Although the majority of people marry or live with their partner, there are those who stay single forever. A great number of these singles are that way by choice.
It doesn’t really matter if you have an intimate partner or if you stay single forever. It’s your choice. However, there are sad reasons why so many wonderful people choose to go through life on their own. Whether it’s indeed by choice or circumstances, that just happens that way.
Why do great people stay single?
Remaining single is not always because you just can’t find a partner. Oh no, sometimes, you just don’t want one. Can you believe it? There are actually people who prefer being alone because their own company is hard to beat. But for now, let’s look at a few sad reasons why so many great people stay single forever.
1. You crave being alone
Being alone isn’t a bad thing. Taking time for yourself is healthy and helps you re-energize before your next social engagement. But, if you find yourself always preferring alone time to socializing, it can become addictive.
If you’re single now, and you spend all your time alone, it’s possible that you could remain this way forever. I mean, if you’re always alone, then how can you meet someone? In some cases, too much alone time can cause depression as well.
2. Your standards are really high
Have you noticed that every person you’ve dated seems to have something you hate? Well, it could be that you’re just having a string of bad luck in the dating area. Or, it could be that your standards are way too high. Maybe you’re seeking someone who is perfect. Maybe you’re seeking yourself in another person. You may remain single for a long time if your standards are set too high.
3. There’s a fear of commitment
One sad reason great people stay single is that they fear commitment. The responsibility of trying to form a relationship and create a bond may be terrifying. This is especially true for those who still think partners are supposed to cultivate each other’s happiness. Although happiness comes from within, there are many couples who constantly work to make each other happy. For those who fear commitment, this is just too much pressure.
4. Your trust has been damaged
If a past relationship caused severe emotional trauma, then it could be difficult to trust others. Relationships require trust to be healthy, and if there is a lack of trust, there is a lot of work involved to repair this. So, many great people who’ve been betrayed prefer to stay single… sometimes forever.
5. You value friendships more
Many great people stay single forever because they simply value their friends more than intimate relationships. This can be sad, but it can also just be a personal choice. And it could be that you’re just not willing to put an intimate partner before your friends. If this is the case, being single may feel like your only option.
6. Low self-esteem
Some really good people want to be in a relationship but just have no “luck”. You may feel like no one wants you. It’s because of low self-worth and can prevent you from reaching out, socializing, and doing other things to meet new people.
Also, while you may be engaging in social activities, your negative vibes could be sending signals telling others to stay away. While there may be someone who is attracted to you, your body language and lack of eye contact will keep you from pursuing a relationship or even getting to know them.
7. You’re afraid of being vulnerable
Some truly great people stay single forever because they do not want to be vulnerable. This includes having a fear of intimacy and rejecting the love they wanted in the first place. You see, if you keep pushing intimacy away, a relationship will not form, or an existing relationship will die. It’s sad, but sometimes these great people end up alone permanently.
8. Continuous poor relationships
Unfortunately, in our quest to find love, we sometimes keep turning to toxic situations. Evaluate yourself. Have all your relationships ended up in turmoil, fighting, and discontent?
Maybe you’re stuck in a pattern of dating people that just don’t match your personality, standards, and morals. Yes, you could be settling and then realizing later that you’re not happy. This pattern can consume your life until you give up. Then you may decide to remain single for this reason.
9. You’re bitter and angry
Truly great people can become angry and bitter over time. Negative life experiences that seem to happen over and over again make some people calloused and harsh. Living a single life, to them, may seem like the best thing to do. Many great people stay single forever just because they’re holding onto anger and hurt and will not practice forgiveness.
10. You cannot move on
If a past relationship is haunting you, and you cannot let go, this is a problem. And if you cannot rekindle the relationship, for whatever reason, you’ll find yourself stuck, even living in the past. It’s possible that you will never really partake in another relationship, at least not a serious one. And so, by choice, you may stay single forever.
Being single is not a bad thing
Do not let this post discourage you. If you’re single, there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re healthy. If you’re in a relationship, that’s fine too. But you must consider the reason for either situation. Are you in a relationship because you’re scared of being alone? That’s not healthy. And likewise, are you single because you’re afraid of getting hurt? Maybe that’s not the best reason either.
So, consider this: Many great people stay single forever, but they do not have to.
I still believe in love. What about you?
After dealing with people at school, work, and at home, I choose items #1, #4, and #8 when it comes to the reasons for being single. Even if I had high self-esteem and good relationships, I would still choose to be single and wouldn’t change it for the world.
I had the opportunity to be alone for a couple of years after my first divorce. I am grateful for that time, as I learned so much about myself. There is nothing wrong with enjoying time by yourself. It’s just a choice either way. However, I think everyone should have time to get to know themselves.
One other thought: there are MANY sides to “me” – I have enjoyed several partners who reflected some “part” of myself – but none of them captured “all of me”. Most of my friends have commented on the “broad range” of boyfriends I have had – from “White” Stanford PhD’s to foreign born smart, but not formally educated guys – and several variations in between. I realize that most everyone has a wide range of “things” they are looking for in a partner – I just may take the cake for the breadth of what will make me happy.
You left out the most saddest reasons Sherri!
11- You are chasing a career and put off love and marriage till it is too late!
12- You are chasing wealth and financial freedom, and you never get around to start a family!
The most important thing of all is what is best for optimal mental health. I do think variety points toward various parts of the self. Good observation.
I feel this. I get what you are saying because I cannot seem to find the “whole” piece. Am I being too selfish and difficult? Maybe…But to me, I still retain that knight on the white horse mentality, and that too bothers me. I think everything just continually reinforces the fact that life is indeed a journey, as the destination keeps leaving me with questions.
Although I would really like to be in a good, emotionally mature relationship with a man, the search has been very disappointing the older I get. Yes, I have high self esteem and high standards but do not look for perfection in a partner. If a man is unable to treat me at least as well as my ex-husband (who was not a “saint”!), then it’s better for me to continue on alone! I enjoy my own company and if the other person cannot accept me for who I am, then I just move on, without regret! More people need to think this way!
There’s this saying, “Only be with someone who makes you happier than being alone with yourself.” But of course, that is a high standard indeed. I also heard that you should “Be with someone whose flaws are the least bothersome” or something like that. Either way, high standards or tolerable standards, it’s up to you.
I still believe in love. It can pop in anytime over the years. It’s up to you not to mess it up, for you will truly pay the price for it. I think it’s just easier to stay single.
The only way to be with someone successfully is to accept that you will not always have your way. lol
11. Divorce and family court mean if you are a man, the risks outweigh the benefits.
I can actually blame the kind of very stuck up low life loser narcissists and feminists type of women that we now have everywhere nowadays for that one as to why so many of us guys are still single today, and not at all by choice either.