Sticks and stones may break your bones and words….they can hurt you too. Verbal abuse is demeaning, disrespectful and just plain wrong. Have you ever had someone in your face yelling at you because they’re upset, or have you been called names before? I have, and unfortunately, I have called people names myself. We often look over this form of abuse and think it’s okay, but it’s not okay at all.
Whether it’s bullying, cyber bullying or domestic abuse, verbal onslaughts can be worse than any other form of abuse. The reason this is true is that it affects the connection between the right and left hemisphere of the brain. Considering our brain develops over time, for many years, the developmental process is affected by this violent verbiage.
Just as with sexual or physical abuse, we are changed dramatically as children, then as adults, we look at the world in a completely different way than those who were not abused. Many of us suffer from anxiety as a result of verbal abuse.
While observing, through a brain scan, young adults between 18-25, scientists were able to tell the difference between those who suffered from anxiety and depression as opposed to those who did not. Those who did suffer from anxiety and depression were also former victims of verbal abuse.
It turns out that these same individuals which experienced verbal abuse, went through this trauma during middle school years, a time when the brain is developing at its highest rate.
Both verbal and emotional abuse are similar. In fact, when someone is verbally abused, it affects them emotionally. Particular words even used passively, can cause severe damage to the self-esteem and emotions. This can act as a domino effect, causing disruptions in the victims work, relationships and home life, even years later.
At some point, anxiety will kick in, which will then become a rather uncontrollable response to otherwise normal changes in life. You can see the connection between these things and even imagine the permanent and detrimental damage that can and will be done to the brain and its structures.
There are many symptoms associated with verbal abuse. There are immediate consequences as well as long-term effects. Here are a few examples of the damage that can be done just by speaking harshly. All these things can be directed linked to anxiety disorders, by the way. This is going to make you think about what you say beforehand, trust me.
Now you can see what your harsh words and name calling can do to someone you love. Maybe it doesn’t cause this much damage in the first, second or third incidence, but over time, great harm can be done. Basically, people learn to frame their life around what others think and say about them, if they have yet to discover their own healthy self-esteem.
Anxiety surely can come from verbal abuse, and if you are enduring such abuse, you need to put a stop to it. Want to know how to recognize verbal abuse? Let me help you change your life, check out the list of indicators below.
Verbal abusers use name calling as a way to shock you into doing what they think is right. It’s basically about instilling fear. Calling you names is normal to them, and damaging to you.
Most often, the verbal abuse will happen behind closed doors. This is because the abuser knows that others will recognize the abuse, while the victim, alone, will be easier to manipulate.
Many times the verbal abuse will occur when you are starting to gain a little enthusiasm. If you seem happy, notice how the abuser will swoop in and start criticizing you. I believe, personally, that the abuser is afraid of losing control when you’re happy. I will even surmise to say that if they aren’t the source of your happiness, they become petrified and use abuse to gain control again.
The abuser will attack the things that the victim loves to do. If you are able to function enough to enjoy something on your own, the abuser will degrade what you do. Notice how your abuser never likes the things that you are interested in. It’s a clue.
Unlike most other disagreements or fights where both parties apologize, the abuser will never admit to any wrongs. When he is proved wrong and there’s really no way for him to deny that fact, he will respond with, “Just drop it” “Just forget about it” and “It’s over”. This shows that he cannot win but he will not lose control.
The victim of a verbal abuser will always feel isolated from other people, namely family, and friends. The abuser feels that once you’re isolated, they have full control to make you into whatever they want.
Since I started blog work for this page, I have over turned many rocks which covered the damage done to me in the past. I have discovered so many things which have played a role in my life and that molded who I am today. Unfortunately, many of the things that I overlooked were actually abusive and destructive. These were both things that I had done and things that were imposed upon me as well.
Verbal abuse was one of those things, and I believe whole heartedly that a good portion of my anxious behaviors derived from the hateful words and manipulative actions of my abusers. I know now that it wasn’t normal to be called names, degraded and humiliated in front of other people.
I no longer have the victim mentality that I once buried myself in, and I hope my work can help you too.
View Comments
How harmful words are.
Minthni,
Yes, I agree. Word can create or they can destroy.
Thank you so much for your website. It’s really helping me process everything that has happened to me over the years and to plan what I need to do now.
Being screamed at and berated from birth to move out for every single thing I ever did set me back 20 years. I'm forty and just realizing I'm a person worthy of good things and hapiness.
Yes you are, don't let aholes ruin your life, cut off all ties from toxic people!
You are wonderful just like we all are ☺️
I agree!
Yes, Stephen, you are worthy of whatever you desire.
No wonder i have stressful anxiety just thinking about my mother in law, pure f*n torture! Cutting off all ties is the best!
Vero,
Verbal abuse can be a monster. The best thing you can do for revenge is grow stronger.
very much unfortunately my abuser was my father
i'm sure . he destroyed my bigger brother now he blames him because he can't be independent
i became independent and learned many stuffs he doesn't know . now he still trying to control on me
the only reason i'm still living with him is my dear mother. unfortunately my mother is very submissive
Jake,
My mother was also submissive. She would cook and if she forgot something, my father would refuse to eat at all. This would upset her so badly because she knew he would then blame her for not eating. It was a powerful manipulation. He was also verbally abusive, yelling at her, and at me. My heart goes out to your family, Jake. I hope everyone can find peace in the turmoil.
This exact thing happened to me last night with my husband. My mother-in-law bought us some nice steaks for Christmas and my husband decided that he was not going to eat anything that I made because I made him angry by leaving the coat closet door open. So he told her that I had ruined the steaks and that I insulted the quality. He ranted for hours about how he works so hard all day and then is unable to eat a decent meal because his “POS” wife...I think you get it. It’s his loss the steaks were excellent, I was able to have a few bites beforer before he picked it up and threw it outside. It sounds crazy but I’m grateful that this happened because I finally have had enough after eight years And I have a little money saved that he does not know about
So true.. the awareness of domestic and family violence campaigns should be focusing on Verbal Abuse of Adults and Children as much as Physical Violence.. Just because you don't see it on the Outside does not mean it is not there. Verbal Abuse leaves lifelong scars too.
Yes, ma'am, it does. As I have said before, I am learning all the little reasons why I react to things in my relationships. I have triggers and temper tantrums and always thought these things were normal. As I learn more and more about abuse and trauma, I understand where my less-than-savory aspects of my own personality come from. Verbal abuse from my past is probably why I yell sometimes now. It takes practice to stop that too and not let the abuse pass down to my children. Thank you for reading, Wendy.