Sticks and stones may break your bones and words….they can hurt you too. Verbal abuse is demeaning, disrespectful and just plain wrong. Have you ever had someone in your face yelling at you because they’re upset, or have you been called names before? I have, and unfortunately, I have called people names myself. We often look over this form of abuse and think it’s okay, but it’s not okay at all.
Whether it’s bullying, cyber bullying or domestic abuse, verbal onslaughts can be worse than any other form of abuse. The reason this is true is that it affects the connection between the right and left hemisphere of the brain. Considering our brain develops over time, for many years, the developmental process is affected by this violent verbiage.
Just as with sexual or physical abuse, we are changed dramatically as children, then as adults, we look at the world in a completely different way than those who were not abused. Many of us suffer from anxiety as a result of verbal abuse.
While observing, through a brain scan, young adults between 18-25, scientists were able to tell the difference between those who suffered from anxiety and depression as opposed to those who did not. Those who did suffer from anxiety and depression were also former victims of verbal abuse.
It turns out that these same individuals which experienced verbal abuse, went through this trauma during middle school years, a time when the brain is developing at its highest rate.
Both verbal and emotional abuse are similar. In fact, when someone is verbally abused, it affects them emotionally. Particular words even used passively, can cause severe damage to the self-esteem and emotions. This can act as a domino effect, causing disruptions in the victims work, relationships and home life, even years later.
At some point, anxiety will kick in, which will then become a rather uncontrollable response to otherwise normal changes in life. You can see the connection between these things and even imagine the permanent and detrimental damage that can and will be done to the brain and its structures.
There are many symptoms associated with verbal abuse. There are immediate consequences as well as long-term effects. Here are a few examples of the damage that can be done just by speaking harshly. All these things can be directed linked to anxiety disorders, by the way. This is going to make you think about what you say beforehand, trust me.
Now you can see what your harsh words and name calling can do to someone you love. Maybe it doesn’t cause this much damage in the first, second or third incidence, but over time, great harm can be done. Basically, people learn to frame their life around what others think and say about them, if they have yet to discover their own healthy self-esteem.
Anxiety surely can come from verbal abuse, and if you are enduring such abuse, you need to put a stop to it. Want to know how to recognize verbal abuse? Let me help you change your life, check out the list of indicators below.
Verbal abusers use name calling as a way to shock you into doing what they think is right. It’s basically about instilling fear. Calling you names is normal to them, and damaging to you.
Most often, the verbal abuse will happen behind closed doors. This is because the abuser knows that others will recognize the abuse, while the victim, alone, will be easier to manipulate.
Many times the verbal abuse will occur when you are starting to gain a little enthusiasm. If you seem happy, notice how the abuser will swoop in and start criticizing you. I believe, personally, that the abuser is afraid of losing control when you’re happy. I will even surmise to say that if they aren’t the source of your happiness, they become petrified and use abuse to gain control again.
The abuser will attack the things that the victim loves to do. If you are able to function enough to enjoy something on your own, the abuser will degrade what you do. Notice how your abuser never likes the things that you are interested in. It’s a clue.
Unlike most other disagreements or fights where both parties apologize, the abuser will never admit to any wrongs. When he is proved wrong and there’s really no way for him to deny that fact, he will respond with, “Just drop it” “Just forget about it” and “It’s over”. This shows that he cannot win but he will not lose control.
The victim of a verbal abuser will always feel isolated from other people, namely family, and friends. The abuser feels that once you’re isolated, they have full control to make you into whatever they want.
Since I started blog work for this page, I have over turned many rocks which covered the damage done to me in the past. I have discovered so many things which have played a role in my life and that molded who I am today. Unfortunately, many of the things that I overlooked were actually abusive and destructive. These were both things that I had done and things that were imposed upon me as well.
Verbal abuse was one of those things, and I believe whole heartedly that a good portion of my anxious behaviors derived from the hateful words and manipulative actions of my abusers. I know now that it wasn’t normal to be called names, degraded and humiliated in front of other people.
I no longer have the victim mentality that I once buried myself in, and I hope my work can help you too.
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Could very be the reason. I am sorry that happened to you.
My mother was VERY verbally abusive growing up and at times physical. She screamed and yelled so much all the neighbors knew and felt sorry for me. I acted out w/ drugs and alcohol as well as MAJOR eating disorder. I got my food in order 9 yrs ago and now that my mother is dealing w/ dementia and guilt tripping me to move back to her state, I am finally getting counseling and better. For one thing I thought my sister was a loon for having anxiety but now at 54 I am experiencing it the first time in my life and it is horrible. May we all find the healing we need.
Ive been married for 30 years and been abused for 30 years, first it was sever physical emotional and sexual abuse, there are so many instances to write down, its very difficult to ell anyone. He would always threaten to take away our daughter if I said anything, his parents new but didnt care. He ties me to a table with duct tape and sodimized me he has punched kicked pushed me threaten to disembowel me and bury me in a ditch no one would care as no one cares about me he would say, he has thrown me out of the car in the middle of no where at night to find my way back, walked 23km home.I broke my elbow so bad on day it was twisted around(he didnt do it i fell) had no phone daughter was 2 years old, waited for him to come back from work to take me to hospital but instead he got mad said I was interfering in his drinking time drove us to his parents house so they could watch the baby cause I couldnt they didnt do anything either till the next morning when I was crying in pain his father drove me to hospital had surgery.I finally went to police with all my abuse allegations they arrest him, but before the trial he threatened me and my daughter if I didnt lie and say I made it up he would make me regret it, Of course I believed him he was a monster.He quit drinking 15 years ago and the physical abuse stopped but the verbal emotional abuse continues,I feel like a fool for putting up with it all, I walk on egg shells, get shaky and nauseated when he is due home, I feel like I have no soul, I have no emotion or joy just empty. I do not tell him everything for fear of his reaction. I have finally made up my mind to leave him, Iam 53 years old and I just want some life back, but how do I tell him? Iam so nervous about how he will react.
My wife grew up in an abusive home. Her mother, who was abused by her father, was emotionally and verbally abusive to my wife and 1 of her sisters. Now, I am the target of my wife's emotional and verbal abuse. The first 5 years of our marriage were ok. She was controlling and would argue to the death about anything but it was manageable. Then, we had our first child and it has gotten progressively worse. Now, 24 years later, we can't have a conversation beyond figuring out the daily schedule. She is very controlling of everything that goes on in our home. I have tried addressing the behaviors but she just stonewalls, dismisses and blames me. I have struggled with depression for about 17 years and have become very withdrawn from our family. Unless and until she recognizes that her behavior is destructive, our marriage is doomed. My youngest is a freshman in high school so I must endure this hell for another 3 to 4 years.
Hi this is Amy,i dnt even know where to start, I have been in this marriage for about 8 years,at first I was happy but then comes the criticism starting from the movies I like to watch to each dissension I make, now I am like someone sleeping on a tree, there is a child at steak, I am fearfull all the time when I'm in a social situation expecting what he might latter criticise about me later on, I don't get supportive advice from him when I am seeking for one when I have stressful day at work he always make it my fault, I always pray, but now a days when I'm being insulted, I can't take it anymore, my self believe and esteem has been washed off, I have no friend to talk to I even am scared to befriend anyone cause I'm always concerned what others think of me,i think I'm not worth anything, I'm screaming in silence everywhere I go. I'm scared to leave cause I think no one will be able to love me and I'm putting my child's future at steak, please offer me a feel good advice!!!
I'm shaky as I type this. Its 230am. I lost my father on March 13, 2017. Losing him & what has transpired since then has been insanely difficult. I feel as though my legs are buckling under the pressure.
I married my oldest sons father shortly after finishing high school. Had my first child just before turning 20. By the time I decided to end my marriage, our son was only around 7mo. Eventually, I remarried again but ended up in an emotionally & verbally abusive 2nd marriage & he also was an alcoholic. 3rd times a charm, right? It took me all this time to not look away from the fact I've been in another emotionally abusive marriage. This time, over 10 years together. He is now my oldest sons step-dad and only father figure bc my first husband passed away unexpectedly just recently due to alcohol overdose causing heart failure. He was only 37. I'm 36. I have 3 kids. So much trauma in my background I'm a walking head case. I'm completely and utterly lost. Scared. Alone. Afraid to talk to anyone about any of it. I feel as though I'm crumbling. I'm strong and I KNOW I can manage. I've been through extremely difficult times before x100! but I'm having so much trouble with making up my mind. I know I have to be open about all of this with my spouse but then I'm also scared of that. I can feel it in my chest. It's to the point where I'm going to have a nervous breakdown it's been building for a while.