Psychology & Mental Health

Why the Most Broken People Are Usually the Kindest

Published by
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

It’s not the sheltered individual that becomes the nicest person in adulthood. It’s the broken people who have the kindest hearts.

Trauma, heartache, and pain can hold us back if we let them, but they can make us stronger too. These experiences that create damaged people can also create kind and appreciative people as well. It’s because we don’t all fold under immense pressure and abuse.

Sometimes, we grow and we actually heal. Yes, it is hard to heal, especially when pain or trauma repeats itself, but we can still evolve into butterflies afterward. We can also share the love and kindest like no other.

Hope for the hopeless

So many children in this world are abused, and so many unexpected deaths and heartaches happen every day. At first, it seems like our lives are ruined. We may suffer for years, decades even, but our story doesn’t have to be hopeless.

In fact, there are many of us who have learned to love hard because of the damage we’ve been dealt. As broken people, we develop amazing quantities of empathy and charity. How is this possible?

Why the kindest people were once broken people:

1. They know darkness well

Broken-hearted people, whether victims of abuse or survivors of trauma have known true darkness. Most of the victims of any harrowing experience have been to the depths of this darkness, lived there for quite some time, and then came back with something remarkable.

People who are damaged but who have healed bring the brightest light back with them after their previous hell. The deeper the darkness, the brighter the light that they bring as well. They learned to understand how the darkness works, and they also understand how to illuminate this well of hopelessness. These broken individuals become kind and loving due to the light they learned to generate while in the dark.

2. They know where growth comes from

People who’ve suffered from long periods of pain learn to adapt. Maybe at first, they are pessimistic, but after learning things from their pain, they see something else behind the hurt. They see the potential for growth.

Now, I’m not saying that people should hurt to understand how to grow and mature, but those who have felt this pain seem to learn faster. They also tend to spread this knowledge to others in a sort of way that is patient and comforting. The broken ones help others who are broken by showing that love fuels incredible growth.

3. They love the greatest

Have you ever met someone who seemed to love so hard that it was almost too much? Well, sometimes broken people mature into individuals who love hard and they love true with a sure sense of loyalty and devotion. Why do the broken love so hard?

Well, usually this comes from the lack of love they received as children or the many times of heartache from dysfunctional relationships. They may even love so hard due to being neglected at some point or the other.

Those who have suffered from a lack of love may be suffocating you, but it’s just that they want to make sure they love with their whole heart.

The people who are willing to do anything & everything for others are usually the ones who get hurt the most.

4. They want to stop the hurt

When you meet a broken and damaged person, they will either be angry because they have yet to heal, or they will be the kindest person you will ever meet. Another reason why they are so kind is that they don’t want anyone else to suffer in the way they did.

The pattern of abuse or the pattern of neglect is like a generational curse, and the broken-hearted want to stop the pattern and create a new way of living. It’s like a son of an alcoholic has two choices – he can fall into the same pattern of drinking, or he can stop the hurt that comes with this addiction. The one who wants to stop the patterns of hurt is usually a kind, loving and patient survivor.

5. They are resilient, and they are empathetic

Survivors of horrific events are usually quite resilient. They’ve been through some of the worst experiences and came out the other side as a stronger person. Broken people such as this become resilient and can face things that scare others.

She was brave and strong and broken all at once.
-Anna Funder

With this resiliency, they tend to have a great deal of empathy which causes them to be kind to others. If someone else is going through something, they serve as both the backbone and the balm to those who need it most. The kindness of some people helps victims of abuse or domestic violence in ways that treatments and therapies cannot touch. It’s because they can relate to dealing with huge amounts of pain.

Never judge the broken

Many broken people are judged because they are different, or because they occasionally exhibit a few setbacks due to their traumatic history. Do not be fooled, however, these are some of the strongest people you will ever know.

Remember this, broken people know what it feels like to be hurt, and so they work hard to be as kind as possible to everyone. When someone is mean to them, they often see the hurt behind the insults and anger instead of how much they don’t like the hateful person. Many of us cannot do that and tend to just dislike those who are unkind to us. Yes, the broken prefer to be nice and understanding…

It’s almost as if trauma has endowed them with the superpower of kindness. These are the reasons why the broken are so special.

View Comments

  • Beautiful article. Right on target. I've been "broken" more than once in my lifetime and have become the kind of person described in this article. I may have brought back a shiny light which has helped others but there are scars and an underlying level of suffering that will be with me to the end. This ongoing pain acts like an endless supply of fresh batteries to keep this light shining brightly. Good for those around me, I suppose. I'm just thankful to have survived what I have been through.

    • RJ

      I drove by old places today and the memories assaulted me. I started to sob while driving. There are so many broken people, and then there are broken places too. These places change, but they never change in our minds. There is darkness there surrounding these places because they haunt us. Our light, that deep light, is the one thing that keeps us going. I've almost lost that light on many occasions. I think that some of the hardest parts are nightmares and memories. Nightmares make us believe that we have the things we've lost...they are dreams until we wake, then transform into nightmares of reality reminding us that some things are gone forever. The memories keep that machine going too. Use your light as much as possible to counteract that pain because that pain is strong and ripe. Do you know what I do? When it gets the darkest, I try to leave my house and find someone that needs help, or I just go sit somewhere and tell myself that someone needs me. Then I just walk away. I don't want the credit. I just want a purpose.

      Thank you for reading.

  • I loved this article. I feel like I'm at the point where I still feel angry and need to heal more. I just keep having things happen to me that is making it difficult to heal. I do have a strong sense of empathy on a normal basis. I have yet to find a good therapist to help me along with the healing process and may have to just figure it out on my own. Keep up the good work!

    • I am angry too. I am angry for many reasons, and one is because of the lack of funding for mental illness, namely therapists. The best quote I got was $50 a session unless grants were available. Grants do not last either, then you're back to $50 a session. This session consists of one measly hour of, "So, what would you like to talk about?" Hmm, let's see. "I would like to talk about how I'm not healed yet at the age of 45". That is what I would like to talk about. I get it...all too well. We are expected to play along, to heal, to stop this and stop that while our bodies pay the physical price for our mental instability. I know mine does.

      I wouldn't call myself all that kind. I rather not because I am so afraid of lying. You know, most kind people are seen as extroverts out there actively helping everyone no matter what while I'm picking and choosing who to help and when out of being protective of myself, my family and my sanity. I wouldn't be called kind by most people around here. I would probably be called strange. lololol. But I can say I am broken and damaged, and I hate it.

      The truth is, we are kind. It's just that few people recognize the kindness that broken people's different than extroverted kindness (normalcy). I hope you find someone who can help you. I am still looking too. All I have right now is a psychiatrist who writes on a notepad for me. Sometimes, it feels like they're medicating us to keep us out of the way, while we could contribute so much to this society if we were properly treated. It grieves me. I send you healing vibes.

  • Sherrie, I've enjoyed reading your responses as much as the article itself. Thank you for sharing your personal pain and how you live with it. Or try to live with it. You hit a nerve when you expressed your anger about mental health options these days. For years I struggled to find ways to pay for therapy. Then came a crisis and over a decade of being medicated into oblivion by an indifferent psychiatrist who used his prescription pad to push me to the brink of death. But I'm alive again and I am a better, stronger person because of what I've been through. Yes, I'm thankful but also very angry and bitter about lost years, missed opportunities, just not living and enjoying life. I try to be philosophical and to use what I've learned to help people, to make their lives better. I'm an empath and feel the pain of people in my world and always make an effort to ease their pain. That makes me feel good about myself. But I'm not a happy person, never was, never will be. Too many dark memories, too much residual pain. Thanks again.

    • Yep, those little cracks which let wisdom seep into our inner being. They are the little drops that help us retain our self-worth and endurance. Then they shine onto others.

Published by
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.