We get asked personal stuff all the time. It’s when it makes us feel uncomfortable and on the spot that it would be really nice to have a witty response in our back pocket. Having a couple of readymade funny comebacks to bat across the net eases the discomfort.
It puts the ball firmly in the other person’s court. By using a clever response we are alleviating tension and focusing attention away from ourselves. Not to mention that we come out of the situation looking pretty witty. All of a sudden, the tables have turned.
So, what kinds of situations are we talking about? There are universal topics that we all find awkward:
Now let’s get to it. First up, what sort of awkward personal questions are we talking about? Secondly, what can we say that’s not too rude but will get our point across? The point being of course that whatever they have asked is none of their business.
Some cultures talk about money and how much they earn as a matter of national pride. Others most certainly do not. For example, British people find it hugely distasteful to disclose or even ask a person about their salary. So if you are asked:
“How much money do you make?”
You can reply in any of the following ways:
Families, we don’t choose them, we can’t live without them. However, there are certain times during the year when we have to spend time with them. Christmas, Easter, religious festivals, we can’t get away from them.
As with all social gatherings, you get friction. Obviously, each family has its own dynamic and a particular set of problems, but here are a few common scenarios:
“Family is important, why don’t you come home more often?”
There’s also the question of children and siblings in the family.
“Can you babysit your sister’s/brother’s children?”
“Your brother graduated from Harvard last month, what are you doing with your life?”
Why is a person’s sexual orientation anyone’s business but their own? But certain people; for example, relatives, school friends, work colleagues, seem to think they have a right to know. Well, if this is what they ask, here are some examples of witty comebacks you can use:
“You’ve got very short hair, are you a lesbian?”
“Are you gay?”
I remember going to get some headache tablets from my local chemists and the pharmacist warned me not to buy certain ones as I was pregnant. I wasn’t. Moreover, I told her. You should have seen her face. She looked so guilty.
It was an honest mistake, but I went home and started yoga. Questions about weight can be devastating. Here’s what to say:
“Are you pregnant?”
“You’re too thin for me.”
“Are you worried about all your weight gain?”
Bless those elderly relatives who think it is their business to interrogate their sons or daughters about having kids. If you dread visiting your in-laws because of the incessant questioning about when you are going to start having children, read on:
“When are you going to start a family?”
This is another situation that people like to stick their noses in and rummage around for answers. A couple that is living together for a long period of time and has not yet proposed? What’s going on? We need answers!! Here is what you can say:
“When are you guys getting married?”
I hope I’ve given you some funny comebacks to use when people are asking you rude and embarrassing questions. But the main thing to remember if it all gets a little too personal, there’s no law that says you have to answer at all.
You can always say the following:
However, I have to say, it is really satisifying to deliver a killer punch comeback when someone is deliberately trying to make you feel uncomfortable or nervous.
On that note, why not let us know if you have any funny comebacks you’d like to share!
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How about: "I know I've gained weight but I was too polite to mention it."
"Where do you come from?"
"From my mother."
Often, I ask them to be more specific: "You mean the country?"
Some get the game, some are horribly offended.
This is one of the first questions folks ask (a friend of mine, who happens to be German, admits she has never been asked that... ?!), and it is irritating.
What about a comeback to people asking if you're a virgin? (male)
1) No, I never lived in Virginia.
2) (if it’s a girl you could get into) That depends on who’s asking....I have to determine if I saying yes can get me some sympathy or points.... (If it’s a girl you don’t get into) Smile and say you’re really flattered that she’s interested, but you aren’t looking for a girlfriend right now. (if it’s a dude) Hey bud, it’s your own business if you’re that way, but you’re looking in the wrong place. I don’t get into that kind of stuff.
3) Are you from the child support lawyer? It’s not mine, I swear. I don’t plan on any kids until I’m older.
This 21 funny comebacks are really awkward personal questions.
Personal questions. Are you writing a book?