Are they really friends, if they are friends who take advantage of you? I think not. The good news is, that you can identify them by what they say.
In one word, I can explain what these “so-called” friends do: manipulation. That’s it! But sometimes manipulation is difficult to pinpoint. The fact is, you need to be able to recognize the way manipulation is used to craft phrases or statements. It’s done to fool you.
What friends who take advantage of you say
These friends who take advantage of you create interesting statements. These phrases seem so innocent that even the smartest of us fall prey to them sometimes. Friends who take advantage of you understand that words must work like honey, charming you into doing whatever is needed or wanted.
So, many of these phrases aren’t inherently mean. But the poison lies just underneath the surface.
1. “You’re such a good friend”
Of course, on a surface level, this seems fine. However, the context of this statement and the person saying it carry much weight.
Taken at face value, this statement is sweet and innocent. But if you consider this statement from another perspective, it can be an opener to asking a favor. Why wouldn’t you want to do something for someone who thinks you’re just the best friend ever? In my slang, it’s called, “buttering up”.
2. “My life sucks”
Some people get depressed and say this because they feel bad. I get it. But some people say this when they want attention. It’s usually way too much attention that they crave. When they say this, they know that you’ll feel sorry for them and shower them with compliments.
It’s like when people fish for compliments on pictures they take. It is very similar to that. Yes, life sucks sometimes, but it does so for everyone equally. We all need attention and we shouldn’t be manipulative to get it.
3. “After all I’ve done for you…”
I’m just going to leave it at that. There’s no need to finish that statement because, honestly, it can be phrased in many ways. But it all means the same thing. It’s a guilt trip that friends who take advantage of you use to get their way.
They may ask many things of you, and when you say “no”, this is their response. They are taking advantage of your kindness and generosity, and if you fall for it, you’re compromising your self-worth.
4. “I never said that” or “You never told me that”
This is sometimes considered passive-aggressive behavior because it’s a form of gaslighting. But I don’t think gaslighting is always that passive.
This phrase is used by people who want to confuse you, to make you second guess yourself and turn to them for all the answers. And as you second guess one thing, they will take the opportunity to say other things that make you second guess something else.
These phrases, although they seem simple and harmless, are quite damaging.
5. “I am just a horrible person, right?”
This phrase is usually used right after you confront your friend about something they’ve done. And you probably had good reason for the confrontation too. However, a friend who takes advantage of you will strangely play the victim.
They will voluntarily produce a negative statement, basically insulting themselves. As you provide constructive criticism, they will level up and call themselves horrible or a failure. This usually ends up with you apologizing. Weird, huh?
6. “What are you talking about?”
Friends who take advantage of you will play pretend during conversations. They will act like they don’t understand you when you’re angry at them.
Let’s say this friend was supposed to meet you for lunch, but instead completely “ghosts” you. (“ghosts” meaning not returning calls or texts). When you confront them about the situation, they pretend to not remember the lunch date, or they insist that they did answer their phone or texts.
This one is so infuriating because it’s a waste of time, and it clearly shows how much they do not value your time.
7. “I would never lie to you”
Well, here’s the thing…a friend who takes advantage of you will lie. And when they say this, it should be the biggest red flag ever. This whole statement is in preparation for when they decide to do something nefarious and lie to you about it.
So, understand, that if someone isn’t a liar, they do not need to convince you of this. You will know. But if someone goes to great lengths to say this about themselves, it’s obvious that it’s one of the first of many lies they have in store.
How to deal with friends who take advantage of you
Well, you know what to do, right? In case you don’t, here are some pointers. Do you know that one friend who never seems to understand you? Well, they understand what you’re saying just fine, but they are gaslighting you.
Either you can stand your ground about what you’ve said or spend less time with them. And this goes for the friend who’s constantly talking badly about themselves and denying things.
And if they feel the need to tell you how honest they are, understand that they are probably not all that honest. And while yes, they may be good friends with you, you’ll already know this if they are. There’s no need to try and convince someone of your character.
All these statements and phrases are simply used in manipulation to gain control. And when a friend can control you, they can take advantage of you. This should never happen.
Be blessed and be safe.
