Partner manipulation has become pretty common. Many people have managed to get away from this sort of abusive relationship. However, manipulation is prevalent in all sorts of relationships, apart from the intimate sort. In fact, many people are reporting that family manipulation is also a problem. Mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers are all prone to become manipulative and abusive toward one another, and it can become a serious problem.
Family manipulation is mental, physical, sexual, or emotional abuse carried out by family members toward one another. This sort of abuse is generally used to control another for various purposes.
Having grown up with your family may make it difficult to decipher any abusive treatment. Considering the components of manipulation include “brainwashing”, it’s hard to tell if you’ve actually been mistreated at all. Sometimes, it’s not until you’ve gotten away or moved out of the home that you realize the extent of the unhealthy situation.
Here are some warning signs that family manipulation is or has been a part of your life.
You will recognize family manipulation when lies are involved. Family members, especially the narcissistic kind, will tell lies easily. When direct questions are met with vague answers, this is one indication that manipulative lies are being told.
Liars will always be able to give half-truths to convince you that they are honest and reliable people. When in truth, they are only striving for what they want. A liar will always lie and tell more lies to cover the old ones.
Even family members will resort to the silent treatment. In fact, the closer you are to someone, the more chance that their narcissistic actions will display this sort of behavior.
Silence is one of the manipulator’s choice weapons because it get’s the work done with little effort. For those who are unaware of the tactics, the silent treatment can garner pity and groveling, which is exactly what the manipulator wants. They have won.
Truly selfless people are honorable. The manipulator can fool you into thinking they are selfless as well, but they’re really not. They actually have a deeper motivation which includes rewarding themselves and making everyone else think highly of their “outward motivations” – which are false.
While people are busy being proud of the manipulator, they are also falling right into the trap and helping the manipulator win.
Dysfunctional families are notorious for gaslighting. Sometimes you might even find an entire family that constantly tries to convince each other that they are all crazy. The sheer volume of madness present in some families is almost unbelievable.
Gaslighting, in case you didn’t know, is the ability to convince another person that they are crazy while taking advantage of them. I bet you’ve seen sisters or brothers doing this to each other. Honestly, this is so common, it almost seems like a normal aspect of the family unit.
Family manipulation sometimes comes in the form of intimidation. While it might not be straightforward threats, it can still be frightening enough to make you do what the manipulators want. This is what’s called “covert” intimidation which is veiled in a form of kindness, and it is hard to decipher at times.
Pay close attention to the choice words of the manipulator, and these words will reveal true intentions.
A manipulator will use guilt trips on a regular basis. If you tell them no, they will find a way to make you feel bad about putting your foot down. Sometimes if you ask the manipulator to turn the volume down on their music, they will turn it off completely.
This tactic is used to make you feel bad about asking them to tone something down and will return by taking something away entirely. It is also done to show you they have control, and yet you should still feel guilty. It’s weird, isn’t it?
If family members are shaming your weaknesses, then they are being manipulative. For instance, if you have an insecurity about your weight, a manipulator will make shaming comments about that topic. Their intentions are to keep you beneath them in order to retain control. If they can retain control, they will feel better about themselves in turn.
After all, manipulators, truth be told, have a low self-esteem naturally, and all their tactics are used to fix that.
Let’s take this one step at a time. If you’ve always wondered whether your family was manipulators, you can use the warning signs to discover the truth.
After you know for sure, you can research ways to improve your life or get support from others. Maybe you can help your loved ones in the process. It may be a long road to healing, but its worth it.
Are you in a manipulative family? I want to hear from you.
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hello all, i am living a life like hell. i am always defamed, emotionally tortured, left alone and insulted by my whole family and relatives. everyone laugh at me when ever i tell my story. it makes is much worst. never wanted to get married, but tactics used by my parents were enough to change my mind. lies, frauds, manipulation, acting and called names daily. have never had a goal. my wife got to know it all, whenever we have had an issue, her whole family stands with her, my whole family stands against me. then they start blaming me for everything. suffering from migraine, had a few accidents after marriage.
never taken care, always felt ashamed and told that i can not do anything. they are so manipulative that anything i say to anyone becomes a lie. i tried to live away always. but my parents and my wife never wanted it to happen. since childhood. i have always thought of dying on my own. few days back i am insulted like hell by everyone, everywhere. i am having emotional attacks.its just like a nightmare coming true. i don't know how many days left in my life. everyone around me have a strong believe that parents can't be wrong. my parents are not wrong for the world (they don't do a thing that publically can be called wrong, they just hurt me personally and cover it with a lie to the word). they just want me to die.
i am dying of insult, pain and injustice. I loved my whole family. i wish it is a bad dream but its not. how and why should i live, can i... is there any answer to this
Hi C,
I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you know that you aren't the only person who is suffering from this. As a child, I was also manipulated by my family in such awful ways. They have continuously questioned my ability to do things on my own, and don't support my future goals whatsoever. It can be really hard to think differently, especially if you see them often. I've been getting therapy for about a year now, and it has helped greatly. You asked how and why you should live, but the best solution would be to find your answer to this. Don't live for other people. Live because you want to live life to the fullest. Don't let your family hold you back in any way, and do what you want. Nothing good can come out of harming yourself. Prove them all wrong. Show them that they have no power over you, and that you are perfectly capable of chasing after your dreams and being happy. We all have our own reasons for living. I personally want to live so that I am able to learn from my experiences, and explore different things. My number one goal in life is simple. To be happy. If the people in your life don't show you love or support, why should they be a roadblock to your happiness? I would highly recommend journaling and writing (or typing) away your emotions and thoughts. It certainly helps me get things off my mind. Meditating can also help you relax, and hopefully lessen the amount of emotional attacks you have. I used to have mental breakdowns every day, but meditating has worked wonders for me, personally. If you're really adventurous, maybe even try saving up money to travel to another country or state. Things like this can help clear your mind off of things, and focus on yourself instead of what others may think of you. I hope to become a therapist someday, and so I wish you all the best. And always remember to try thinking of the positive and taking things one step at a time.
I don’t even know where to start. So quick recap, I moved to my parents property due to my divorce and my mums health issues at the time. There are three families in seperate houses. Me in one, my brother, wife 4 kids in another and my mum in another. I realised a few years ago my Mum has been manipulating me all these years. Trying to get space between us and stand on my own two feet has caused her to have angry emotional outbursts to try and intimidate me and tearfully blaming me for her sudden depression. When I finally stood on my own two feet and began to make my own decisions and build friendships with other single mums like me, she involved my younger brother. He is showing bullying tendencies entering my house without asking (my mum says he should be able to) demeaning my parenting, my decision making and making it seem like I don’t care for my mum properly causing her to be sad. The two of them together has been very hard to deal with and I feel like I need to walk away from both of them. Is this wrong? I’m at the place I will be happy to leave the home I built and start from scratch. It’s like they tag team me one gets agressive, the other then acts sweet and kind and when I show my hurt it is shared with the other one and then used against me. My grown sons want nothing to do with either of them and they keep telling me to get away from them. I always thought families have issues and you work through it but this is getting overwhelming. I believe I am a strong woman but this has effected my sleep, eating and overall health. I’m in a constant state of dread about what may be thrown at me next. My happiest times are when I am away from home and spending it with my boys and my friends.
Hello, I am in a manipulative family situation. My older sister lives with an alcoholic former military husband in another home. She is always judgemental and emotionally repressive. She blames me for her mistakes and when my mom comes in, she agrees with her and says the one thing that scares me the most, "It is the same thing with you," and later blames me for it. I always feel that sister is wrong on what she says but is pretty smart on volunteering. However, it doesn't prove to me that she can be a "good sister/mother." She hides her eccentric attitudes with altruistic ones only to prove others that they are not looking. She currently raises three boys, but I always feel the first two are not happy with her mother due to how hard she treats them, treating them like if they in military boot camp. When she scolds me, mom and sometimes my younger sister, blame me for it when I know first thing that I did not do anything wrong. I absolutely hate fighting with my household family but they give me no other choice. They call me rude for no reason and threaten to disown me or call the cops on me and shove me into a jail cell for no reason. I graduated from high school with a hierarch and bureaucratic principal, but I'm still manipulated by the older sibling when I'm in college. One time she told me that "you may not be able to change your major in college" because she went to college herself and talk about having to someday apply for loans which I would not like to do. I don't say anything or say that I disagree with their "tips" due to the fear of getting of being told "Well, we cannot tell you anything anymore because you will get mad." When I talk to someone I trust, let's say a friend or another relative like an uncle or aunt, they get into my face and say that I am a manipulator myself and a show-off and threaten to take my stuff. I always wonder "Why does this have to happen not only to me but also to those that are going through that? I was a high school male cheerleader, yell-leader as some call it, for only my senior. The reason is because it seems my mother never supported me for that and wanted to take classes that are focused on "making a career." During football senior night, I was so embarrassed and felt kinda hazed (was not really hazed) when my sister pulled my side to side in front of my fellow cheerleaders, the school's dance team, the JROTC, the band and football players. Today, it gets harder after my dad suffered a stroke the summer of last year, but he is able to walk with a four leg cane, but struggles with his speech. I'm still struggling with emotional repression and manipulation by my older sister and mom. I just wished they would listen to me and care about what I am going through without their use of repression and manipulation. What must I do to end this situation? I really do need your help. Thank you, very much.
I've actually been suffering from this type of situation.
seems like my relative is taking advantage of the fact that I've got no one☝ to support me at the moment. hence using it against me
Our parents had a will that split their estate equally among their five kids. When our sister abandoned her kids, our parents moved near her as they felt sorrow for her. Over a number of years, she began taking their possessions - multiple cars, cash, etc. Then, near the end of their lives, we learned that she had manipulated their will and virtually became the sole benefactor. She was a sister I didn't know for 50 years. However, I am so thankful that I know who she is now so we will never be hurt by betrayal and lies again.