Do you feel like you don’t belong here, in this world and society? You will be surprised to know that it may actually be a good thing.
We grow up believing that in order to be happy, we need to belong somewhere – a society, a country, a social circle, and finally, a family.
The desire to be a part of something bigger than ourselves seems to be our innate need, which probably has evolutionary roots (remember the well-known notion that human is a social animal?). As Wikipedia states, “belongingness is the human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group.”
But what happens in the case of people who don’t only lack this need but also feel that they don’t really fit in this world? Some individuals don’t simply consider themselves different from the rest – they actually have different tastes, ways of thinking, and priorities in life. They don’t like popular things and activities and don’t go after the goals most people pursue.
They may seem a sort of weirdos to those around them, but the truth is that there is a bright side of being a “misfit.”
Today, we will discuss four categories of people who are very likely to have a sense of detachment from the world because of their emotional and mental makeup. Moreover, it’s not a bad thing at all and is, in fact, an indication of increased awareness and sensitivity.
1. Deep thinkers
Sadly, the society we live in is giving more and more importance to primitive instincts and material needs. So it makes sense why individuals capable of deep thought may feel like they don’t belong here.
If you are a deep thinker, then you probably know what truly matters in life. That’s why seeing people around you chasing ephemeral goals and being interested in meaningless stuff is so disappointing. It’s not only disappointing – sometimes, it makes you wonder what you are doing here, among these people, and feel like you come from another world.
2. Old souls
Old souls often feel like they don’t belong here, especially when growing up. Being passionate about unpopular things may make others pick up on your differences and tease you for it. And this can be painful in your awkward childhood and teenage years, making you feel like a misfit who doesn’t have a place in this world.
In your adult years, this gap separating you from other people only becomes bigger. However, you find your path in life and don’t care the same about what they think about you.
Empaths are so sensitive to the emotions and energy of other people that they may find it uncomfortable to be around them. If you are an empath, you know that every time you watch a news broadcast or learn something sad about someone you know, you get truly upset.
All these side effects of being an empath can also provoke a sense of detachment. And it’s no surprise – there is so much greed, cruelty, and violence in today’s world that an empath may suffer, being a part of it.
4. People who experience a spiritual awakening
A spiritual awakening is a great experience that elevates you to a higher level of consciousness and turns you into a spiritually evolved being. However, it is also paired with painful feelings and experiences because fundamental changes are never easy.
Not only do you start to wonder about the existence, reconsidering your life decisions and relationships, but you may also feel detached from those around you and the world in general. It’s all because you are becoming more aware and understand things you previously turned a blind eye to.
If you feel like you don’t belong here, remember that there is nothing wrong with you.
Instead of worrying about what others think and seeking their approval, try to find your passion and life purpose. And it’s fine if it doesn’t seem attractive or “cool” to most people. The point is that it should fill your life with meaning and happiness.
Did any of the above-described things ring true for you? We would love to hear your thoughts on this.
If you are feeling like a misfit, you may want to read my recent articles that provide some guidance for coping with this emotional state:
- ‘I Don’t Belong Anywhere’: What to Do If You Feel This Way
- Do You Feel Disconnected from Reality? How to Stop Dissociation and Reconnect
- Feeling Alienated from Everyone? Why It Happens and How to Cope
When the flood of comments came in response to this article, I realized that there were far more people who felt like they didn’t belong here, in this world and society, than I had imagined.
Inspired by this fact, I wrote the book The Power of Misfits: How to Find Your Place in a World You Don’t Fit In to help all those introverts, empaths, and deep thinkers who feel alien to modern society. If you are feeling this way and are looking for answers, you may want to check my book on Amazon.
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This Post Has 208 Comments
It hurts to say this but I’m all of those and it hurts but thank you for posting this you are a great person even though I’m crying as I type this
This is the only website I have found that talks about this. I can’t explain it but everything is a haze sometimes and I feel like there is a wall separating me from the world I know I should be in. I feel depressed and my lungs feel painful because of the weight of this emotion. I sleep so that I can stay away from the world it feels like I shouldn’t be in. People tell me I need to “snap out of it” but I feel like if I do then I will lose sight of what is on the other side of that wall. I know that there is something I love there and something I miss but I’m just in the wrong place. If I close my eyes I can feel it there. The depression that people see from the outside isn’t that bad in my head. It’s actually a pleasant warmth and comfort to know such a beautiful place exists but it brings me such grief to feel like I can’t reach it. Sometimes I feel like this is all just a simulation and I need to wake up. I can’t talk to anybody because obviously I’m the only one I know who feels like none of this is real. When I talk I feel like it brings me further away from the beautiful place that I cling to. It often feels like a memory or sudden emotion brought on by color or sound. I guess people would tell me I’m high all the time even though the only things that I get high off of are my thoughts. I know I’m different but when I tell people that they think I am being full of myself. Take a look into my mind and see if you think you are the same as me.
Hi Moore, I relate to what you wrote and think what you’re longing for is your true home, the state of consciousness you experienced before you came into form. If you don’t meditate, I HIGHLY recommend doing so. This will allow you to access higher frequencies of consciousness and gain clarity in the third dimension. I also highly, highly recommend working with someone who is a skilled and gifted healer (able to work with energy and intuition as well as address psychological aspects of the human experience). The aforementioned recommendations changed my entire existence and gave me hope when I didn’t have it otherwise. This is my wish for you. YOU’RE NOT ALONE. 🙂
An old soul definitely but im thinking that’s just a small part of why I think I’m different.i found a nack in sales because I have a gift with being able to connect.there a very few humans I have not been able to not just read but see through . I not only know what there thinking but what you will say next .where your most likely from . I see your childhood . your intentions. Your current mood . a smile unlocks part of there soul whether or not there hood or bad it goes on and on what I see.it makes it incredibly easy to connect on because I can respond exactly to there needs to get the reaction I need. But extremely hard to connect on a ( real ) level. I find most ignorant . shallow uninspiring. Actually i have only met one other like me . only for a moment and did not realize that she sees what I see. The world as it is. People as they are. If this makes sense to anyone . If you see past what most see .
The post resonated with me, spoke to me directly. Then I read some of the comments. Yes I’ve felt this way too and a lot of. In fact I’ve gone through all of the 1-4 described above categories, in that order, trying to battle this; this feeling, sense, hurt of not belonging. And basically what I’ve done is fuck all: half-efforts, always not satisfied, not finishing shit, never filling myself up (with likewise effects on relationships). But now I’m starting to doubt some things – my way that is. I mean, does it not make sense that the most you “try” to fit in, the more you won’t be able to? So yeah that must be right. I guess I’ve been afraid to not be guided by others, and so live life really. I know, I know… everybody is afraid, but there always comes a point when you must learn.
Ok, skipping to the point, please listen to me. I doubt nothing, shun on nobody. With difficulty, not even me. The thing is:
If we, who have something (or a lot more) to offer, decide to leave this world, this fucking beautiful but aching world, the who the hell will be left to save it? Who will stay and fight? I just can’t bare the thought of moronic assholes and back-stabing traitors and lying smart-asses and generally all those selling their mother out for some gift of the system, I can’t stand them inheriting the earth and driving her to disaster.
If we decide, seeing and admitting the problem of the situation, to get involved with it fully consciously and seriously, then I mean, we would have strength in doing so. That’s the meaning of companionship and great causes. Me, you, her and him would be and do better. It is a choice and only a choice. But it speaks to me, this viewpoint.
Why is it not, that this world is being taking away from us?
I say these because I want to hear them myself and I need to move that way first. And I am worried of a world that seems to be being put in smaller and smaller boxes while we lose more and more options to react. Spirituality is a way to take more air, a new breath, energy, let’s open up our hearts and make it right! If it sounds classic, it’s because it has always been so. Not without new elements though. And not without some pain.
I don’t lack the need but I do feel like I don’t fit in this world, I guess changing that simple fact completely changes all your points.
To me it seems most people are motivated mainly by greed and fear, and are almost exclusively focused on themselves.
I’ve tried finding things to be passionate about and I have many but as far as I can tell they function as nothing more than a distraction from the bigger picture.
It feels like ultimately all endeavour is meaningless as is the void that we all inhabit, I understand the point of life being a journey and there never being a true goal but if that’s the case; a journey with no defined end can reach its end at any point, which ultimately deems the length irrelevant which also then compromises the point of the journey itself.
I guess what I’m saying is I’m struggling with the underlying fact that ultimately there is no purpose, seems our only option is to try and fulfil the innate needs that have been evolved into us over the last 10,000 years or so in an effort to be happy.
Let me know if you think otherwise or if you have a better option.
Well I’m not alone in my life i have a great family and friends who really love me even i have a perfect and caring boyfriend but always i feel something is missing in my hurt i feel something is not right here.yes there is a punch of people around me and i pretend to be happy but i feel alone in myself.always i think I’m different from all this people.well yes I’m a deep thinker feel old soul and so sensitive to the emotions and energy of other people I’m living in the worst country in the world i have never been free i couldn’t live my life the way i wanted and every day people are suffering in front of me at first i thought if i imagrate everything will be alright but i found out there is no way for this and I’m stuck here for ever but really i Don’t know it’s the reason or no…i always think about things that nobody can understand and I can’t live like other people i can’t understand how they are happy in this way all the same they grow up find a job find love getting married have children and every habit they have i just can’t fit in.i I’m just feeling good when I’m alone in the nature and think there is nothing in this world except me.i always pretend that I’m like theme and live my life but i know I’m different and I’m not belong to this world always I’m distract myself and live my life by sometimes it’s really hard and i can’t run away from this and right know i think i can’t do this anymore i don’t know what to do i just can’t…😭😭😭😭😭
Have always feel like I don’t belong to this world. I feel trapped in this body of mine.Then I often ask myself if I don’t belong to this world, then where do I belong? It feels like someone is waiting for me somewhere or even watching me over the years. I told this to a teacher of mine, he recommended a book to me titled The road back to you. I don’t see it impact. I find it difficult to make friends, I don’t have friends cause most people do not understand me even my siblings. And I keep distance from people. I really long to know where I truly belong.
I’ve been feeling this way for several years now. I call it feeling un-tethered but it’s also feeling distant, apart from others, feeling like there is no reason really to remain in this mortal form. I say out loud to myself, “I’m feeling weird, I think there’s something wrong with me”. Then I’ll laugh because it reminds me of that song by Drowning Pool called Bodies (“Nothing wrong with me”). I relate to that song so much in a way, but in another way I abhor it because it sounds like a mass murderer’s anthem too (“let the bodies hit the floor”) which is so not me…but the idea that it’s SOCIETY that has something wrong with it is the strongest theme for me. I’ve had so much pain. loss, grief, and trauma over the past 3 years that I’ve about come to the end of my rope… Definitely suffering from PTSD, no official diagnosis needed.
I’m a deep thinker, an old soul and recently I’ve started my spiritual awakening journey and it intensified my feelings of not belonging. But this article helped to calm me down, thank you.
I’ve felt like this my entire life. I’m a Deep Thinker and Old Soul. My wife even has a hard time understanding me and gets frustrated that I analyze things so thoroughly. The present day circumstances have been extremely difficult to deal with as it seems hypocrisy has become the way of the world and there is nothing good to look towards if people are involved. Politics are at the center of every single thing and regardless of where you stand on them you are ostracized and belittled into obscurity for not being enough X or being too much Y because nobody respects others anymore. I’m so sick of present day society and just want to escape from it all.
I’m not trying to play the violin here..but I’m an only child, 36 year old, no family that cares, and I can count two friends on my hand. Which I’m super grateful for in my life. But my two friends I do have, travel and live out of state. So, I’m truly alone. It’s been this way for the past 4 yrs.
I used to “fit in” when I was younger…but a couple years ago, I had a profound spiritual experience that has left me…well.. feeling like everyone else feels like here. I don’t belong in this time and space. This dimension. This world is beautiful, and I see the beauty in it. But to me, the only thing that makes this world so ugly is humans who don’t have a clue. Of course I feel separated from society..but I’m not ok with it. I wish I could “fit in” like I used to..but I’m not the same person as I was before. I’m wiser, and awakened. I wish I had someone to talk to (or have a connection with) on a daily basis, or even weekly. I just started a job where I work with hundreds of people, and needles to say, I have yet to connect with anyone. Everyone there (and my family) treat me like I’m an alien. I’m empathetic, I’m friendly when I do meet people, I respect people even when they don’t deserve it, I have morals and values..that just doesn’t seem to match with most others. Guess that’s just not a common/popular thing for most of society to obtain. Trying to look at this, after reading others comments, that we are….the 1% of the population.
If anyone wants to chat about this subject, my email is [email protected]
I think we should all form a group. How?
There is a group already and here it is – https://www.facebook.com/groups/629706294149180/
Hello Anna and everyone else thank you for writing this. I fit all the categories. I came across this just today when I’m feeling depressed. The last two weeks have been too overwhelming and I just want to escape from everywhere and everyone. Sometimes I think I will just take a bus to nowhere. I love silence and solitude; I’m just not sure who I am any more because I don’t fit in anywhere.
I never felt I belonged, not just because I struggle with ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc… It’s also because I was so badly bullied for being me. I don’t fit in to the capitalist system, which capitalism is connected to our bully culture and who Trump and his followers are, I’m not a traditional thinker I reject the status quo who are the rich greedy capitalists. Sadly even Christians fell down the pro capitalist conservative ideology that supports conformity to the status quo who are the one percent. I don’t even fit into the punk and skateboarding scene that there a lot of pro Trump, pro conservative a holes in the scene now… when you hear some people in the scene say “ conservatism is the new punk” and support right wing morons like Jordan Peterson… you know you don’t belong anywhere anymore. The system is rigged and I’m aware but powerless to stop it… in fact I’m being gang stalked because of it…. bullied to conform… or bullied to death because I will never conform. They Live is a documentary! Reagonomics screwed us and inflation is happening because the rich want us to be slaves!
I think I just want to marry the women who wrote this blog. I know I would disappoint her (probably just politics) because I am all of these things. But I do remember to change the toilet paper roll when it is out and I always clean up after myself. I hate that I am even searching for answers but this website proves that there is something more – for me – out there. I do… I really do believe everyone else is the problem. Then why am I typing on this website? I am in always in between a shot of tequila or reading my Bible, and I mean 24/7. I just wish I wasn’t alone when I am surrounded by people who supposedly know me but have no idea who I am. Clearly it is because I still can’t figure out myself. I’ve noticed no (or just didn’t notice) mention of the pain – of having these conditions – must have caused everyone else around us. Everyone one who has commented on this blog MUST have hurt or really disappointed so many others and not even realized that they had. Even the most lonely ,,, unless you simply dealing with physiological issues that keep you from seeing it. And for that matter, I truly doubt that person would be reading this website. I tried everything. Drugs, sex, rock n roll, Area 51, and of course religion. It’s not about economics, COVID, blah, blah, blah… It’s about fitting in… Sorry to end in a preposition, but it is simply about finding someone, some place, and fitting in… I guess what I still have is – that I am still trying to look for it… what ever that is…
My situation is a bit different, but in line with this article. For me, the way we live on this planet is what makes me detached. We are so out of tune with the natural order, and have placed our own rules on life.
We don’t respect life at all. Be it human, animal, or plant. We are in large centers built with concrete, steel, glass, and wood. We barely step foot in to the natural world. Being around all these rules,and systems in place is a painful slog. We have turned in to drones.
We are born, then at a young age forced in to system that teaches us to be obedient workers. Then, we go to work until we retire, and by then, we’re used up, old, and broken. Barely able to enjoy the free time. We are nothing but cogs for the machine that continues to strip our natural world of all its resources. I honestly would of preferred to live in an earlier time where we were still in the tribal era of community, and teachings. This is why I don’t feel like I belong here. I’m unable to live in the natural world under natural laws. I’m bound by a system that imposes itself.
I have always found myself looking at the sky and waiting for something or someone there. It always was a feeling of homesickness to the point where it has driven me hopeless. Ignorants may call me mad, googly-eyed may call me a Starseed, however, I don’t even for myself what this feeling is, what I long for! This article is a teeny bit of hope, maybe, may just be, there are answers, and I just need to look harder, or not look at all, and carry on with my life, as everyone does, “PRACTICALLY” as they like to name.