Emotionally intelligent people have an unseen arsenal. Well, they have the ability to logically charm and reason their way through almost any issue.

I think the major trick used by emotionally intelligent people is self-control. They have so much self-control that negative situations don’t automatically shake their deepest feelings. Arguments become an equation they must solve, and not a nerve-wracking situation that leaves scars.

Their objective is winning the argument, but, of course, in the nicest way possible.

Secrets Emotionally Intelligent People Use to Handle Arguments

I admire an emotionally intelligent person, as I can lose my cool easily sometimes. I am hotheaded. There, I said it. So, what sort of tricks are these guys playing, you might ask? Let’s take a look.

1. Use small talk

Most arguments rarely include small talk. Let’s face it, if one of your friends is mad at you, then they probably don’t care about the weather or current events. Hey, but emotionally intelligent people are going to make small talk, anyway.

If you want to be more emotionally intelligent, instead of jumping right into the argument, take some time to say “Hello, it’s nice to see you”. It’s so much harder for someone to be insulting when you say something nice, you know. And yes, confusion may be their first response to this too.

2. Tap into positivity

When you’re in a disagreement with another person, attempt to tap into their positivity. Yeah, they may be angry or frustrated about something, but deep down, there is still a positive seed.

Smile at them. A smile can change the atmosphere and even make the other party reconsider their own standpoints. Smiling can even make people forget why they are angry for a moment. This moment may just give them the time they need to cool down and think straight.

3. Manage thoughts

An emotionally intelligent person can manage their thoughts. While most of us get into arguments and our thoughts become cluttered, this individual already has the end goal of the confrontation in mind. They also consider all possibilities and questions, with choices and answers for those situations.

With all these things cataloged and ready to go, emotionally intelligent people can stop an argument before it even starts. This is a win right from the start.

4. Control reactions

win arguments

Every action has a reaction, right? Yes, it does. However, reactions do not have to be inflated and dramatized. This is how a person loses an argument really fast. How you react to accusations or insults shows your inner strength.

Emotionally intelligent people have a firm foundation of feelings, primed for proper reaction. They are not easily angered or get their feelings hurt by what someone else says. They understand that their reactions are powerful if used in the correct way — these individuals are stable, logical, and calm.

5. Try on perspectives

An emotionally intelligent person isn’t always right, and they know that. So, another trick they utilize to handle arguments is they strive to see other’s perspectives. They know that everyone is an individual with personal ideas, morals, and beliefs.

With that being said, people with stable emotions believe that a person’s perspectives should be respected and considered. This also means that it’s profitable to have an open mind without judgment.

During an argument, they can listen to the other person and understand where they’re coming from, possibly coming to an agreement.

6. Leverage emotions (both yours and theirs)

One of the tricks of an emotionally intelligent person is the ability to leverage emotions. When you leverage emotions, you essentially try to bring out the feelings that are most useful for each situation in an argument.

If you need the other person to laugh, then you bring that out by telling a joke to lighten the mood. You can call it a step up from just offering a smile. You can also leverage your own emotions when needed, tapping into happiness or contentedness at will.

7. They do not pretend

Emotionally intelligent people are also rather honest people when it comes to revealing how much they know. In an argument, you’ll not see them proclaiming things without proof.

So many of us, when in heated arguments, will say untrue things to other people, and this just enrages them more. Being honest during a confrontation can make the other person pause and consider how they should react to the truth.

Truth is powerful, and emotionally intelligent people are aware of this.

8. Strengths and weaknesses

One other vital thing to remember is that emotionally intelligent people know their strengths and weaknesses, including triggers. They understand when to speak and when to listen, according to their vulnerabilities.

During confrontations, they already know how to respond to threats against certain parts of their character. They are also aware of just how resilient those strong places are.

Let’s Try to Be More Emotionally Intelligent!

I think that if we all try to be more emotionally intelligent, we can stop so many confrontations before they start. It just makes sense.

I remember my father telling me about the fist fights he got into as a young man, and how he lost them most of the time. I asked him why. He said,

“I don’t know, I was just furious at the moment.”

You see, losing your temper with a head full of conflicting emotions and ideas, yeah, that’s not the winning recipe. It’s so much better to be, you guessed it, cool, calm, and collected.

I think we all can learn so much from emotionally intelligent people and how they handle arguments. But I also think, if anyone is a hothead, there’s hope of getting better. I know I’m still working on it.

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This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Eddie

    Great post Sherrie!
    I would like to add a #9!
    #9. Emotionally intelligent people know when an argument can NOT be won. Certain subjects like religion and beliefs are not open to reasoning. Certain subjects although not about religion, have practically turned into passionate beliefs and are therefore best left alone. Beliefs can NOT be changed with reasoning and intelligent discussions at an acceptable and worthwhile price if at all! It is important to understand your partner in an argument. If you do not see signs of a emotionally Intelligent person, just agree to disagree and run!!

    1. Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

      This is absolutely correct. One of the key signs that you should stop trying to talk to them is when they just start yelling and talking over you. Let’s say you’re in a relationship and you have an issue with something the other person did, and you wish to talk to them about it. Another sign that this discussion is a losing argument is when they bring up something you’ve done in the past. They defect, they lie, and they play the victim. You cannot communicate with a person like this.

      You make a great additional point here.

  2. Kelly T

    I think a better title should be “techniques”, not tricks. Emotionally intelligent people don’t generally resort to tricking others.

    1. Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

      Of course, and they’re not “tricks” in the way you may have taken this. These are actually techniques, but they can be tricky, even for the most intelligent of us. No matter how smart you are, it can still be tricky to handle arguments with emotionally toxic individuals. They are good at what they do, almost perfecting their ability to create chaos in favor of themselves.

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