If you feel like you don’t matter, first, you’re not alone. I think we all have these feelings from time to time.
We are individuals, and we struggle with various things, be it depression or just a small amount of stress. However, there are times when the dark seems a little bit darker than usual, and we feel like we have no purpose. I get it.
When You Feel Like You Don’t Matter, Keep in Mind These Things
And no matter how confident you are, there will be cracks that open and place doubts in your mind. When this happens, it’s good to keep in mind a few things that can help build you back up. You matter, and to stay strong, you must remember these things.
1. Someone thinks you matter
In some of the darkest times of my life, I’ve wanted to give up. I’ve even attempted to give up. But every time I took actions like this or thought like this, I would also remember those who need me.
I don’t deal with many people in my life, but I have a handful of individuals that are family or considered family. I would wonder how my giving up would affect them. I understood then that it would hurt them more with me gone than with me trying.
I even reached as far as those who read my work and thank me for helping them by related to their own pain. So, with everything in mind, I realized that I truly did matter, at least a little bit to those that needed me. To them, I mattered, and so to me, I also matter.
You matter too because someone needs you.
2. You won the race!
When the sperm raced toward the egg, only one broke through and caused fertilization. And that became you! You won the race, only you, and so you must matter. There was a reason that everything mixed exactly right to create such a beautiful person.
Each and every one of us is a winner, you see. Hey, it’s simple, but it’s still a fact. It would have been so easy to be someone else, but you weren’t. You are you, and you matter every day that you live and breathe, and even after.
3. Stop seeing rejection as failure
So what? You didn’t get that raise. And maybe you were dumped, ghosted, or lied about. Does this mean you failed? No, it does not.
Maybe the company rejected your request for more money, and yes, maybe the guy you thought was your soulmate rejected you as a partner. These things happen. People ghost others all the time, and they lie to them too. But this is not failure. Let me tell you what it is, and why it means you matter even more.
If you flip things around and see them from a unique perspective, you will recognize rejection as an opportunity to get away from something, or receive something better, or learn something about people or yourself.
Maybe if someone is telling lies about you, then this is a chance to grow stronger in confidence despite opposition. While some things that people think matter, not everything does. But one thing is for certain, though rejected, you did not fail, and it’s not a valid reason to feel like you don’t matter.
4. Tell your inner voice to shut up sometimes
If you’re anything like me, you struggle with muting that negative inner voice. It says you’re ugly, you’re dumb, you’re not good enough… shall I go on? No, this is enough of a reminder.
I wouldn’t want to wake that nefarious voice inside you. Instead, I want to help you learn how to make him shut up. Because he’s ignorant and has no idea of your true worth. Therefore, there’s so much talk about getting to know your true self. When you know him, the critical voice means nothing… it’s lies.
One of the worst things I see every day is the comparisons that people do to themselves. They look at photoshopped images, pictures with heavy filters, and people wearing tons of makeup, and they compare their down days to these things.
The inner voice says,
“I wish I was that pretty.”
And the truth is, you are. What you compare yourself with, in these situations, are masks, so tell the inner voice to shut up and practice being kind to you. Then you can let it talk more often.
5. You can learn confidence if you don’t have it
When I was in my twenties, I was easily swayed by the opinion of others. I started to believe lies about myself that others told me. My self-esteem was already damaged from high school.
But, when I divorced and moved out on my own, I had the opportunity to meet a person known as “ME.” Maybe not everyone can live alone for a while, but it helped me.
There are other ways to get to know yourself, like spending lots of time alone, taking long walks, meditation, prayer, and other quiet ways. You can learn over time to be more confident, and while you’re doing this, refuse to believe negative things about yourself until you’ve analyzed them in your alone time.
It’s difficult, but it’s worth it. And you will understand why you matter.
6. You don’t have to be fixed
It’s become popular in today’s society to accept the title of “broken.” “Damaged” is another title we love to give ourselves as an excuse to stay in the pits of hell.
Well, to be honest, we are all a bit broken or damaged, because no one was ever a perfect parent, while some were worse than others. But just because we may be a little out of sorts, doesn’t mean we need to be fixed. Because if we always think we need to be fixed, and we never completely repaired, then we think we don’t matter.
Yes, we should seek therapy when we need to, support from friends too, but we should stop trying to fix everything and realize that we, just as we are, are important.
You matter, even if there’s a rift between you and your children. Even if your marriage is crumbling. Even if you’re treated unfairly at work. No matter what keeps trying to fix you, realize you don’t need it, and you’re fine with a few cracks here and there.
7. You’re not alone
Like I’ve said before and many times in other places, you’re not alone. I am filled with doubts too. I have trouble sleeping because of past traumas, and I really don’t know where I’ll be this time next year. There are so many unsettled things within me that make me feel like I don’t really matter to the world sometimes.
But I must remind myself that I am not alone in the things that I deal with. Neither are you. It may feel lonely sometimes when the hurt seems unbearable, but remember, you matter, and I matter. And across this world, we’re connected.
8. Own your mistakes and bad choices without judgment
When you mess up in life, you may feel like you don’t matter, especially when it’s a choice that hurts other people. But you cannot keep condemning yourself for the things you’ve done that weren’t so savory.
Be it a mistake or a choice, just like forgiving others, you must forgive yourself. Instead of throwing a mental self-sabotaging party, try analyzing your mistakes and bad choices.
You see, you can learn from what you’ve done wrong and even repair some things that may still linger concerning your negative actions or words from the past.
Don’t pass harsh judgment on yourself when you could spend this time doing good things for others. You matter just as much today, as before you made those choices and mistakes. Nothing’s changed in who you really are.
You Will Always Matter, Even If You Feel Like You Don’t
Sometimes people say terrible things about themselves because they want attention. But other times, many of us really think we do not matter. Both groups of people matter, and they must be approached in diverse ways. If you’re struggling with self-esteem issues or abuse, remember this.
You matter, and you always will. Let this be the foundation of your life.
