There are conditions and states of being often neglected by society. We often overlook the depressed narcissist, sometimes out of fear.

Many of us are familiar with narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder, but how much do we know about the depressed narcissist?

Well, you might be flippant about it and choose to turn the other cheek out of fear. But even though the narcissist has caused us a great deal of damage and hurt, we cannot forget the truth of how this personality disfigurement works.

What is the depressed narcissist?

Most of us know and understand the basic definition of narcissism, right? Well, unfortunately, we’ve neglected to understand the depressed narcissist, which in many ways, can be worse. In fact, things like bipolar disorder and depression can make narcissistic personality disorder even worse. Here are a few facts about the depressed narcissist to help you understand.

1. Dysphoria

There’s something about narcissists that you may not know. They are plagued with dysphoria, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. You might not be able to see these symptoms, but they are there. In fact, narcissists try so hard to convince others of their superiority, that sometimes their inadequacies show through. When this happens, they notice and this dysphoria leads them to depression.

It’s extremely hard for those with a narcissistic personality disorder to accept that others can see their imperfections. When it happens, they may lash out and even try harder to downgrade others. When you notice their faults, it’s sometimes best to not let on that you saw the truth. Otherwise, you will deal with a harsher grade of narcissism.

2. Loss of Narcissistic supply

The narcissist feeds off praise and attention, as you may already know. They see themselves as superior to others, although this is only a façade. When people begin to realize the true colors of the narcissistic personality, they tend to leave or limit their time with the narcissist, and it’s noticed right away.

When the narcissist loses their supply of attention and praise, they can spiral into a depression. This is because it is incredibly hard for them to feel self-worth and fulfillment on their own. This goes back to their issues with dysphoria.

3. Self-directed aggression

When a narcissist suffers a loss of supply, as mentioned above, they will sometimes become angry before falling into depression. This is because they are really angry with themselves for not being able to fulfill things on their own.

Their anger will be directed at self but will be deflected out toward anyone who goes against them. It’s actually used as a survival tactic. The narcissist literally feels as if they are dying from lack of attention or praise, and this makes them desperate as well.

4. Self-punishing

In truth, narcissists do not hate anyone more than themselves. Although it seems like all their anger and abuse is directed toward loved ones and friends, it is not. The narcissist hates that they need constant attention and praise, they hate that they are empty, and they long to feel normal like everyone else.

The problem is, their pride is alive and well, and will not let them admit how desolate they have become. This is one reason why so many narcissists resort to substance abuse and suicide. They become so depressed that they are trapped within their own emptiness.

Strangely, although it’s attention and praise they seek when depressed, they resort to isolation before daring to ask for help.

The journey from euphoria to dysphoria

A narcissist begins as an elevated individual. To others, they are most attractive, excelling in their work and relationships alike. To someone who knows nothing of narcissism, they may even seem superhuman or godlike. For a long time, unsuspecting victims of the narcissist will be wined and dined and treated like royalty.

Eventually, cracks will start to show in the otherwise perfect exterior. By the time that faults start to show, the object of the narcissist’s affections will be deeply involved. Every negativity that develops will cause severe damage to the mentality of the “victim”. Over time, most of these “victims” will escape, leaving the narcissist without a supply for their needs.

Sometimes, the narcissist leaves, and in this case, they may not suffer the consequences of being a depressed narcissist. If not, when the “victim” escapes the web of the narcissist, the loss of supply will do its damage. This is how the depressed narcissist is born, and the journey from euphoria to dysphoria is complete.

Narcissism and the depressed narcissist

With this knowledge, whether you have been the “victim” or if you are suffering from narcissism, you should educate yourself. Then, as you begin to understand the facts about these disorders, share your knowledge.

We can never know enough about these toxic disorders and how they affect our lives today. Please share and educate as much as possible, and by all means, continue learning.



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This Post Has 7 Comments

  1. Pang Angh

    Hi, Sherrie
    I am a fan of thought- provoking too. I would like to know more about narcissist from you because everything you wrote is exactly related on my experiences. I think I’m a narcissist because I love myself and everything I do is to avoid hurting myself. But I respect to those who are superior than me with a great knowledge and experiences. I don’t cross the line from other’s comfort zone, just because I’m always right. Even if I maintain my pride, I accept the defeat from other’s greater knowledge.
    My question is, Is there a types of narcissist.

    1. Sherrie

      Yes Pang, there are different types of narcissists, mostly different levels of narcissism, to be exact. If you are honest with yourself, you will understand that each of us has a level of narcissism, and we just have to find a healthy level.

      The best thing you can do if you feel that you are a narcissist is to keep examining your actions. Pay close attention to criticism from others, even if you resent this criticism at first. There is always truth even in the harshest statements. Sometimes, the angrier you get, the more truth is floating around in those things said that angered you. Do you see what I mean? If you know that you are a selfish person, then try to see others are yourself, and understand that they are just like you and have feelings that are just as important. No, the process of transferring from “self-absorbed” behavior to focusing on others is not easy, but it can be done by taking it one good dead at a time. Every time you get ready to do something, question your motives to understand why you are doing these things Motives always tell the truth, you see.

  2. Pang Angh

    Is narcissist related to skepticism because he is not satisfied with the outcomes of generally believe ideas basing on the knowledge and experiences of his own apart from they -group and avoiding social life because he felt the lack of like minded social interaction that are particularly of belief systems.

    1. Sherrie

      Yes, some level of narcissism does exist in separating yourself from others. This is mostly due to the feelings of superiority buried beneath a victim mentality and the feeling of alienation.

  3. Tammy

    Hi Sherrie, Thank you for this article. After doing some research, I have come to the realization that I am a depressive narcissist. I have battled these feelings & behaviors for years. Wanting greatly to be noticed/ praised then turning to self defeating behavior when I’m not. Can you give me some insight on where to start to help myself & in turn, help others around me?

    1. Sherrie


      To start with, I believe you need to spend some time alone. This doesn’t mean that you must remove yourself from your home or start over, no. What I mean is that you must find a place where you can spend time with yourself. Getting to know yourself is the basis of improving your negative behavior. The reason you want attention is because you are empty…someone has made you forget who you are. You must find yourself again in order to remove the hollow malignancy. Yes, it’s growing because you are losing sources of attention. I think it’s possbible that you are subconciously using self-defeating behavior as a way to get more attention. Let me guess…you say things like, “I am a bad person.” “I don’t deserve to be happy.” Do you mean that sort of self talk? Or do you say these things out loud?

      Please forgive me. I am not trying to criticise you at all. I am only trying to get in your head so I can help. Here are a few more techniques you can try.

      1. practice listening. When you feel the urge to dominate conversation, stop yourself and tell them what you’re doing. I once stopped my tirade and told my best friend, “I’m sorry. I was dominating the conversation again. I just get out of control before I realize what I’m doing. Let’s talk about you. How have you been? What have you been doing lately?

      2. Do more selfless deeds. But be careful! When you start to change from selfishness to selflessness, don’t get too carried away with judging those who act like you used to act. Practice doing things anonymously, like helping people under the radar. This will help you develop a healthy sense of self and also realign your motivations.

      3. Do not give up. If you fail at these things, not to worry. I did too, many times. The trick is really that cliche. Don’t give up trying to improve yourself. When you notice how narcissistic you are, immediately chastise yourself for your actions. Don’t be harsh, just look the truth of who you are in the face and this is how you start to change.

      No one can change if they live in denial. Think about it. I am proud of you because you have taken a gigantic step in admitting what you think you are. Now go forth and do better…be better.

  4. Bobby

    These articles are pages of my life with my wife. She has Very Strong tendencies of a level of narcissism. Dominating any and all conversations, aggressive behavior when challenged or corrected. Silent treatment is her norm to me. When I try to explain how my feelings are impacted by her behavior she tells me I’m all wrong and she try’s to turn it around and make it about her. I’ve been told recently that she had an affair when I was in the hospital recovering from an accident and the puzzle clicked together, it all made sense now. At first she said she was entitled to do what she wants with her body, then turned around and said they (4) different people who don’t even know each other, were all Liars ???? Now, I have always given her the wide berth because of the child abuse she and other girls in her immediate family endured as small children. Sexual abuse, threats of physical harm starting as young as she can remember. I ask her when it stopped and she said when we started dating. I will add we have been together since we were 16 years old and we are both 65 today. When after 15 years she finally broke and told me about the abuse, I had no idea before that. Very confusing time for a young man. I had no idea about depression and its effects, only thing I knew about child abuse was when every kid around had a mini bike and my parents said no to me. I sat her down one night before she told me about the abuse and said to her I know out marriage is over, you can have anything you want, money, cars, home, I don’t care. I want just 1 Thing, I want to know the unvarnished truth as to WHY our marriage failed. It was then she broke down crying and told me about her abuse. I got her into therapy immediately , 5 years of 1 on 1 and group. But these last 15 years now feel like we are back to square 1 plus. Could narcissistic behavior be related to the early coping skills she learned and how can I help if at all possible.

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