Have you ever wished you had a clever comeback when someone belittles you? I am useless at thinking quickly. It’s only afterwards I come up with a witty putdown, but the moment’s passed.

Though, I do keep clever comebacks up my sleeve for rude people. I’ve also looked at social media sites to find some cracking responses. I’ve grouped them into categories, but if you like them, use as you see fit.

What to say when someone belittles you?

When someone tries to belittle you with big or uncommon words:

“Sorry, I’m not into Pokémon.”

“That must be exhausting, using up your entire vocabulary in one sentence…”

“At least you have your looks.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t listening. Can you say it again?”

“Okay, more about how AMAZING you are.”

What to say when someone belittles what you’re wearing:

“Yeah, I bought it off your dad.”

“I can change my shirt, but you’ll have that face for the rest of your life.”

“Your mom doesn’t seem to mind it.”

“The 1950s called. They want their fashion back.”

“Nice shirt. Does it come in Men’s?”

When someone keeps correcting you:

“Thanks. Now, back to my point.”

“Some people are like old cars. It takes one hit to shut them up.”

When someone calls you a rude name:

“You are as charming as you are eloquent.”

“I’ve been called worse things by better people.”

“I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.”

“I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.”

When someone makes a joke and laughs at your expense:

“Your grandmother must be so proud.”

“You weren’t laughing when the herpes test came back.”

“Why don’t you go home to your wife and my kids?”

“Aren’t you due back in the lab to get your bolts tightened?”

“No wonder people talk about you behind your back.”

When someone belittles you by interrupting all the time:

“I’m sorry for talking while you’re interrupting. Please, you go first.”

“Oh, I’m sorry that the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours.”

“I’m in a hurry. Is this going to take long? I’m double-parked.”

When someone is making fun of your intelligence:

“Damn, you must’ve been at the top of the bell-curve in school.”

“Do something useful, hold this…”

“Are you one of those people that thinks jet fuel can melt steel beams?”

When someone is being a bitch:

“Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”

“Someone needs to slap the trailer out of you.”

“You’re just not pretty enough to be this stupid.”

“Can you turn the bitch down? I can’t hear myself think.”

“You’re just bitter cause your parents wanted a boy.”

“I was just wondering if you were as nice as you are pretty.”

When someone belittles your decisions/lifestyle:

“I’m happy with my decisions and my life, but thank you for your concern.”

“It’s a shame you feel that way.”

“I’m an alcoholic, not an accountant.”

When someone just won’t shut up:

“If I throw a stick, will you leave?”

“I would love to continue this battle of wits, but I refuse to fight an unarmed man.”

“Why don’t you talk about something you know?”

“I don’t care what everyone else says. I don’t think you’re that bad.”

When someone’s belittling turns aggressive:

“Oh, you are SO right. I hadn’t thought of that! Thank you so much for being thoughtful enough to share your wisdom!”

“Are you okay hun?”

“You hang in there.”

“You’re cute when you’re angry.”

“Hug it out?”

“Are you having a bad day?”

When someone is really rude to you:

“Oh be quiet, you’re turning me on.”

“You know what’s sad? Someday, you’re going to die alone… and I won’t be there to see it.”

Fart loudly and say, “I’m so sorry. I was trying to give a shit about you, but that was the best I could manage.”

“That was really rude. You must be so embarrassed.”

“I can eat an alphabet soup and shit a better argument than that.”

“Look, you managed to tie your shoes today. We should just count our blessings.”

“You must be a devil with the ladies.”

When someone says, “You can’t take a joke.”

“But I’m here with you.”

“I’m trying to see it from your point of view, but I just can’t get my head that far up my own arse.”

“Don’t you have a paper route to get to?”

When someone belittles you by calling you trash:

“At least trash gets taken out once a week.”

When you just need a quick comeback:

“You’re going to make someone a great ex-wife/husband one day.”

“You are a modest man, with much to be modest about.”

“Your low self-esteem is finally justified.”

“You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!”

“I think you’re funny. But looks aren’t everything.”

“Is this what you want to be doing when Jesus looks down on you?”

“Is there something you need, dear? Can I call someone for you?”

“Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.”

“I wish we were better strangers.”

“You’d be an idiot savant if you had a talent.”

“For someone who talks a lot of shit, you sure have nice teeth.”

Final thoughts

It’s difficult to come up with a witty putdown when someone belittles you. I hope you find the above examples useful. Why not let me know if you have any I haven’t mentioned?


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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Kelly Taylor

    THE BEST reply I have to whenever someone issues some nasty comment to me has always been, “My mother taught me that when you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” No clever or nasty put-down needed.

  2. Julie

    🙂Very helpful Janey. Thank you. Not at the point yet where I am able to utter the words above, but very much appreciate having them in my arsenal when I am ready!

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