The search for the ideal partner is not an easy thing to do as it strongly depends on the characteristics we feel attracted to and search for in the opposite sex.

Do you want a partner who is moving on the same wavelength with you or are you looking for a person with the traits that you do not have? This is a question that has puzzled many people for many many years… Do opposite personalities attract or not? Let’s examine what psychology says.

Do opposite personalities attract, according to studies and experts?

We are basically looking for a person who is very much like us, states a study published in the journal Psychology Today. Subconsciously, we want our partner to have many traits in common with us. This is because we seek stability and want to build a strong relationship. Having common personality traits with our partner increases the chances that we will also have similar aspirations and interests in life.

In some way, the sexual attraction towards a person similar to us confirms that we are normal and desirable, say the researchers. Dr. Stacy Lynn Harps shares this view and states that this kind of compatibility ensures the happy future of the relationship.

A study published in 2008 in the journal Evolutionary Psychology argues that it is more likely to match with a person similar to us in terms of personality, but we are seeking something new and different in terms of general preferences and interests.

The psychologist Leslie Beth Wish, author of Smart Relationships: How Successful Women Can Find True Love, adds that the “recipe” for the happy relationship includes shared values, similar experiences, and family background but complementary personalities.

Opposite personalities – similar values

As you can see from the above, most experts and researchers state that similar personalities attract more than opposite ones. I personally believe that the key to a successful relationship is psychological compatibility paired with similar values in life.

Psychological compatibility doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to have a similar personality to your partner. Quite the opposite is true. Oftentimes, opposite personalities attract and match really well. For example, introverts often make the best partners for extroverts and vice versa. These two personality types are completely different and often misunderstand each other. Yet, they complement each other too.

I believe the only problematic union would be an extreme introvert dating an extreme extrovert. Yes, this kind of relationship would be difficult to handle and would probably be full of misunderstandings. However, if one of the partners lies closer to the middle of the introversion/extroversion spectrum, it can turn out to be a perfect union.

One of the key elements of a happy and balanced relationship is sharing the same values in life. It’s far more important than having similar interests and hobbies. Common interests are certainly an advantage and help a lot in the first stages of the relationship. Yet, it’s the common values that make two people stick together over time.

When I’m referring to values, I talk about similar views on life, beliefs, and aspirations. After all, what you strive for and want to achieve in life stems from your idea of what happiness is. So basically, I believe that two people in the couple need to have a similar understanding of what a happy and fulfilling life is.

If one partner wants to travel the world and meet new people while the other dreams about living a quiet life in the countryside, sooner or later, disagreements and misunderstandings will arise. If two people chase similar things in life, then they will help each other grow and achieve their goals. So they will reach both relationship happiness and success.

What do you think? Do opposite personalities attract or not? Share your experiences and thoughts with us in the comments!

Anna LeMind, B.A.

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