Up until a few years ago, there wasn’t even a law that defined the signs of stalking and prevented someone from this uncomfortable experience. Stalking was not a criminal act. Victims could only pursue their stalkers under harassment laws, which were woefully inadequate. Since 2012, new laws were passed to stop stalkers. As recent as last December, new legislation now protects victims of stalking before a suspect has even been arrested.
So why has it taken so long for the law to catch up with stalking? One reason could be that it is difficult to pinpoint the signs of stalking. The line between unwanted attention and a criminal act can be extremely fragile.
One study identified 5 types of stalkers:
These are the most dangerous type. They have had a relationship with the victim and often seek revenge.
These types often live in a fantasy world of their own making and are not dangerous per se. They believe they are in love and it is unrequited.
These types often make crude attempts at romantic gestures and know they probably won’t get anywhere.
Resentful stalkers typically suffer from some sort of mental illness and can often end up in psychiatric care.
Another dangerous offender, these stalkers are violent and need medical help to control their feelings and violent actions.
The stalker will have obsessive traits and fixate on their subject. Their every waking moment will focus on their victim. You might find an area dedicated to the subject of their affection, such as a shrine or scrapbook. Their over-riding thoughts are concerned with pursuing their victim.
Stalkers will see signs in everyday events. My stalker, for instance, took me to his desk and asked me, in all seriousness, if I had left an elastic band on his desk as a sign. Where it had fallen it looked like a heart shape. Wear a red scarf and it is a sign, hold a newspaper, another sign.
Stalkers cannot believe their victims are not interested in them. Any rejections are signs of love and commitment.
In fact, the more a victim protests, the more they believe it is a covert sign. They may also think that with a little more patience their victim will come to love them.
In order to pursue their victims unnoticed for such long periods, stalkers have to have above average intelligence. They are adept at obtaining information about their victims and will use covert methods to get close to them. They will also use their intelligence to throw others off their trail.
Stalkers often tie their self-worth with the person they are pursuing. Typical loners, they long for a relationship that delivers a sense of worth. Associating with a special person raises the stalker’s profile and they see themselves in the same circle as their victim.
Is someone at work being extra helpful recently? Beware of the Good Samaritan, the person who is always around to help with that flat tyre or a lost word document. This heplful person has probably damaged your property in the first place to get close to you.
Has someone filed a legal suit against you in the last few months? Stalking isn’t always a person being overly nice by sending bouquets of flowers or cards. The whole purpose of a stalker is to get access to you. And filing a lawsuit means spending time with you.
Have you had a string of really bad luck? Your cat died? Was your dog run over? Your best friend suddenly won’t talk to you anymore? And now this once stranger is your rock, your knight in shining armour? Consider that this knight might be behind all your misfortunes.
You know when you just keep bumping into someone and at the beginning, it is a huge joke? When it starts to happen all the time, every day it is not funny. It is not natural or normal behaviour for someone to keep running into the same person all the time.
If someone gives you a gift that you don’t feel happy with, give it straight back. Inappropriate gifts can be one of those signs of stalking we don’t notice until it’s too late.
If someone you have just met starts asking you about times you logged on or off then this should set off alarm bells. What business is it of theirs when you access social media?
A person you are barely acquainted with wants to look after your children? I think not! This was the mistake I made with my stalker, letting him into my house too early with a big responsibility. I made him feel as if he was an important part of my life. When in fact, I just wanted someone to feed the cats.
The police advice is to follow four Golden Rules:
Once the stalker has been told in a firm but polite manner that their attention is unwanted, there should be no further contact. The stalker will see any kind of contact as positive and deem it as encouragement.
People that experience stalking may be reluctant to tell others what is going on. It is important to let friends and family know. This is because they can provide evidence in court and not unwittingly give details to the stalker.
It is essential to provide proof of your stalking so keep a journal. Take photographs or video the stalker. Save texts, emails, if you get deliveries call the company to find out who ordered it.
Not everyone can see the signs of stalking or they might not believe you, so make sure you can prove it.
Change the locks on your house, change your routine, only give out personal information to those your trust. Install sensors and alarms and get a home security check.
Do you have experience of stalking? Can you share any non-obvious signs of stalking we might have missed?
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Any advice on how to follow that advice when you work with this person and your position requires interaction?
i am a girl and people keep making up things about me and obsessively following me around. i watched a movie once and have been told about this movie over 20 times i hardly ever even think of the movie or have even barely watched it all because i decided to dye my hair blonde and i can't even do something without getting accused of something or made to feel bad about myself it is really scaring me because i feel like i am roleplaying someone elses fantasy land and the fact i can't even sit and watch a movie is pretty sad....
I am being stalked from 5 years continuously and being forced to be in a relation which i never want to . I have no idea how to deal with this problem.
I dated a guy in college for about five months and he was never my type. He would not let me go and followed me and eventually my family around America for eight years. There were no restraining orders back then (1970) and all I could do was rebuff and ask friends to help. Finally, after thirty years, he found a woman to marry him and give him children. My family knows his name in case I am shot dead unexpectedly.
My mom passed and since than I feel like I'm being gained stocked. I see same people all over they run c me off the roads mess with my cars yet to make me seem crazy