Sticks and stones may break your bones and words….they can hurt you too. Verbal abuse is demeaning, disrespectful and just plain wrong. Have you ever had someone in your face yelling at you because they’re upset, or have you been called names before? I have, and unfortunately, I have called people names myself. We often look over this form of abuse and think it’s okay, but it’s not okay at all.
Whether it’s bullying, cyber bullying or domestic abuse, verbal onslaughts can be worse than any other form of abuse. The reason this is true is that it affects the connection between the right and left hemisphere of the brain. Considering our brain develops over time, for many years, the developmental process is affected by this violent verbiage.
Just as with sexual or physical abuse, we are changed dramatically as children, then as adults, we look at the world in a completely different way than those who were not abused. Many of us suffer from anxiety as a result of verbal abuse.
While observing, through a brain scan, young adults between 18-25, scientists were able to tell the difference between those who suffered from anxiety and depression as opposed to those who did not. Those who did suffer from anxiety and depression were also former victims of verbal abuse.
It turns out that these same individuals which experienced verbal abuse, went through this trauma during middle school years, a time when the brain is developing at its highest rate.
Both verbal and emotional abuse are similar. In fact, when someone is verbally abused, it affects them emotionally. Particular words even used passively, can cause severe damage to the self-esteem and emotions. This can act as a domino effect, causing disruptions in the victims work, relationships and home life, even years later.
At some point, anxiety will kick in, which will then become a rather uncontrollable response to otherwise normal changes in life. You can see the connection between these things and even imagine the permanent and detrimental damage that can and will be done to the brain and its structures.
There are many symptoms associated with verbal abuse. There are immediate consequences as well as long-term effects. Here are a few examples of the damage that can be done just by speaking harshly. All these things can be directed linked to anxiety disorders, by the way. This is going to make you think about what you say beforehand, trust me.
Now you can see what your harsh words and name calling can do to someone you love. Maybe it doesn’t cause this much damage in the first, second or third incidence, but over time, great harm can be done. Basically, people learn to frame their life around what others think and say about them, if they have yet to discover their own healthy self-esteem.
Anxiety surely can come from verbal abuse, and if you are enduring such abuse, you need to put a stop to it. Want to know how to recognize verbal abuse? Let me help you change your life, check out the list of indicators below.
Verbal abusers use name calling as a way to shock you into doing what they think is right. It’s basically about instilling fear. Calling you names is normal to them, and damaging to you.
Most often, the verbal abuse will happen behind closed doors. This is because the abuser knows that others will recognize the abuse, while the victim, alone, will be easier to manipulate.
Many times the verbal abuse will occur when you are starting to gain a little enthusiasm. If you seem happy, notice how the abuser will swoop in and start criticizing you. I believe, personally, that the abuser is afraid of losing control when you’re happy. I will even surmise to say that if they aren’t the source of your happiness, they become petrified and use abuse to gain control again.
The abuser will attack the things that the victim loves to do. If you are able to function enough to enjoy something on your own, the abuser will degrade what you do. Notice how your abuser never likes the things that you are interested in. It’s a clue.
Unlike most other disagreements or fights where both parties apologize, the abuser will never admit to any wrongs. When he is proved wrong and there’s really no way for him to deny that fact, he will respond with, “Just drop it” “Just forget about it” and “It’s over”. This shows that he cannot win but he will not lose control.
The victim of a verbal abuser will always feel isolated from other people, namely family, and friends. The abuser feels that once you’re isolated, they have full control to make you into whatever they want.
Since I started blog work for this page, I have over turned many rocks which covered the damage done to me in the past. I have discovered so many things which have played a role in my life and that molded who I am today. Unfortunately, many of the things that I overlooked were actually abusive and destructive. These were both things that I had done and things that were imposed upon me as well.
Verbal abuse was one of those things, and I believe whole heartedly that a good portion of my anxious behaviors derived from the hateful words and manipulative actions of my abusers. I know now that it wasn’t normal to be called names, degraded and humiliated in front of other people.
I no longer have the victim mentality that I once buried myself in, and I hope my work can help you too.
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An exceedingly well written article! It demonstrated all of the characteristics of a narcissist. Someone who I used to be married to exemplifies these qualities on a daily basis as if they were a line item bulleted point list condition per condition in so far as the way she not only disrespectfully treats my 13 year old son, but treats me as well. Toxic, dark, evil, self righteous, misaligned, harmonically out of sync, disillusioned, disdainfull, hateful, overbearing, jealous, controlling, manipulative, these are all the characteristics of an abusive person and or mindset. RUN!!!! do not walk away from this type of person.
I was physically and mentally abused. I used to say the mental abuse was worse as at least l could try and defend myself with the physical but the emotional abuse has everlasting effects.
It’s amazing how something that was referred to as teaching showing them is so destructive and violatile is once referred as to learning methods the other is the ripples in the after affect and yes as it something I’ve incurred in my life I have all ways told people it’s much worse then the aggression physical abuse it’s there way and our way of we perceive our selfs through their words and eyes it’s with us playing over and over again it’s how we shape our selfs not to achieve try to positively approach our next steps as being can’t never won’t not good enough prettysonez it’s way it programmed in us never to move ahead only to hover over what could be would be that aNd positively surrounding our selfs with people that can see our true worth and qualities
So true. AND, I think it may have played A ROLE IN the establishment and maintenance of the PATRIARCHY. Here is why.
What I believe is much more ignored is: what happens when an abused child becomes a parent and has both ingrained anxiety and the habits of isolation and not being forthcoming with true feelings--or opinions?* Then there is a likelihood that this parent also raises children without emotional intimacy, leading to a next generation of potential isolation and inability to express intimacy--at least with persons of the same gender as the wounded parent. Of course there are other factors in life than the one parent, but each parent is extremely important. (Heaven help the child with two non-intimate parents!) Children raised this way will choose partners/spouses on this basis also, involve themselves with an abusive spouse. I suspect this pattern continues for many generations in some families. It might even become a social pattern in some communities. Did this sort of thing contribute to the entire patriarchal system that downplayed/downplays the value of women? It now seems easy to me so see this as a factor. The two became mutually reinforcing patterns. After all, the patriarchy existed for many thousands of years in Eurasia --and was forcibly spread by European colonialism elsewhere.
*Affects behaviors and roles in workplaces and other organizations as well as parenting. It affects policy decisions--as we surely know.
This is an excellent reply... to tie in abuse with patriarchy as a technique of maintaining it and it’s inter generational effects.
Thank you all. I have been abused so much In my lifetime. It is a real problem to most of us that survive it. Talking to my dearest friends whom have known me for decades. They take the time to care. Thank u for this post.