How do you know if you lack self-worth? Well, sometimes it’s obvious by all about the behaviors you tolerate. It’s time to do inventory, don’t you think?

Being a tolerant person is okay when you’re trying to understand another person and their perspective. But it reveals that you lack self-worth when you start tolerating all behavior. You see, it’s important to guard your mental health, and part of that is not tolerating certain behaviors that prove to be toxic.

Revealing your lack of self-worth

To gauge your most accurate level of self-worth, it’s important to recognize what behaviors you’re accepting from friends, family, and loved ones. This also applies to coworkers as well, as your work relationship can be toxic.

If you’re giving others control of your self-esteem, you’re devaluing yourself. Here are some behaviors you may tolerate which reveal that you lack self-worth.

1. Verbal abuse

If you allow someone to speak to you in any way they please, then what does that say about how you view yourself? If a partner yells and you just stand there and take it, then something is wrong. Could it be that you think you deserve such garbage? Well, you don’t, and if this is happening, then put a stop to it.

Hopefully, you can walk away when the verbal abuse starts. Maybe you can even rethink your relationship. With family and friends, this applies in the same way. Do not tolerate verbal abuse.

2. Compromising your needs

Are you always the one who sacrifices what you want for someone else’s interests? If so, you may tolerate their selfish or pushy behavior because you don’t think what you want matters as much. It’s all part of having that lack of self-worth.

The healthy way to go about this situation is to be assertive in what you want, showing that your needs are just as important as what someone else’s needs. Too much compromise can kill your dreams and your self-worth.

3. Disrespect

Tolerating disrespect reveals many things about yourself. First, it shows your lack of self-worth. It also reveals your inability to say “No”. Yes, sometimes when you go along with everything, it means you cannot set clear boundaries in your life.

Everyone needs healthy boundaries to understand what should and should not be tolerated. So, to begin, practice saying “no”, and then all the rest will fall in place. Disrespect includes behaviors such as lying, talking behind your back, and invading your privacy, just to name a few.

4. Negativity

We all have that one friend who’s constantly spreading negativity. And we may feel like it’s important to remain friends with them because maybe others will not.

Unfortunately, negativity spreads, and when we tolerate this influence in our lives, it shows that we lack basic self-worth. Although trying to be kind to negative people is good, it’s also okay to love them from a distance. It’s not our job to fix them, it’s our job to fix us.

5. Constant criticism

We lack self-worth if we allow constant criticism. It’s not okay to let others consistently degrade or belittle us or the things we do. While not everything we do may be good for us, constant criticism is worse.

So, to heal our unhealthy self-esteem, we must limit our time around those who always put us down somehow. We can appreciate the good things about ourselves.

6. Manipulation

Manipulation comes in many forms, including gaslighting. I mention gaslighting because it is an especially toxic and powerful tool to bring down a person’s sense of self. If you tolerate such behavior, you already have a lack of self-worth, and have probably fallen victim to multiple instances of gaslighting.

To break this pattern of manipulation, you may have to remove yourself from the people who do this to you to see the truth. You are worthy. Never think otherwise.

7. Controlling behavior

Allowing controlling behavior is saying that you don’t feel confident in making your own decisions. This will continue as long as you feel this way. Some people sense your lack of self-worth and they use this to control everything you do.

This could come from parents, partners, friends, and many other people in your life. Having control over another person is powerful, but taking back control of your own life is even more powerful.

8. Ignoring boundaries

If someone crosses your boundaries, and you don’t say something to them, then you may lack self-worth. Maybe this person, whether a friend or family, thinks they have a right to cross these boundaries.

For example, even if your partner touches you and you don’t want to be touched, that is also crossing boundaries. Most people in relationships don’t realize this. You must have a strong sense of self to recognize this and speak up.

Repairing your self-worth

I mentioned a few things you could do to stop tolerating inappropriate behavior, but there are so many other things you need to keep in mind. It doesn’t matter what others think about your needs, boundaries, choices, or preferences, they’re important.

If you feel uncomfortable, say something. If you feel extremely uncomfortable, leave the location if you have to. But make sure you assert your self-worth as long as you are in a safe location.

I know there are instances where you cannot say or do things for fear of being berated or possibly hurt, but when the time comes, do what you need to do. The main point is to protect your self-esteem, and one day you can break free from the behaviors that enslave you.

Go forth, be you, and be free.

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Julia Smith

    After being married for 50+ years with grown up children what’s your suggestion? Can’t just move away now, can one? Yes, today it’s all good for those who are young but not applicable to people who have given their best years Prime years and now in the late 70’s have to go through the above behavior.

  2. Sherrie

    Hi Julia,

    I see what you mean, and I don’t have all the answers, especially here. My mother stayed her entire life with my abusive father. Unfortunately, we have ideas and venues for improvement now that people didn’t have in the past. I spent a couple of decades in a toxic marriage and felt just as trapped then. So, all I can tell you is that finding happiness wherever you can is important. As small as appreciating beauty, rest, and the company of people you like being around. Yes, so many people have stipulations on their behaviors and where they can and cannot go, but inside, we have to try so hard to retain who we KNOW we are. Enjoy every taste of freedom we can get and stay safe at the same time.

    Maybe your wisdom surpasses mine, but I want to help so bad. Sometimes, I don’t know the right words to say. Sometimes I do. But now that the children are grown, it’s your time again, no matter what age. I send love to you. Thank you for reading, and thank you for your insight.

  3. Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

    I don’t have all the answers. But I do know this: after my children left, I was sad for a while and then I met this person…me. Yes, I guess I knew her a bit from before, but it was only a thin reflection of her. Now, I am meeting myself in its fullness. As far as moving away, I cannot say you can or you cannot. I don’t know your potential, health, or your wealth. And yes, people have more resources available to them now than in the past.

    One thing that helped me when I was in frightening situations and struggles was to pay attention to the tiny beautiful things…as I thought everything was horrible. It wasn’t. There was beauty everywhere. And as much as I didn’t really want to trust people, I’ve found a couple that support me when i need it. So, I don’t know what you should do in your particular situation. Only you know that, or maybe you want to know….you’re still searching. I do send love to you. Please don’t be a stranger. 🙂

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