I believe everyone goes through the fear of rejection at some point or another. We’ve even believed the lies it’s telling us too.
The first thing I want to say is that you’re worthy, you are good enough, and you deserve just as much as the next fellow. But if you listen to that negative inner voice, you will encounter the fear of rejection. Sometimes, when people leave our lives, or things change, we feel discarded or forgotten, but that’ s just not true.
The fear of rejection makes you lie to yourself
When you feel the fear of being rejected, you start to talk to yourself in a bad manner. Your self-esteem often plummets and you start to withdraw. Instead of facing rejection as just a part of a change in life, you take it so personally that it causes damage. Do you know what you start to do? You start telling yourself lies about yourself. Here’s how that works.
Untrue statements about who we are
1. “It will never work out with anyone”
If you’ve been rejected by someone before, or maybe even twice, your self-esteem has taken a serious hit. Since someone rejected you, whether through an intimate relationship or by your parents, you may feel like you will never be accepted by anyone. You feel like it will never work out.
2. “I don’t deserve to be loved”
Rejection can do terrible things to a person’s mind and emotions. Even the fear of rejection can make you feel as though no one will think you deserve to be loved.
Here’s the truth: you do deserve to be loved, just like the rest of us. You may even be afraid that someone will take your place in a relationship because you don’t feel worthy. Although these feelings are harsh, they are common.
3. “I’m not attractive”
Every single person on this planet is unique, and they are beautiful. Saying, “I’m not attractive” is a heinous lie brought about by the fear of being rejected. The truth is, all of us can look in the mirror and see flaws we wish we could change. Another truth is, most of the time we hate these flaws because someone in our past pointed them out to us as bad things. Here, you can see lies inside of lies.
Remember always, you are attractive, and so is everyone. You have just as much right and ability to be loved and appreciated as the next one. The fear of rejection has destroyed our images and replaced them with false criticisms, which is a total waste of time.
4. “ I hate people”
I sometimes say similar things like this, but I have to take it back. I don’t hate people, I’ve just not been able to meet many friends that I trust and truly enjoy. So, most of the time, I prefer being alone.
But this is a lie that many people tell themselves in defense of being rejected. They figure if they reject everyone else first, they won’t have to go through the pain themselves. Every last one of you knows that this is a lie. You don’t hate people because if you did, you would hate yourself as well. You don’t feel that way either.
5. “I’m not smart enough”
I guess this lie could be told as “I’m going to fail”, or “I’m stupid”, but either way, it means the same thing. You just don’t think you have what it takes to do a good job at something.
It could be your career, your relationship, or a project, but basically, you feel that something will reject you and prove your negative thoughts. Maybe you feel like you will be fired from your job, or dumped by your partner. Either way, if you do, you feel that it’s because you aren’t intelligent. The truth is, you are.
6. “I’m giving up”
The fear of being rejected by someone will make you want to give up beforehand. Why not just stop trying and be the reject you know they think you are? Well, that’s not a smart move.
I remember thinking some of the same stuff years ago, only to find out that I was perceived as an intelligent and kind person. Later on, the struggle I was going through smoothed out and everything was fine. The fear of life rejecting you this way can make you want to give up, I get it, but you just can’t do that.
Fear is one of the worst feelings
The world has not rejected you, I promise. There are so many people on this planet, suffering, struggling, and going through unimaginable things. And no, you are not the only one with the fear of rejection. I think we all go through this sometimes. I think we also tell ourselves lies about it as well.
In order to break this bad habit, it starts with catching those lies just as they are forming in our minds. Counter those lies with truths, truths that build you up and keep you in a positive frame of mind. Even if the worst happens, at least you wouldn’t have worried yourself sick on top of it. Then you will have the strength to move on. Either way, you win!
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This Post Has 4 Comments
I agree that hardships and disappointments often lead to the untrue statements you included in this article and the destructive force self-talk can have on someone, but I’d like to encourage a more honest look at the truth…sometimes you will be rejected, and deserve it…but what would warrant rejection? Stick your finder in a light socket and you can bet your hand will reject it! If you try something you are ill equipped to handle or others don’t want, rejection is inevitable…so rather than go at it blindly, learn the truth first…don’t guess, and then be smart about it, not emotional. And if you try something that turns out badly, make it good by learning from the experience…not that you are the problem, but how you can do it better the next time.
Life is an opportunity and journey, not a bunch of moments that we can get stuck in when things don’t go our way. Growth comes from learning, and that begins when you recognize you did not know something…and rejection is a common way to discover that–so embrace rejection as one of the first steps toward growth, not a pothole to be avoided….
Of course, we should always try to better ourselves by seeing rejection as a push forward. However, it’s a bit harder for some of us. Some of us are held back by anxieties and other illnesses. It’s pretty easy to believe a few lies every now and then. I do encourage everyone to practice finding the truth within those lies. It’s there.
The bottom line is, everyone is different and react in different manners. We have to keep this in mind all the time.
I thought this article was very interesting. I see this negative self talk in myself. For a long time I did not recognise it. Only with positive help from a therapist have I started to learn.
I think reminders posted physical around you help too change your self talk also. It’s a process of learning, as is life.
Hey, I tried this pep talk for myself, and then I said it out loud to those who try to silence me. ” I am going to be bold!” Then tell them “I have standards and I don’t change them for anybody but myself!” lol