I often have dreams about an ex I don’t talk to anymore, and I’ve got a pretty good idea why. Our split was acrimonious; he was controlling and coercive and he damaged my self-esteem.
Freud thought dreams reveal hidden feelings. Dreams express our unresolved issues and desires. So, if you wonder what dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore means, here are 9 possible reasons:
9 reasons why you are dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore
1. You’ve been thinking about your ex
An obvious reason for dreaming about an ex is they’ve crossed your mind recently. Perhaps your current partner has said or done something that triggered thoughts of your ex.
Maybe it’s the time of year you associate with your ex, or you heard a song or watched a film that reminds you of them. Or I wonder if you’re having doubts about breaking up with your ex.
Think about why your ex came into your thoughts. It might be something simple or that you have unresolved issues.
2. You didn’t get the chance to state your feelings
Speaking of unresolved issues, people pop into our dreams because our subconscious is trying to make sense of our feelings. Your conscious mind may not want to deal with issues in the relationship. However, these issues are bubbling away under the surface.
When my last serious relationship failed, I didn’t say how I felt. I wanted to tell my ex how his actions affected me. Now, if I dream about my ex, I recognize these angry feelings. I look at where I am now. I remind myself I don’t need him to hear me out, or to get his explanation or apology.
3. You still have feelings for your ex
Dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore can mean you have feelings for them. Think about the context of the dream.
Was it romantic or sexual? Did you get back together with your ex? Were you on a date or living together? All these scenarios suggest you’re still attracted to your ex. If the dream wasn’t romantic or sexual, it could mean there’s something about your ex you miss.
Were they tactile and you miss the physical aspect of the relationship? Perhaps they were practical or dealt with the finances and you’re struggling on your own?
Dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore doesn’t mean you want them back. They could represent something you’re missing.
4. The relationship still damages you
If you suffered abuse or trauma during the relationship, you can harbor fears and emotions. Stress and worry during the day can manifest into dreams and nightmares.
What was your ex doing in the dream? Was s/he angry with you, shouting at you, abusing you, or ignoring you? These are all signs you’re still processing what happened during the relationship.
I sometimes dream I’m living in my ex-partner’s house without his knowledge and I’m afraid he’ll come home and find me there. When we were together, he would accuse me of flirting and cheating behind his back. I always felt guilty, even though I’d done nothing wrong.
Remember, dreaming is a safe way of processing fears and trauma.
5. The breakup was sudden without explanation
As human beings, we want answers and closure. It allows us to move on with our lives. When relationships end suddenly and without explanation, our mind works overtime to find out why.
Was there something you did? Why didn’t your ex tell you why they ended things? Are you not worth an explanation? Not knowing the reason a relationship breaks up leaves you with doubt and lingering questions. Your dreams are processing what happened to you as a part of healing.
6. Your ex symbolizes something else
Dream analysis suggests that people and objects can represent something else. Objects can have literal meanings and people can symbolize feelings or situations.
Consider how you feel when you think about your ex. Do you feel happy? Stressed or worried? Anxious and unsure? Now think about what is happening in your life. How do you feel about a current situation or the people in your life? Is there any correlation between your feelings about your ex and your waking life?
7. You feel hurt and are angry with your ex
Breaking up can feel like a bereavement. We experience feelings of grief and despair, especially if we didn’t want the relationship to end.
Recurring dreams about an ex can mean you’re still upset and angry with how things ended. When someone breaks our heart, we experience a range of emotions. We feel deep loss, desolation, helplessness, and even rage.
Your dreams are gently telling you it’s time to let go. Move on. Being angry at someone only hurts you. If you can’t move forward, perhaps it’s time to think about therapy, which can help process your thoughts.
8. You regret how you behaved with your ex
So far, I’ve been examining dreams about an ex you don’t talk to anymore, as if the breakup was not your choice. However, sometimes we regret the way we ended the relationship.
Did you take the easy way out and text or leave a voice message ending it? Maybe you ghosted your ex or kept provoking arguments to end it?
No one is perfect, and feeling guilt over your actions shows you are human. This dream is asking you to reflect on your actions and be more considerate in the future.
9. You are still in love with your ex
A simple explanation for dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore is that you’re still in love with them. This is true if your dreams revolve around getting back together or going out on dates. However, you might just be dreaming about your ex because you broke up recently and the breakup is still fresh in your mind.
Having recurring dreams of reuniting with your ex doesn’t mean this is a good thing or a possibility. Think about why you broke up. Was this person your soulmate? Did they deserve you? Are you just clinging on because you don’t want to be alone?
Final thoughts
We dream about issues that concern and occupy our minds. Dreams are a way of analyzing wishes and desires buried deep within our subconscious.
To understand why you are dreaming about an ex you don’t talk to anymore, examine the context of the dream and look for hidden meanings within the symbolism. Only then you can analyze your dream and make sense of it.
References:
- sleepfoundation.org
- healthline.com
- Featured image by Freepik
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You are certainly right about the anger & rage part. I have learned that my dreams never lie to me, even when I don’t want to see the truth. My ex & I had a very bad break up. It actually started out okay, of course there were tears and sadness, but when we’d run into each other it was cordial after the initial ackwardness.
That all changed when I learned what she’d done to my personal effects that were irreplaceable and of no value to anyone but me.
One of the dreams I had was of me doing harm to her. I’m an easy going, laid back kind of guy who has never been able to hold a grudge even when someone deserved it. But I couldn’t believe the brutality of this dream. I woke up thinking “That came out of my mind?”
I’m am getting better, but I still have a ways to go yet, but I listen to the insight my dreams give me into myself.