If I asked you to describe a drama queen, you’d probably say attention-seeking, hysterical and makes a huge fuss about things.

You might even know a drama queen and view their behaviour as a little irritating but hardly cause for concern. But what if I told you that drama queens use their unreasonable behaviour in order to control you? Am I the one who is being dramatic or is there any truth in this suggestion? Let’s have a look at what behaviours we are talking about and how it can be controlling.

We all have a need for attention and validation. It is human nature to want recognition and confirmation that we are decent, well-liked people. Validation of our characters is a kind of feedback from our friends and family. It makes us feel worthy and important within our social circles.

Someone who is well-balanced and confident accepts this validation whenever it comes along. They do not need to manufacture it or encourage it with their own behaviours.

Someone with low self-esteem who is not that confident may offset these feelings of inadequacy. They might create situations where they are the ones in the centre of everyone’s attention. So how can we spot these types of situations?

What sort of things will a drama queen do to control you?

  1. They have to be the centre of attention

This is the biggest clue that you are dealing with a drama queen. A drama queen craves the attention and spotlight. They do not care how they achieve it, but the attention-seeking behaviour is as natural as breathing to them.

They will feel as if they have an entitlement to all this attention and that no one else matters. While they are claiming this attention, any problems you might be having are deemed as unimportant.

  1. They make everything personal

Anything that happens in the world will personally affect a drama queen. You know the types, the ones who post on social media after a tragedy about their feelings and how it has affected them. In their minds, everything is about them, and they will take the slightest comment or action and turn it into their own personal story.

By making everything personal, you are always in second place in the hierarchy.

  1. They blow everything out of proportion

The slightest little thing that the majority of us will just brush off as a minor incident is a major catastrophe for the drama queen. Whether it is getting the wrong sandwich at lunch or spilling wine on a rug, everything is a huge deal.

They love to make the smallest issue into the biggest drama. While they are doing this, however, any problems you might want to talk about are forgotten.

  1. They stir up dramatic situations

A drama queen will create situations that allow them to shine. They will manipulate and gossip in order to help these situations grow and then stand back and watch the drama unfold. They will then present themselves as the saviour or the only one who understands both sides.

This is a classic control tactic. Whilst you are preoccupied with dealing with the fallout, they are sitting back and watching it.

  1. They love to gossip about others

We all like a good gossip about the people around us, but the drama queen instigates and then uses this gossip to manipulate others. Not only that, but they love to be the catalyst that starts off this gossip. They love the sound of their own voice and by constantly starting rumours, they are at the forefront of this gossip.

Gossip can be particularly damaging and is often used by bullies as a method of controlling others.

  1. They will immerse themselves in other people’s dramas

It won’t matter to them if the drama has nothing to do with them, they will want to be involved in whatever is going on. They insert themselves into other people’s problems, making out that they can help them or by living vicariously through them. By doing this, they force the person to whom the drama is actually about to take a back seat.

  1. They are critical of everyone and everything

Criticising comes second nature to these types of people. Nothing is good enough for them and they act like the authoritative voice on whatever subject comes up.

Your views and ideas are irrelevant. They are the expert, they know perfection when they see it.

  1. They are fussy about everything

A drama queen will be a picky eater, be fussy about clothes, friends and expect perfection. They are the ones that will send back their food in a restaurant, will complain to the concierge at a hotel, or drive sales assistants mad.

While they are demanding perfection, you, on the other hand, are left out in the cold. Your needs are not even contemplated.

  1. They are obsessed with looking perfect

A drama queen will post many selfies on social media and they will all look perfect. They will obsess about every last detail, from perfect hair to immaculate nails and make-up. All this preening and posing leaves little time for friends or family.

  1. They are hysterical about the tiniest things

The smallest situation will be enough to set off the drama queen. They will be constantly in tears, storming out of meetings, or throwing their toys out of the pram.

Their default setting is ‘stressed out and you never know when they are going to erupt next. Living with this kind of temperamental person is not only controlling but extremely draining.

By learning to spot the signs of a drama queen, you can finally take back control of your life.


  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com

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This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Angelo Karageorgos

    Very nice description of the characteristics! I’d say we’d better stay away when we notice those in someone around us!

  2. Irina Koleva

    I’m the just opposite. Drama queens (andthe kings) are really annoying!!! There are such girls in my school and:
    1. They manipulate me and I become their loyal bff, because I feel sorry for them. The important thing is that when you don’t know a person well, but wanna be their friend and they start dramatizing, you want to say that’s foolish, but you keep your mouth closed to be kind and let them squeeze your energy and lie you.

    2. I get angry at them. That’s exhausting!

    3. I’m not cross to the drama queen anymore. We talk about homework and play together during the PE lesson as normal classmates. We even become FB friends. But when the drama begins, what happens? Well, I’m not there. I go out, happy and free, and don’t care about all the drama in the world.

    It’s important to remember that even when I and the drama queen are in good relation, they’re NOT my friend. Forgiving people like me are easy to forget that, but up to now I haven’t😉😊

  3. John Doe

    Is there a doctor in the house for these type of women?

  4. Jeanie

    I know someone who lives in a neighborhood controlled by a drama queen. This particular drama queen (a woman in her 40’s) has caused all kinds of problems with people in the neighborhood. She clearly loves stirring things up and then pretending she’s the victim when people won’t put up with her garbage. Her husband enables her behavior by running around gossiping about whomever his wife is picking on at the time. Even more maddening are her idiot friends who believe all her lies and help in spreading untrue rumors and yelling profanities. To top it off the drama queen is a HOA trustee and uses her position to play her games. The HOA meetings are nothing but gossip sessions whereby she again pretends to be the victim, empowered by her captive audience of misfits. More than likely she has been like this since childhood and has a track record of blowing everything out of proportion in order to get attention. At one meeting she claimed someone on the street had threatened her life. More than likely that someone got fed up with her nasty attitude and talked back to her. I agree, it’s all about control with drama queens. If someone doesn’t fall down and worship the dirty ground she walks on, she’ll be forever trashing them and looking for ways to hurt them. Those she’s needlessly picked fights with are delighted that she’s put on over a hundred pounds and probably won’t live to see 50.

  5. DaddyD

    Born and raised to be a drama queen 🤴. Blessed

  6. connie

    My daughter in law is a drama queen and causes problem with my son and our family. It makes it hard to be around her but we try to be nice to her to keep peace in the family.

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