Up until a few years ago, there wasn’t even a law that defined the signs of stalking and prevented someone from this uncomfortable experience. Stalking was not a criminal act. Victims could only pursue their stalkers under harassment laws, which were woefully inadequate. Since 2012, new laws were passed to stop stalkers. As recent as last December, new legislation now protects victims of stalking before a suspect has even been arrested.
So why has it taken so long for the law to catch up with stalking? One reason could be that it is difficult to pinpoint the signs of stalking. The line between unwanted attention and a criminal act can be extremely fragile.
One study identified 5 types of stalkers:
These are the most dangerous type. They have had a relationship with the victim and often seek revenge.
These types often live in a fantasy world of their own making and are not dangerous per se. They believe they are in love and it is unrequited.
These types often make crude attempts at romantic gestures and know they probably won’t get anywhere.
Resentful stalkers typically suffer from some sort of mental illness and can often end up in psychiatric care.
Another dangerous offender, these stalkers are violent and need medical help to control their feelings and violent actions.
The stalker will have obsessive traits and fixate on their subject. Their every waking moment will focus on their victim. You might find an area dedicated to the subject of their affection, such as a shrine or scrapbook. Their over-riding thoughts are concerned with pursuing their victim.
Stalkers will see signs in everyday events. My stalker, for instance, took me to his desk and asked me, in all seriousness, if I had left an elastic band on his desk as a sign. Where it had fallen it looked like a heart shape. Wear a red scarf and it is a sign, hold a newspaper, another sign.
Stalkers cannot believe their victims are not interested in them. Any rejections are signs of love and commitment.
In fact, the more a victim protests, the more they believe it is a covert sign. They may also think that with a little more patience their victim will come to love them.
In order to pursue their victims unnoticed for such long periods, stalkers have to have above average intelligence. They are adept at obtaining information about their victims and will use covert methods to get close to them. They will also use their intelligence to throw others off their trail.
Stalkers often tie their self-worth with the person they are pursuing. Typical loners, they long for a relationship that delivers a sense of worth. Associating with a special person raises the stalker’s profile and they see themselves in the same circle as their victim.
Is someone at work being extra helpful recently? Beware of the Good Samaritan, the person who is always around to help with that flat tyre or a lost word document. This heplful person has probably damaged your property in the first place to get close to you.
Has someone filed a legal suit against you in the last few months? Stalking isn’t always a person being overly nice by sending bouquets of flowers or cards. The whole purpose of a stalker is to get access to you. And filing a lawsuit means spending time with you.
Have you had a string of really bad luck? Your cat died? Was your dog run over? Your best friend suddenly won’t talk to you anymore? And now this once stranger is your rock, your knight in shining armour? Consider that this knight might be behind all your misfortunes.
You know when you just keep bumping into someone and at the beginning, it is a huge joke? When it starts to happen all the time, every day it is not funny. It is not natural or normal behaviour for someone to keep running into the same person all the time.
If someone gives you a gift that you don’t feel happy with, give it straight back. Inappropriate gifts can be one of those signs of stalking we don’t notice until it’s too late.
If someone you have just met starts asking you about times you logged on or off then this should set off alarm bells. What business is it of theirs when you access social media?
A person you are barely acquainted with wants to look after your children? I think not! This was the mistake I made with my stalker, letting him into my house too early with a big responsibility. I made him feel as if he was an important part of my life. When in fact, I just wanted someone to feed the cats.
The police advice is to follow four Golden Rules:
Once the stalker has been told in a firm but polite manner that their attention is unwanted, there should be no further contact. The stalker will see any kind of contact as positive and deem it as encouragement.
People that experience stalking may be reluctant to tell others what is going on. It is important to let friends and family know. This is because they can provide evidence in court and not unwittingly give details to the stalker.
It is essential to provide proof of your stalking so keep a journal. Take photographs or video the stalker. Save texts, emails, if you get deliveries call the company to find out who ordered it.
Not everyone can see the signs of stalking or they might not believe you, so make sure you can prove it.
Change the locks on your house, change your routine, only give out personal information to those your trust. Install sensors and alarms and get a home security check.
Do you have experience of stalking? Can you share any non-obvious signs of stalking we might have missed?
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Hi, I think my family is having me stalked, I keep on having weird experiences where people know something about me they shouldn't or allude to some kind of lifestyle I don't live. This lady who was dropping me off in an uber drive. Mind you my phone always glitches when I get on uber. So she is talking to me and she makes this weird remark about a drug addict woman who works at the same place I work, and that she had scares on her face and she was doing much better. However if the stupid bitch was talking about me, people get acne so im like pass scares heal. She said stuff like the woman was picking at her face, faces itch. She just came off as a liar and manipulator. These are tactics my sisters and mom actually everyone I know has been doing this. Not exactly stating my name or description when talking to me about me, and all they have is negative things to say. If the police doesn't help people in these situations because they believe the story of a liar and gas lighter then what am I to do? I'd take this into my own hands because I don't like the feeling nor the experience, im sure Everyone participating thinks its funny, infact my bitch ass family is probably waiting until I get benefits to do anything to me. So America if life insurance is a benefit paid out if i ever --- then you just gave people an incentive to be murders and if I could rate the United States of America they wouldn't even reach one star.
It took me 5 years to figure out but since my mom passed two years ago, my family has been stalking and harassing me for 5 years and doing some form of electronic harrassment to try and control me since my dad is the one with the money and connections since he’s a high powered attorney. How can I get them to stop. They hired people to do their dirty work when I’m home and not home. I left yesterday and in 30 minutes when I came back they had popped my front door lock off from outside in. I found handprints on the inside of my bedroom window. What’s the cheapest way to find hidden cameras that they installed? How can I make this stop? Please. What phone can I get because I found out they have the cell phone store wiretaps my phone which is illegal. The same people have been following me and breaking and entering into my home when I walk my dog or leave. I feel like my family hired a PI on me because they know my every move and they hired people to do work in my home while I’m gone and while I’m home. Any suggestions please. This needs to stop now. They’ve gone too far
I don't know if this helps but police advise victims of stalking to keep a journal with dates and times of stalking behaviour, but the best thing you can do is to tell people, make them aware of the problem.
Janey