Are you constantly being blamed for someone else’s failures and mistakes? You may be trapped in the blame game perpetrated by toxic people.
I used to think I was cursed. I used to think I could do nothing right, and would always be prone to make mistake after mistake. This is what a toxic person led me to believe, as every bad thing that happened seemed to fall on my shoulders. I was a victim of the blame game, a complicated and manipulative trick that went on for years.
I no longer blame myself for every “bad” thing that happens, in fact, I fight back against anyone who tries to blame me for their own faults. What’s more, I reach out and educate others on what sort of people are prone to do these things.
Who plays the blame game?
There are certain types of individuals who live by this rule. They are used to always getting their way, getting attention, and most of all, blaming anyone but themselves for the mishaps in their lives. Pay attention to the small details when someone tries to lay blame on you. They could be playing the blame game, and unfortunately, it could be a deep-seated part of their character. Here are a few types of people who are experts at this manipulative tactic.
The eternal “victim”
If you’ve ever met the eternal “victim,” then you know how difficult getting through to them can be. While they seem harmless at first, their words and actions can be toxic. The victim never lets go of past hurts or offenses, always blaming others for their inability to move forward in life.
The “victim” will blame even the most obvious of their own flaws on anyone they can reach or talk to. If they have an angry outburst, it is because of the abuse they suffered in childhood. If they steal, it’s because of their misfortune in the past that has lead them to a life of crime, etc. etc. They will relay sob stories and if you have ever failed them, they will remind you, for many years to come, of your failure. The blame game comes naturally to their mentality.
This character is one of the most toxic manipulators. The narcissist thrives off attention, and when they fail to get that attention, then they generally move on. They also thrive off the blame game. A narcissist is never wrong and anything that happens to them is never their fault. The reason for this is because this type of person wants you to believe they are superior, even though deep down inside, they know they’re not.
They feel the depths of their inferiority like no other. Honestly, they are crippled by low self-esteem and will do anything to prove the opposite. This includes never taking responsibility for their actions. They are dangerous and unhealthy people to be around.
Okay, there’s not much elaboration to be had when it comes to this individual. The pathological liar will lie about anything, even if they don’t really feel it’s necessary to do so. Even the small things will be reason enough to be untruthful. So, using the blame game on others seems quite fitting for them.
Since they lie all the time, blaming their failures on others will be as simple as doing whatever it takes to make the blame stick. They will resort to stealing if they have to, in order to match their lies to the facts. It’s amazing how creative a pathological liar can get when shifting blame to someone who just isn’t responsible in the least.
Those with low self-esteem
This one is a little trickier to understand. People with low self-esteem would seem like the last ones who you’d think would shift blame. However, sometimes the self-esteem falls so low that, in defense, these individuals may desperately try the blame game in order to improve their self-image.
I must admit, I have been guilty of this one myself. As my self-esteem dropped, I found myself looking for reasons to pull others down with me. I felt that doing so would elevate how I felt about myself. Unfortunately, this didn’t work and ultimately lead to worse feelings after the blame game ended.
Then you have the arrogant or egotistical individual who will always play the blame game. This is usually an everyday activity for this character, walking around with an inflated ego and placing the responsibility for their actions on everyone else. In doing so, the arrogant person is able to retain their elevated status, as a self-proclaimed superior human being.
It’s easy to recognize an arrogant person, as well. They tend to flaunt their abilities at blaming others and make no move to improve themselves or try to be better people. I believe those who are arrogant are some of the hardest people to reach when it comes to making them face responsibilities.
Okay, yes, I said it. You might not have bad intentions and you might absolutely hate those words I just used, but control freaks will never be at blame for anything. Why? Because to admit failure would be to lose control of the situation and of yourself. People who always want to retain control will be prone to play the blame game as well.
How can we stop playing this game?
Unfortunately, some people may never stop playing the blame game, and this grieves my heart. I remember trying to convince certain individuals in my life that they should take responsibility for the mistakes they made, and this only angered them and caused resentment.
If you are willing, however, to look at yourself with fresh eyes, then there is hope. There may also be others whom you know that suffer from this “blame game” mentality, and there are ways to help.
One of the first and most important steps in ending the blame game is to admit you could possibly be wrong! Yes, it’s true! That mistake that was made could actually be your fault! Admitting your responsibility opens the way for a change. This is where we start, and now’s the time to drop the manipulative tactics.
One of the most fulfilling parts of life is being able to see things in different perspectives. If you struggle with understanding why someone is telling you that you made a mistake, then maybe you cannot see things in any other perspective other than your own view. It’s times to see things through other people’s eyes for a change.
Stop trying to control everything around you. You will never be able to fix, find, save, or know everything, so get over it. When you learn to release a little control, then you will be able to take the blame when something is your fault.
Basically, it’s time to take responsibility for your own actions. You are an adult and fully capable of making mistakes and owning up to those mistakes. Instead of spending so much energy looking for a way to deny your issues, use that same energy to become better at your downfalls.
I hope this helps you understand others and yourself as well. Be strong, and refuse to play the blame game! Be blessed!
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This Post Has 11 Comments
Thank you for sharing this info on toxic people, I use a chat site and I come across many of them. I just see them as bullies. The points you mentioned will allow me to teach others so they are armed against the Toxics
keep up the good work
OUTSTANDING READ. I’m just now coming to terms with the results of a toxic relationship. While I see alot of all of these traits in my ex–partner (in every category), I also can identify with a unhealthy degree of the arrogant/control freak in myself. The combination of this pairing can never produce positive outcomes as my experience attests. Thank you for the insight. I for one am going to make sure that my future (and my son’s) are no longer crippled by my failings to see others and myself correctly.
Thank you Sherrie. This article helps a lot of people who experience and encounter with Toxic People. Sadly, I experienced this from a close friend, they will play victim and angry at you, once you confront with their hurtful words. They will be the one blaming you that it’s your fault and being paranoid and too sensitive just because you confront of them. When I learned to walk away, they will act as if they did not hurt you and they will complain how many times they need to be sorry for. You can’t just feel any sincerity with their apologies and Toxic person will dismiss right away your conversation when your just explaining why your hurt. For me, it was best to remove and stay away with these Toxic person. In reality, it’s really hard since once she was my close friend but realizing they don’t respect you and putting the blame on you. Just walk away and don’t confront anymore. Because no matter how you want to save your friendship. It’s not healthy anymore and live a life with peace of mind.
I know someone that has all these traits. Is it possible for one person to have all of these traits? He is saying he is depressed and sick of life but blaming person A to a point that person A is going into a big depression. Person a is always apologizing and finding ways to make up for things that were never intentional and at this point never done.
Thank you. My younger brother constantly needs my help then when I give it, whether it is financial, accommodation or any other fix he is in, it always, always ends up my fault. We can be in different countries and a delayed flight could cause his anger because I suggested he catch it! This has been the case for 40 years and every time I say never again but he reels me in every time! No more – your article has helped and I now recognise him as a narcissist although at 55 he has no support network if not for me but this cannot continue.
Thank you Sherrie, very spot on. The best thing to take away from this (= when you realize you’re stuck in the blame game) is to get out. People who do this, will never be open to hearing you. They will never take responsibility for their actions nor lives, and so you will forever be their excuse for everything going wrong or not working out. Show yourself some appreciation and get out.
youre so righteous sherrrie,youve never blamed anybody for anything always taking full responsibility for your actions.blaming millions of immigtants who shouldn’t be here for stealing the job you wanted doesn’t make sense,i was the one at fault,these millions of freeloading bugeating foriegners have just as much right to be here as I do,am I right sherrie?thats just one example.people hAve a right to be mad these days dont try making it out like people who are angry are the problem,people who call others “toxic” are liberal snowflakes..people blame others because they need to be blamed and are probably in some shape or form responsible.so stop saying complainers are toxic,they are necessary to see a different perspective on the situation at hand.people label others who are uncooperative,free thinking,and based on reality ,”toxic” they are just keeping it real,and labeling them toxic gives you an excuse to shun their opinions.you can learn a lot from complainers.and most are just like anyone else.they just don’t go around dreaming of unicorns and gumdrops all day.
I have had old friends in my recent past who make up blames and lies about me and soon they abandon me . But I did not make the action moves as far as raping my old friend’s ex gf and hitting on another old friend’s ex gf. I’m falsely blame for things that I did not do and then later they won’t anything to do with me. Especially how one of my old friend’s was caught cheating by her bf while I was opening the locked door to go home that night for work the next day and I was accuse that I disrespectivly start the situation but I was leaving for work the next day . And then she abandon me too. Why not people can face the truth compare to their blind lies that’s like dumb vs. smart these days.
Sharing my sad and traumatizing experience!
I have this guy in my life who we dated for three yrs and got married its been 9 yrs now. But you know what ? This guy is toxic, self centered and even manipulative and ego all combined. when I am wrong I apologize, when he is wrong I also have to apologize or else we will never be in talking terms (i.e.. there is a time we did not talk or see me for seven good months). He tortured me emotionally and psychologically we even got to a situation where he will always be around and not talk to me. He will never smile around me but when he receives calls from friends he will be lol. I will beg for him to tell me what the problem is and he wont. I would break down even before him he will just watch me cry and look at me angrily. I will talk to people and he will get mad at me for taking our issues outside. Now the other day I had I texted and told me I wronged him five years ago and he has been holding to that! Five years! I got completely shuttered!
My ex husband always blamed me for being pregnant! Seems to me that he was to blame. Never wanted our lovely children.