With little effort on their part, toxic adult children are able to make others miserable with their dysfunctional traits.
What’s worse than unruly children? I think that would be adults who act like children, those who have toxic traits and ruin the lives of others. And yes, they do this. And where does this behavior come from?
Well, apparently, these adults have either gotten too little or not enough attention as a child. They seem to be forever stuck between the ages of 5 and 7 emotionally. Although they may be smart, they are also cunning and manipulative, just to name a few traits. And I am not blaming the parents, by no means. Sometimes dysfunctions come from other areas.
There are ways to recognize these individuals. Their traits are so heinous, they literally run others away from them. In fact, some of these adult children are so easily recognizable, you can avoid them.
However, there are a few that can hide their toxic traits for years, long after they’ve started a serious relationship. This is the most unfortunate part of all.
Adults with child-like emotions often develop serious health issues either in early adulthood or later in life. As much as their toxic behavior affects us, it also takes a toll on them as well. You see, it’s hard to function as an adult with adult responsibilities but yet react with childlike emotions. It just doesn’t fit. The habits of child-like children, mostly diet, are horrendous.
This mismatch causes physical ailments from toxic stress, poor eating, and low activity levels. This amount of stress on the body causes an increase in cortisol which hinders healthy body proportion and weight loss. This sort of stress also affects the heart and nervous system.
If child-like emotions are erupting within an adult situation, the stress can be enormous for both the adult child and their victim, which is, much of the time, the parents.
Of course, toxic adults cannot retain a normal relationship with another person. At least, it’s not a common success story. Adult stress from a child’s perspective will see most aspects of the relationship in a skewed manner. When it comes to intimacy or communication, these toxic individuals will have little idea of how to make their mate happy.
Remember, they are thinking with childish emotion. This is especially true with communication, where these individuals usually refuse to talk out problems, rather throwing tantrums or ignoring their mate altogether. They will apologize sometimes, but it’s rare.
Not all adult children partake in substance abuse, but many do. One reason they turn to drugs and alcohol is that they watched their parents or some other relative do the same thing. But again, this can also come from other sources, such as childhood friends or just the need to be rebellious throughout life.
If they’ve experienced any type of abuse that caused this habit, they can become trapped at that moment, reliving the pain and heartache of various traumatic past situations.
Sometimes the parents may have neglected or abused the child unknowingly. I know, my parents left me home alone quite a bit with an aged grandmother. Needless to say, bad things did happen. Adult substance abuse can be attributed to many experiences of children.
Toxic adult children will never find themselves at fault, at least for the most part. If you’re trying to deal with someone who never takes the blame or tries to make you feel crazy, you may be dealing with an adult child. You see, children often run from responsibilities and they often place blame on other children.
Most of us grow out of this stage and learn how to appreciate healthier qualities, but some grow up to plague their parents and loved ones with these horrible actions. The adult child, as they are stuck at that moment where something affected them greatly or stuck in selfishness, will rarely learn to be a productive member of society, in terms of getting along with others.
Adults and children are impressionable on one another. Toxic behavior can spread from parent to child easily and vice versa. If the child has grown to only become an adult child, then sometimes their offspring will grow into the same pattern of behavior with their children, putting extra strain on the grandparents.
On the other hand, these grandchildren may also dodge these attributes and become the parent of the family. You see, someone has to take care of responsibilities and if the parent, or adult child, doesn’t do this, the real child will have to forego childhood to take control. It’s a sad situation. Many times the grandchildren see their grandparents as their real parents because of the stability they often provide.
Parents, if you want to understand how to handle your adult children, then you must take a few considerations.
Although it’s usually a grim diagnosis, some adult children eventually grow up a bit. They may not become the outstanding citizens they should have been, but they can become better equipped to raise their own children and hold down relationships. The toxic behavior of childlike adults is something difficult to conquer, but it can happen.
If this is something you’re going through, don’t give up. I have seen people change, but I have also seen them take quite a long time to do so. The keys here, I believe, is educating yourself about the subject and patience. I wish you the best.
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Life isn’t about giving advice. It’s about listening and learning about the other persons pain. You can’t put yourself in their shoes. You can be kind though and say your feelings are valid and I am here to listen. It’s going to be ok. X
I have a 30 year daughter who depends on my for constant financial support
I provide her a condo to live in and pay most of her bills since she was 16 ( she has never lived with me and the relationship with her mother was only a few months although I have always been apart of her life since birth)
when I confront her about working or taking over her own bills
I get emails threating suicide and told Im a horrible person
(in much more disguising violent langage that I would not post)
and that she has various illness , seems a new one every couple of months
this behavior started in late teens (I remember she told every body she had terminal cancer)
some illness seems to real as I have seen prescriptions
it has gotten progressively worse and starting to fear her safety and mine
I want to get her out of my condo and have her take over her own bills
but dont want her homeless
For 14 years this has been going on. The hard part is this time that's transpired. She knows you will do whatever she wants, basically. Now, I wouldn't ever want to risk her suicide, but something has to be done. I do believe she has some personality disorders or mental illnesses, but not sure what they are. One of them could be bipolar disorder. In order to understand what to do, you have to get a diagnosis of her illnesses. She has to be willing to let you in her life so much that you can go with her to the doctor and see for yourself what she's dealing with. If she's not willing to let you go, then something is off.
I am not sure how you can convince her to let you into her life this much, but it would help to know the truth. Bipolar disorder is considered a disability, in case you didn't know, and if she cannot work, she can apply for disability for her condition. She also needs to be willing to see a counselor with you, so you have a mediator to sort through things. Usually, this mediator or good therapist can recognize how to handle any suicidal threats. In your case, professional help is needed. YOu can start with you. Yes, I said to you. You need to talk to someone on a regular basis to help you with the growing frustration and anxiety. It's building up to explosive proportions if you've dealt with this for 14 years. Talk to them, tell them everything, and hopefully, you can get her to join you. I agree, she does need to take care of herself, but it's going to take steps to get to that point where you feel comfortable. By all means, we want to keep her alive because I know you must love her dearly to endure this.
I hope some of this helped. OH, and having a support group of other family members or friends is a good way to vent for yourself and pool together ideas. Just avoid anyone who is harsh. This is a delicate situation.
my daughter never got my full love and attention growing up since I was depressed and always arguing with her alcohol father—never meant to neglect her emotionally—she is married and I often babysit my grandkids —I try to give her as much love and occasional financial support but she is often nasty and abusive towards m—have apologized if she felt neglected during childhood—she becomes angry and unreasonable sometimes—never shows me affection—sometimes she’s fine and fun to be wit—but unfortunately she can be mocking towards me—Please offer me any strategies—I pray she finds peace
She probably is full of rage if your apology included the 'IF' word. I'm sorry if you felt neglected.... basically excuses your behaviour, and doubts her feelings. Check out non- apologies.
Yes, this is so true. I have a mother and two daughters who are very toxic and I find that it hurts me to my heart but, I know I have to cut ties with them. What hurts so much is when you spend so much time defending yourself and hurting when every time I get involved with them. My daughters act just like my mother and my mother is now 86 years old she will never change. My daughters are in their forties and they are just as hard to deal with. I give up.
Wow this is enlightening. Its good reading for any one with issues or anyone doing a refresher on
co dependency
People first look a the guy with all of the horror stories. Why does he have the right to judge, name call belittle and abuse? Answer He DOES NOT HAVE THAT RIGHT. Please be firm and not allow him to use this platform to get his fix. Also lets let the passive aggressive and co dependent habits go. HE is nasty, punishing and wrong to bring his crap here. HE obviously has not healed and never moved forward.
WE need to get away from sick abusive people who do not want to do the work to heal. RUN