If I asked you to describe a drama queen, you’d probably say attention-seeking, hysterical and makes a huge fuss about things.
You might even know a drama queen and view their behaviour as a little irritating but hardly cause for concern. But what if I told you that drama queens use their unreasonable behaviour in order to control you? Am I the one who is being dramatic or is there any truth in this suggestion? Let’s have a look at what behaviours we are talking about and how it can be controlling.
We all have a need for attention and validation. It is human nature to want recognition and confirmation that we are decent, well-liked people. Validation of our characters is a kind of feedback from our friends and family. It makes us feel worthy and important within our social circles.
Someone who is well-balanced and confident accepts this validation whenever it comes along. They do not need to manufacture it or encourage it with their own behaviours.
Someone with low self-esteem who is not that confident may offset these feelings of inadequacy. They might create situations where they are the ones in the centre of everyone’s attention. So how can we spot these types of situations?
What sort of things will a drama queen do to control you?
They have to be the centre of attention
This is the biggest clue that you are dealing with a drama queen. A drama queen craves the attention and spotlight. They do not care how they achieve it, but the attention-seeking behaviour is as natural as breathing to them.
They will feel as if they have an entitlement to all this attention and that no one else matters. While they are claiming this attention, any problems you might be having are deemed as unimportant.
They make everything personal
Anything that happens in the world will personally affect a drama queen. You know the types, the ones who post on social media after a tragedy about their feelings and how it has affected them. In their minds, everything is about them, and they will take the slightest comment or action and turn it into their own personal story.
By making everything personal, you are always in second place in the hierarchy.
They blow everything out of proportion
The slightest little thing that the majority of us will just brush off as a minor incident is a major catastrophe for the drama queen. Whether it is getting the wrong sandwich at lunch or spilling wine on a rug, everything is a huge deal.
They love to make the smallest issue into the biggest drama. While they are doing this, however, any problems you might want to talk about are forgotten.
They stir up dramatic situations
A drama queen will create situations that allow them to shine. They will manipulate and gossip in order to help these situations grow and then stand back and watch the drama unfold. They will then present themselves as the saviour or the only one who understands both sides.
This is a classic control tactic. Whilst you are preoccupied with dealing with the fallout, they are sitting back and watching it.
They love to gossip about others
We all like a good gossip about the people around us, but the drama queen instigates and then uses this gossip to manipulate others. Not only that, but they love to be the catalyst that starts off this gossip. They love the sound of their own voice and by constantly starting rumours, they are at the forefront of this gossip.
Gossip can be particularly damaging and is often used by bullies as a method of controlling others.
They will immerse themselves in other people’s dramas
It won’t matter to them if the drama has nothing to do with them, they will want to be involved in whatever is going on. They insert themselves into other people’s problems, making out that they can help them or by living vicariously through them. By doing this, they force the person to whom the drama is actually about to take a back seat.
They are critical of everyone and everything
Criticising comes second nature to these types of people. Nothing is good enough for them and they act like the authoritative voice on whatever subject comes up.
Your views and ideas are irrelevant. They are the expert, they know perfection when they see it.
They are fussy about everything
A drama queen will be a picky eater, be fussy about clothes, friends and expect perfection. They are the ones that will send back their food in a restaurant, will complain to the concierge at a hotel, or drive sales assistants mad.
While they are demanding perfection, you, on the other hand, are left out in the cold. Your needs are not even contemplated.
They are obsessed with looking perfect
A drama queen will post many selfies on social media and they will all look perfect. They will obsess about every last detail, from perfect hair to immaculate nails and make-up. All this preening and posing leaves little time for friends or family.
They are hysterical about the tiniest things
The smallest situation will be enough to set off the drama queen. They will be constantly in tears, storming out of meetings, or throwing their toys out of the pram.
Their default setting is ‘stressed out’ and you never know when they are going to erupt next. Living with this kind of temperamental person is not only controlling but extremely draining.
By learning to spot the signs of a drama queen, you can finally take back control of your life.