child. I am what I am. I am an addict, an alcoholic, and an all around mean depressed person. SO I keep to myself. I do not have contact with my mother or my brother. I could care less about them. However, I do pay for all my drugs, I work two jobs, have for over 20 years. So I guess Im a functional addict. I wish I could figure out how to be a normal person, but Ill never be normal so why whine about it. Those of you parents who have toxic children, news flash. Its more than likely YOUR fault. Your poor parenting and what not. Not all the time but I find that to be true more often that not. Anyway, just wanted to share my two cents. Not sure why. Im sure you all find me an idiot.
Yes, Bret . . . Toxic and abusive parenting results in adult children with multitudes of problems. I live with complex prod because of my family of origin . . . Thanks for that and the insidious toxic shame you gifted me with parents . . . One of whom bailed by suicide when I was 13 months old . . . The remaining parent made me the scapegoat and traumatized me to no end with a remarriage and her new family. I wish I could sue my parents, and I just turned 60. Hold your heads high adult children of toxic parents!
what if my boyfriends adult child is telling our friends she wants to kill me and it will be done even when he passes away .he is bad health and has prstate cancer.she says i killed her grandmother...i havent done anything wrong ti her or anyone else in her family.
I NEED SOME HELP I GOT THIS 49 YEARS OLD SON THAT WORRY THE PURE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME IS ALWAYS MONEYS I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE HE HAS EVERY XCUSE IN BOOK IM ABOUT KILL MYSELF I JUST WANT LEAVE IN PEACE NOT AS LONG HE AROUND
Finally a good write up and understanding of what is going on with adult children who are estranged. I have read horror stories on how the parent is bad, interfering, etc. none of which I do nor did and the recommended solution is to remove adult children and their families from the parent - really??? How does this solve anything? I am a professional businesswoman, have two adult daughters and seek only open communications and I don't try to run their lives. My adult toxic children have zero respect and do not believe parents are relevant in their lives, but should be on the sidelines - you know, sit down and don't speak. Both of my toxic adult children are heavy tv watchers. The one adult has been a toxic child since the age of 15 and well into adulthood - no addictions only heavy on tv watchers+video game player which both are major mind control mechanisms. She maintains her control by keeping my grandchildren from me and now at the age of 48, has successfully dragged my other daughter into her camp of adult child toxicity who has joined in the control factor of preventing access to my other grandchildren. They have won! Bravo for them! I have stepped away from these toxic children and have little contact as the pain is unbearable. Do they care? The answer is NO - I expect this will continue on most of their adult lives and their children will experience this lack of family unity so important in an individual's life. I wish this type of parent punishment on NO ONE. Being human seems to not count in their sensitive world. I see no near term resolution as it has been years of anguish going all the way back to the 15 yr old. For other parents of toxic adult children, I understand the pain, anguish and loneliness, my focus has shifted to helping others and for my children, the years that have gone by will be lost memories that can never be made up and sadly the damage will be passed on through generations. I remain patient, but many years have passed and there are no signs of improvement any time soon. I no longer trust having my adult toxic children around me making decisions on my behalf in my end days. Thank you for sharing this important information, it is important that we know the truth and not just some psycho babble taught that tells us we have been bad people that should be removed and eradicated from our families lives.