Being an introvert can, at times, be difficult.

People may question why you don’t want to go to that party, or why you don’t want to be around a big group of people – this is only magnified when you’re in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t fully understand introverts and let’s be honest – only introverts understand introverts.

In a similar way, if you love an introvert (and are not one yourself), it can be difficult to understand your partner at times.

Here are seven things you need to know if you’re in a relationship with an introvert:

1. Their need to be alone is not because they need to get away from you

Introverts just need to be alone. That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong or that they don’t want to be around you. Introverts just reach a point where they need some time to be alone and just not be around other people.

Sometimes extroverts can’t understand that and immediately think they’ve done something wrong when an introvert needs to be alone rather than spend time with them.

2. Liking being alone does not mean they don’t like people

A common misconception is that introverts don’t like people just because every so often they need alone time to recharge. It’s even possible to be an outgoing introvert – somebody who loves to be outgoing and enjoys conversation, but needs to be alone afterwards and likes to ponder and think deeply.

Just because somebody likes spending time alone doesn’t mean they don’t like to be around other people, and to non-introverts, that’s probably one of the hardest aspects of introversion to grasp.

3. They like to think deeply about everything

Introverts like to analyse things, it’s just part of how their brain works. It may take a while for an introvert to understand something and that’s because we seek deeper meanings beyond the surface ideals.

4. Being an introvert doesn’t equal boring

Sometimes non-introverts can see introverts as boring as they don’t like to be out socialising 24/7 and this is just not the case.

Chances are, if you’re in a relationship with an introvert, you’re already aware of the ways in which your partner likes to have fun, but on the off chance you’ve never really paid that much attention, you should know that being quiet and introverted does not make somebody boring. They just find different things fun than perhaps an extrovert does.

5. They might not have fun at parties

Everyone has fun at parties, right? That’s the whole point of them. Well, actually no. Loud, over-crowded parties may be an introvert’s worst nightmare.

Sure, there’ll always be the occasional introvert who enjoys parties in small doses but for the most part, attempting to be ourselves in a large crowd just isn’t what we’d choose to do on a Saturday night, and if you’re in a relationship with an introvert, you need to remember this.

6. They want to really get to know you

Introverts would rather form deep and authentic relationships than shallow, fake ones, which means lots of meaningful conversations about the parts of your personality that others don’t often get to see.

Introverts may come across as guarded at first, as they’re used to internalising their thoughts and feelings but knowing somebody on a deeper level is what really intrigues an introvert.

7. They’re aware of things other people may miss

Introverts are usually people-watchers. They pay attention to everything, which may not come across as a good thing if you’re not used to this. They notice things others may not have considered and because introverts are deeply introspective, they may be great at finding a solution to your problem.

Dealing with an introvert may be almost as difficult as being an introvert. But, as in any relationship, the point is to respect each other’s personality and unique characteristics. Whether you are an introvert or not, we would love to hear your thoughts on that.

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This Post Has 15 Comments

  1. ErsA

    well…i don’t know if i am an introvert or exovert but i find i act as both. Its true that i can’t get along with new people easily or start a new conversation in a large group easily. plus i rather like to stay alone with some kinds of books or soft music but once when i get along with someone or a large group then i act like an exovert. Still,i find life of an introverts more fun than exoverts.

    1. Christina

      Aah, the part I don’t mention in this article is the inbetweeners like yourself! Ambiverts are people with mixtures of both introverts and extroverts, so you could be one of those!

  2. Panos

    really informative article …. especially if you are in a relationship with one !!

  3. RegretfulIntrovert

    I wish my ex girlfriend read this article

  4. Jaime

    As an introvert married to an extrovert, there are definitely challenges to him trying to understand that it’s truly not him, it’s just me. And there are challenges for me trying to understand how he can be the way he is. We are polar opposites in every way.

  5. andrew fellows

    Hi Christina. Introversion is linked to how submissive or dominant a person is as are virtually all character traits such as how analytical or intuitive you are, how egotistical you are, how holistic or focused etc etc. These traits come from your dedicated role within society. Dominants are meant to be leaders, middle order people are worker followers and highly submissives are the analytical one who review and report. People who are highly submissive are designed to observe the heard from a distance rather than from within it

    1. Christina

      Hi Andrew! I am undoubtedly an introvert in every sense of the word. Howevet I’m quite a dominant person both within my personality and my career. I’ve never read any studies that state this is a research finding so I’d be interested to read where you found that information about dominance/submissiveness being linked to introversion/extroversion

  6. leigh

    great article. learned a lot about a potential mate and also, surprisingly!, about myself in the aspect of introversion. that bit caught me off guard. thank you for some insights here. 🙂

  7. lelde

    I am extrovert and had to cut my relationship with an introvert because his willingness to be alone was too often and too long, one day he opens up and writes o me smth really sweet like I miss you and than dissapears for five days or more, yes you can try to accept the way person is, but when he/she do not want to try understand partners (extroverts) feelings too, than it becomes a disaster. An extrovert feels unwanted, not appreciated in such relationships. Relationships are about to work towards them from both sides.

  8. rob stark

    and what if the introvert dont understand you .they want things to be their way that’s just fukin annoying

  9. Jessie

    I’m an introvert. I would rather being single than to be with those(extroverts) who can never understand why a person will have such weird needs to just be alone. I tried hard to take care the other side’s feeling even when he suspected that I was cheating on him. Marathon explanation is exactly what makes me suffocated. I don’t think it’s weird to go to cinema alone but I still enjoy exploring new and interesting things, places etc in life with the other half. I enjoy deep conversations with people and I’m a good listener, I enjoy the trust within and in some way, I can easily tell who’s lying. I respect everyone just as the person they are regardless of skin colour, gender, age, upbringing, character etc. and I hope that other would think the same way.

  10. pat

    Introvert speaking. I confirm every word of article

  11. Priya Patel

    I think this article just taught me how to love myself because I am definitely an introvert. This was beautiful to read and I think I know how to make peace with myself because for the past almost 27 years, I felt like I was an unusual human being… Thank you Christina for sharing this one, it truly touched my soul and I just found out more about myself and I have found back my confidence that I had probably lost for a while… The day I find my life partner, I will definitely share this article to read for him to understand me from the point of view you’ve just described introverts. I’ll be forever grateful to you!

  12. David

    This article contains a lot of truth, and helped me gain a greater understanding of one of the reasons why I (as an introvert) have a history of having difficulty with relationships when being involved with extroverts.

  13. Eric

    I love these publications

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