The term “conversational narcissist” may seem like a made-up term, but it’s not. This type of narcissist will constantly attempt to steal the conversation, however they can. Sounds familiar?
A healthy exchange between two people would be an evenly spread two-way dialogue. Or rather, each person would have a chance to get their ideas across, wouldn’t you agree? An unhealthy exchange, on the other hand, is a more one-sided conversation. This is how the conversational narcissist flourishes.
What is a conversational narcissist?
A conversational narcissist is someone who constantly tries to rule a discussion. The spotlight must always be on this individual, even if they have to act in nefarious ways.
Now, I’m not saying that conversational narcissism spells narcissistic personality disorder because it doesn’t. This type of narcissist can either have insecurities or an inflated ego… or a little of both. And honestly, you may be doing this during conversations as well, and you just don’t recognize it.
Well, today, I’m going to give you a few phrases conversational narcissists use, and you can decide if this fits how you communicate.
1. “Well, my problems are worse than that!”
A conversational narcissist will always say they have it worse than you. And you may be wondering why they’d want to have more problems and struggles.
Well, the conversation couldn’t spotlight the narcissists if they didn’t have prominent problems. If the talk is about trouble, the narcissist will always want to have the most. Even the bad things keep them front and center.
2. “Don’t blame me for what happened!”
This one sometimes comes right out of nowhere. You may be talking about a mistake you’ve made, and the narcissist will take the opportunity to project their own victim mentality.
You probably never said anything about blaming them, but they will try to make you think that you did. And they will run with this idea for as long as possible. They may even bring it up in a later conversation, reminding you about how you blamed them for no reason. It’s truly a strange statement.
3. “You seem to be going kind of crazy lately”
This may not be their exact statement, but the idea here is gaslighting. Oh, how a narcissist loves to make you look incapable. They love to say things like,
“I could tell something was wrong with you because you claimed you never heard what I said. You also told me that I did things I didn’t do, and you started a fight with me!”
Yep, that was a long one, but doesn’t some part of that statement ring a bell? There are so many variations of “You’re crazy”, so it’s good to be discerning and pay attention to every way that a conversational narcissist can gaslight you.
4. “You’re kind of ignorant”
Not only does the narcissist gaslight you, but they try to make you think you’re dumb as well. During a conversation, pay attention to how the narcissist picks certain topics from what you say and attempts to make them seem incorrect.
I’ve actually watched someone like this tell a mathematician that they were wrong about fractions. They even went as far as to back up their nonsense with proclamations of Google searches that proved the mathematician wrong. And when the narcissist noticed they were losing ground, they said,
“Whatever, this is a stupid conversation”.
Do you see what happened there?
5. “I cannot believe you fell for that.”
I see a bunch of conversational narcissists discussing politics lately. This is a common statement when one of them wants to prove that their friend with the opposite political beliefs is wrong. No matter the relevant point, the narcissist will try to make their friend feel wrong for personal beliefs, morals, and standards.
Here’s the truth: none of us is perfect, including our political ideals. The narcissist thrives off arguments on topics like this.
6. “Just listen to what you’re saying.”
This statement is often delivered in a sarcastic tone, reminding you that your points make no sense. The narcissist wishes to make you feel ashamed about what you’re saying and then prompts you to say something else.
This is when the narcissist imposes their own skewed view of things and tries to convince you that their ideas are more logical, which is a fallacy.
7. “You people are all the same”
This narcissistic statement is usually a bigoted or racist statement, but the narcissist doesn’t mind that. Whether they are talking to someone of a different culture, religion, or socio-economic status, the narcissist will see who they are as better.
The conversation can be going pretty well, and then out of the blue, they will say something like this. It’s wounding and surprising, as it’s mixed with all sorts of “love-bombing” type compliments. This toxic individual really knows how to catch you off-guard, weaving and spinning their web.
Guarding against conversational narcissists
Is this you? Is this one of your friends or family members? If you catch yourself talking over people and interrupting them, then just practice listening more often.
There are different degrees of being narcissistic in a conversation, and not everyone who interrupts others is a conversational narcissist… or are they? This one keeps me thinking. If this doesn’t describe you, then it could very well be someone else, and you’ll need to understand how to deal with them.
The first thing you must remember is to keep your guard up around this type of character. They may seem harmless at first, but before you know it, they can make you forget who you really are.
A narcissist will tunnel their way into your conversation and say some of the most outlandish things you’ve ever heard. The worst part: they’ll have you believing what they’re saying, due to the covert manipulation. So, don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Featured image by benzoix on Freepik
Great post Sherrie!
I am not happy with my own behavior when having conversations with others. I am not a conversational narcissist; but I always seem to know everything. I rather talk less and listen more! I am always hungry to learn and I think sometimes, I try to challenge others to get them to share their knowledge and experiences. Every once while it works and I find someone, I find fascinating and learn as much as I can from them; most other times I end up just sharing my own knowledge and experiences. I once read : You should be quite and listen since you are not getting any smarter when talking!
I know I am not a Conversational Narcissist because I have dealt with a few myself. They are often “Energy Vampires” as well; and unfortunately, I was forced to just avoid them as much as possible since nothing else seems to work!
Sherrie is being kind in these 7 phrases she lists. Conversational Narcissists are very creative and having the upper hand in a conversation, is NOT always their goal. Sometimes it is about hurting, abusing or bullying others!
When I go on a rant myself, it is never about being vicious to others. It could be because of a low self-esteem, or being lonely or trying to get others to open up.
It is important to differentiate between a vicious “Conversational Narcissist” and a lonely sad soul looking for human contact or empathy. You are not expected to be anyone’s therapist even if you are one; but knowing who you are dealing with is knowledge and knowledge is power!
Thank you, Eddie. I try to hold back just a little because I do not want to be a hypocrite. When I research things, I sometimes see myself. I see things that I do, which are with good intentions, but I see them and wonder. I do know that there is a difference between them. I just get scared that the people I know, that are like this or have other strong toxic traits, are going to infect me even more. You do pick up things from others who abuse you if you aren’t careful. I already recognize negative traits that I’ve acquired from abusive relationships.
But, there seem to be levels of this, or rather, those who will get help and those who will not. With that, I mean those will will take themselves to get help without someone telling them to. Unfortunately, those with strong narcissistic traits are not usually willing to get help. You cannot communicate with them, you cannot show them what they are doing, and you cannot get sympathy…only the victim mentality…silent treatment, and hunger strikes.
Me and you, yeah, we do hog the conversation sometimes, sure. But I don’t want to be a conversational narcissist, and if I am, I want to change.
Please don’t take that the wrong way. Just reiterating what you said to me about yourself. 🙂