The veil is being removed and now I can clearly see the reasons for why people behave the way they do. In ways, this makes life easier but in other ways, it makes life much more difficult. Those who suffer from childhood emotional neglect, as adults, are experiencing long-term effects.
The roots of these actions are long and thick, causing a stronghold in daily life. Sometimes, I feel these symptoms as well.
I was left with my grandmother, every weekday, while my parents worked. During those days, I was sexually abused by my adult cousin who paid a visit. Maybe my parents, in a sense, neglected me, but yet they had to work. Or was it my grandmother who was acting in a neglectful manner? Did they understand what they were doing? Probably not.
It was such a different way of life in the 70s. When my parents were at home, they never talked about my future and never really gave me credit for my creativity. It was normal to just keep me fed and safe. It wasn’t necessary to keep me enthusiastic.
I found the support that I needed in my older brother, who provided a small portion of the reinforcement that would give me a reason to live. We are still close to this day.
If you try to figure it out on your own, it could be too difficult. There are signs, however, which point to the root of your feelings. If you suffered from childhood emotional neglect, you may have a better understanding after reading these indicators. Here are 7 signs that you probably were emotionally neglected.
When I refer to being numb, I don’t mean losing physical sensations in certain parts of your body. I refer to losing emotional sensation in your thoughts. Numbness is a place where concerns become trivial, and emotions just disappear. Now, you might not feel numb all the time, but when you do, nothing matters.
You can almost feel like you are close to nothing, void and non-existent. After a while, you may actually start to experience a physical numbness.
Those who have experienced childhood emotional neglect will sometimes be confused about what they’re feeling. They may be angry, irritated or depressed with no understanding of why they feel this way.
Sometimes, they have trouble calming down as well, feeling anger and frustration continually building inside. It’s usually because of the past complex emotions after being left alone or forgotten.
I have noticed with some people in my life, that no matter how difficult things become for them, they refuse to ask for help. In fact, I have felt this strange refusal as well. Using what I understand about the situation gives me insight.
When neglected as a child, you sometimes had no help when you needed it the most. As an adult, you become used to this. Being dependent on someone else is abnormal for the emotionally neglected adult.
When an adult has been emotionally neglected as a child, they will always have this hole inside. There will be a lingering feeling that something is missing from their lives, either a person or a situation that they may crave.
Unfortunately, many people keep filling this space with things they hope will bring them joy but still feel so empty inside. You lose a sense of home and you lose a sense of love if not careful.
A low self-esteem also comes from being emotionally neglected as a child. You feel that if your parents and loved ones neglected you, then you aren’t worth their time or important to them. This is usually not true, but it’s complicated.
Oftentimes, parents just aren’t aware of the effects of their actions. As an adult, you transfer these feelings over to present situations and people. You experience a low self-esteem that sometimes becomes permanent and affects your home and work life.
If you recognize this trait, you may have subject to childhood emotional neglect after all.
If you are a perfectionist, you could have been neglected emotionally. Think about it this way, if your loved ones neglected you as a child, you could have tried almost anything to get their attention, even striving for perfection to be noticed.
As an adult, this perfectionism grew and maybe, by now, you’ve become obsessed with this behavior.
Are you a neat freak, need everything to be organized perfectly, and even require perfectionist friends? You could still be trying to validate your existence. Be careful.
Being overly sensitive about much of anything is a sign of past rejection. You are afraid, and your fear is manifesting through being offended about what others say to you. Sometimes people are only offering constructive criticism, but those who have experienced childhood emotional neglect see it as being attacked.
I never really considered the fact that I could have been emotionally abused in childhood until I understood the repercussions of this abuse. I had so many issues trying to figure out where each one of my faults and eccentricities derived. I
saw my depression in a clear way, I saw my anxious traits in another, but there were things like listed above that I just couldn’t categorize….until now.
I appreciate the ability to learn the roots of my characteristics, how about you? When we learn where our faults come from, we will be able to heal each hurt and replace it with a peace of mind. I think it’s just one step closer to an enlightened self.
We’re getting closer. Just be patient.
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i feel that you are similar to me . that's why i read almost every post/article of yours .mutual in personality or character .psychology thing . not like . like-minded
do you feel you still don't understand yourself? what really you are or who you are . something deep in you . you still don't know about?
i'm curious about you because i think we have much in common
i always wanted to study psychology to understand human and brain. but that's not enough to teach myself by books nor by internet. get bored easily
i doubt some of the above exist in me but i'm sure not all of them
HAVE YOU STUDIED PSYCHOLOGY?
Jake,
My knowledge of psychology comes from only a few places, none of which were under a degree. I studied a bit of psychology in college along with sociology, but most of my experience comes from various psychiatrists, therapists, child psychologist and counselors that I endured throughout my lifetime. From an early age, I saw child therapists at the orders of the school and my parents. This was due to multiple mental disorder symptoms: depression, anxiety, psychosis and other similar actions. By the way, I absolutely loved my time with them, they were the most interesting and unusual people I had ever met, and they actually understood the things that I understood.
I am ashamed to admit that I learned many negative survival tactics as a child, in which I used to get my way (manipulation) and I would spend hours dwelling on all things weird/strange/odd (existential thoughts). So, unfortunately, I started to build a life out of dance with people (balance of control), which created more trauma and pain in my life. I guess you can say, I learned things about the mind by studying people, in both positive and negative ways. It was later on that I understood how my ways hurt people as well, and then I started to feel a little empathy, which I still struggle with today.
This is the extent of my knowledge of psychology. It's kind of like closing the book and breaking down the engine hands on. Clear as mud? I think there are more people like me than you know, and more people just like you, Jake. I am neither good nor bad, but I always said that I liked to lean a little more toward the light so not to drown in the darkness. After all, it's the substance of the heart that matters and not the masks we wear for survival.
I know them all
Kathi,
Thank you for reading!
all of the above then again people pass on what they know or have been taught. looking outside of the box at an early age helped me realize just how warped the "love" my parents defined had nothing to do with me. I wanted no part of their confusion or conditional love. that determination and over 45 yrs of off & on therapy, spiritually and a growing compassion of kindness, virtue and understanding kept my sanity and my faith in humanity. What did JC say as people were nailing him to the cross? "Forgive them for they know NOT what they do". You take all the best your parents had to offer and leave the toxic behind on YOUR OWN designed journey in life. :) peace
divine spirit,
Yes, my parents instilled some good and some bad things into me. I now have reached an age that I am able to discern what was right from what was wrong. I have made many mistakes with my own children grant you, but I am learning to apologize to them yet be stern when I have to be. My results seem to be children who really do respect me. They also have their own flaws and I continue to have mine, but I still continue to cut off any generational curses that could have trickled down from the unhealthy rearing from my mother and father. I think this is the key too. Yes, always forgive them that have done wrong by you. Because you also desire forgiveness.
Sherrie
A lot of people feel this way at any given time...
If it happened, it happened. Re-living it over and over can't change it... Deal with it and move on. Don't use it as an excuse for who you've become today. Start living YOUR life.
Staci,
Hey! I love the way you look at this, and also want to add, that it takes longer times for different people. It took me until the age of 40 to understand one simple fact in life. People are different. Once I realized this, it opened up a whole other level for me.
I wrote a memoir about my life, which I might add, needs a complete overhaul in the grammar department. Well, since we couldn't afford a professional editor at the time, I did it myself. This meant reliving my life over and over again while correcting typos and variously written mistakes. Talk about beating a dead horse, whew! Well, the more I read it, the more I cried and had nightmares. On the other hand, the more I read through my past, the more I learned as well. I remembered details and I remembered how much I enjoyed being me even through the abuse.
So, I have to say, in ways, I agree with you, but in other ways, I do not. Since we are different people, I leave it at that. :)
Instead of constantly pin-pointing what's wrong with yourself, maybe it's better to find what's right with yourself, and how to make more 'right'. Children of neglect already have their lives focused on negativity, it's not always helpful for those to add on to the list. It is what it is. We can't change what's already imprinted in our minds. We need solutions, how to live with these issues. Learning to make tomorrow a better day..
Amy,
Do you want to know why we pinpoint what's wrong with us? It is because, we have symptoms, and so many others in society love to say that we are "crazy" "retarded" "emotionally draining" and other insulting words. It hurts us deeply and so we want to analyze these so-called negative traits in order to understand why we do things. When we understand why we do things, we can learn all sorts of ways to heal from them. As I was learning about why I was angry and nervous so much, I also learned that not everyone was out to hurt me in the process.
There is a balance here, and we can learn to be better people even while analyzing our negative behavior. You will never change until you see, with fully opened eyes, what holds you back.