INTP personality type is one of the rarest, making just 3% of the population. This means that an INTP female is literally an endangered species, with 1%.
What makes women with INTP type so rare? Probably, a set of unusual personality traits and quirks, most of which are not typical of women. If you ever happen to meet an INTP female, you’d better forget about gender stereotypes as she will be nothing like the society’s image of how a woman should be.
Here are some of the quirky traits and perceptions which will only ring true for a woman with INTP personality type:
1. We don’t care about looks as much as most women do
Most women follow certain self-care and beauty routines every day to look more attractive. Washing your hair, doing some hair styling and applying makeup are sacred rituals for any woman. However, an INTP female may find it difficult to stick with these daily self-care activities. I’m not saying that we shower once a month or never make up our face – we are just not so concerned with our physical appearance.
INTPs, both men and women, tend to be more focused on the things which are beyond the material side of existence. For this reason, it just doesn’t make sense for us to spend hours of our time for the sake of looking better. We’d better read an interesting book or immerse in an inner dialogue on a meaningful topic.
2. We don’t like girly stuff and we struggle to make friends with other women
Some men think that all women enjoy things like shopping, manicure and reading fashion magazines. Well, it’s certainly not the case with female INTPs. We are just not interested in this stuff and are bored to spend our time and energy on it, for the reasons described in the previous point. This also makes it difficult for us to relate to other women, especially those who love talking about nails, celebrities and clothes.
But it’s not only about interests – we struggle to make friends with other women simply because our way of thinking is different. Sometimes it feels that we can easier relate to men than to women because we highly rely on logical thinking (IN(T)P stands for thinking). So all those jokes about the “women’s logic” are certainly not about female INTPs.
3. We are really terrible housewives
Housekeeping and cooking are certainly not our cup of tea, which is another way an INTP female breaks gender stereotypes. INTP is an example of chaotic mind, so anything that has to do with putting things into order is not our thing. So if you are a man who seeks a perfect housewife who will cook and clean, be sure that a relationship with an INTP female is not going to work.
This is mainly caused by the traits discussed in the first point – anything about the material side of life is not of great interest for INTPs. As long as we have something great to occupy our mind with, we just don’t notice that mess in the room and it doesn’t bother us at all.
Another reason why women with INTP personality are such bad housewives is that we are incredibly impractical. According to the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator, there are sensing and intuitive types. The first ones have pretty good practical skills while the latter ones (I(N)TP stands for intuition) are better at working with theoretical concepts.
This basically means that we would find it easier to solve a mathematical equation (if we are math geeks, of course) than to choose the right fabric softener for our washing machine. Sometimes, these kinds of mundane tasks make us feel completely incapable and helpless.
4. We are useless at social relations
This lack of practical thinking also influences our ability to engage in social interaction. INTPs are some of the most socially awkward and quirky personalities who seem to lack any social skills.
It doesn’t mean that we hate people and don’t like to be involved in an interesting discussion though. We just don’t do well with superficial connections which are based solely on the social obligation. And we absolutely can’t stand small talk.
That’s why an INTP female may be perceived as arrogant or weird by the people she doesn’t feel connected to.
5. Lovey-dovey stuff is not for us
Most women adore flowers, cute gifts and other expressions of love in its romantic sense. But not the INTP ones. We tend to look for the essence of things, so more superficial expressions of affection like giving teddy bears or calling sweet names don’t touch us.
What really touches us though is to feel understood and appreciated for our personality and intellect. For an INTP female, there is nothing better than to have a deep conversation about meaningful things with her significant other.
6. We highly value independence and healthy boundaries
Independence in any sphere of life is one of the highest priorities for an INTP. For this reason, people with this personality type rarely work in office jobs or public/military service. So it’s highly unlikely to see an INTP female working as a personal assistant or a client manager.
The same is true for relationships – an INTP needs healthy boundaries and a certain degree of freedom. This personality type also tends to be highly reserved (INTP stands for introversion), so we need pretty much time to stay alone with our thoughts.
That’s why an INTP female will never tolerate possessive behaviors in a relationship. She’d better be alone than with a man who tells her what to do or where to or not to go.
7. We struggle with starting a family
Since this personality type tends to highly rely on independence and needs a personal space, starting a family can be a great challenge for an INTP female. Even if we are lucky to have a great man in our life, the idea of having children really frightens us. Because in this case, we will have to sacrifice so many things that are essential for us – privacy, alone time, personal freedom. And we will also have to face so many mundane problems which accompany the upbringing of kids.
The truth is that INTPs rarely make great parents because we fail to devote ourselves to our children as well as give them the necessary emotional support. So an INTP female is very likely to have fears and doubts about her ability to become a good mother.
As you see from the above, women with INTP personality type bash so many gender stereotypes about how a woman should be, think and behave. We certainly don’t look like the image of a perfect woman the society wants us to strive for.
Do you know anyone with these characteristics or are you an INTP female yourself? If you are unsure, you can check out the detailed description of the Myers-Briggs personality types to find out which type resonates with you most of all.
Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments below.
- 1984 Quotes about Control That Are Scarily Relatable to Our Society - February 10, 2023
- 10 Signs of Negative Energy in a Person to Pay Attention to - February 9, 2023
- 6 Things to Do Before the New Year to Make Your Life Better - December 29, 2022
Copyright © 2012-2023 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
This Post Has 53 Comments
I have known numerous women fitting aspects of this personality type, but perhaps not INTP. My daughter is an example. I see six out of seven you mention in her excepting useless in social situations. She won’t ever get married or have children, very smart and independent, her room growing up was dangerous to enter. I don’t know if she ever used a coat hanger. But – she was never in trouble, got her Phd, and teaches at an Eastern university. As for people who do not care for this personality type or those close to it, they must remember the opposite can easily bring aspects which make life miserable. I wouldn’t change a thing about my daughter, nor a woman similar that I loved, just don’t hand either one a coat hanger.
i don’t know or seen any female with personality like that .the funny thing is i spontaneously like masculine females .if she has her significant other they surely can get through it .people always can learn and break the limits.
what about INFP men? i am infp teen guy my masculine and feminine sides in a fight in order to which one i must follow more i’m doing though. if a female is masculine would she like a male feminine?
do INTP female count as more masculine than feminie?
I am an INTP female and yes. What you have said is true.. and I am attracted to both females and feminine males. And my husband is an INFP guy. Hope it answered your question.
Jake, actually both yes and no. Why would I say this? We are pretty gender neutral, which means we don’t really act feminine but we are not masculine either. Compared to the INTJ and ENTx female, we are indeed more feminine and not really attracted to feminine males, unlike the other NT females. If you want to look for a masculine personality type, look at the INTJ female or at the tomboy ENTP.
I am an INTP female. While what you stated is true, for the most part, many of the “deficiencies” identified can be overcome with dedication. I’ve mastered the housework/cooking thing and actually find peace in organization now and a creative outlet in the cooking; I can small talk with people (even though I abhor it). The trick to is ask questions so it keeps the other person busy talking and I just listen. Raising kids was a real challenge for all of the reasons listed and yet my kids would tell you that I’ve been a great mother, and am their best friend and confidant. The lack of personal space and alone time was the greatest challenge, but I dedicated myself to it too. All tendencies can be overcome with dedication.
Yes! I am the same way. I always thought I wasn’t an INTP because, though I hate housework and wifely duties, I knew it had to be done. I hate it, but I put a LOT of time and dedication in it and I can do it now. Not that I enjoy it, but it is just one thing that has to happen. I am scared to be a mother but I know that I can learn to do it, though it will not be natural.
I was going to leave a long post discounting the comment about not wanting to be a parent but in true INTP fashion, I didn’t think it was worth my time to explain it to those who would not understand. Simply put, being a parent is the best thing I ever did!
I’m an INTJ woman, and I’m fairly certain my teenage daughter is an INTP. This article (and the comnents) we’re very enlightening.
I’m an INTP female and man could I chose the hell out of some fabric softener, well maybe not fabric softener… unnecessary set of chemicals… but designing domestic systems can be a pretty rewarding hobby. My fiancé of 11 years is an INTP too so without good design, nothing would get done but get a robot vacuum, and a Dyson hand held vac for dusting – put it in an easy location, a washing machine and dryer in one, modify a steam mop, set up automatic payments for all your bills (average the variable ones), get all Kaizen on your whole house, bucket for weeds and gardening gloves by the door for tiny bursts of gardening, etc… if you don’t end up sticking to the system, you didn’t make it easy enough, redesign the system. If you get bored of the system, redesign it you didn’t make it novel enough. All these INTP articles make us sound like we are useless procrastinating basket cases but we have the capacity to think this stuff easy. Anything can be as intellectual, logical and creative as you make it. Same with work. I’m not incapable of anything.
Kristy – I totally agree. I am definitely INTP (although I’m towards the middle on some characteristics) and I’ve always loved the challenge of redesigning domestic organization. More specifically, I loved making the most of tiny spaces so moving into a larger home (and still managing to do laundry for 5) was initially overwhelming for me. But, I’ve finally developed some habits that work for me. Most of all, I LOVE the fact that I don’t get hung up on little inconveniences, because they usually make room for my creativity, which I attribute to my INTP personality. Like, when I was tired of our unscented detergent, I added essential oil to the wash and voila! I am finally convincing my husband that automatic payments are the way to go – keeping track of due dates is just oppressive.
There is a lot of truth to what’s in this article, but the outlook is dismal at best. Thank God that I did not know I was INTP before I married and started a family, because apparently the diagnosis should have been terminal. Not so!
About the girly stuff, I’m actually pretty into that. I enjoy makeup and fashion. The majority of intps I know do too.
I can occasionally dip into the feminine stuff, but for the most part no, leave me out of it. And I can appreciate the thought behind flowers. Love kids though. Definitely having kids one day. Completely agree with the rest of it, though.
Everything that you have said is really me. My room is an organized mess- it looks like a mess to everyone else but I know where and what I put in that. And for the girly stuff, 5 stars on that. I find it hard to relate to girly stuffs. I often think I’ll be a horrible parent, since I am zero in cooking and other housewife stuffs.
I test as INTP and I’m a woman. I’m honestly a tad vain! I love fashion because it’s creative and imaginative. I think the creative side of INTPs is not accounted for enough in most descriptions. I’m something of an aesthete and an artist too. I like poetry, art, philosophy as much if not more than science and math. I’m not particularly masculine….more like an alien!
It’s true I don’t relate well to other women (well PEOPLE…it’s not like your average bro isn’t a shallow meathead), but stuff like makeup and shoes is the Venn diagram overlap area. It’s the “he said she said” crap that makes me want to kill myself. I can actually be very empathetic, but I stay calm and seek solutions rather than mirror emotions, and this may seem detached. Still, many people come to me for insight . So I have interpersonal skills, but I am admittedly socially dense too.
I often do hate mushy, sentimental stuff but mostly because I’m a snob and it seems so unoriginal and, well, embarrassing. But I actually love Romanticism as an aesthetic and really appreciate emotional depth in others.
There are some truths here but also quite a few stereotypes. For example, I’m an INTP woman, and while I don’t enjoy housework, I know how to bake a mean pie and wash my own clothes. (Sheesh!) And while it’s true I don’t want to be bothered putting on make-up every time I leave the house, I’ve always liked experimenting with different make-up and hairstyles and dressing up for an evening out. As for romance, I love it! No, I’m not that impressed by chocolates and a teddy bear, but if a guy does something heartfelt like write me a song or take me to a special place that has significance for the two of us or surprise me with a unique gift that he knows I’ve been wanting, that totally melts my heart because I can tell there was real thought and effort behind it. I love it when a guy verbally expresses his love and devotion (as long as it’s not too cliche), and I enjoy romance novels, romantic movies, and so on (as long as, again, they’re not too cliche).
What a lot of people don’t realize is that there are different “flavors” of INTPs. Personally, I think these flavors correspond with Enneagram types. A lot of the stereotypes mentioned in this article would seem to fit Enneagram 5w6 or 6w5 INTPs, but I’m an Enneagram 5w4, and we’re known to be more interested in aesthetics and somewhat more comfortable with emotion.
Finally, I’m downright offended by the blanket statement that “INTPs rarely make great parents.” What a terribly unfair, narrow-minded, judgmental thing to say! Any personality type can make a great parent if they are mature and balanced, and any type can make a bad parent if they’re not. I’ve heard a number of INTPs say that they love being parents, and I’ve heard a number of children of INTPs say that they’re so glad they had an INTP mom or dad. The strengths of an INTP aren’t the same as, say, those of an ISFJ, but a calm, rational nature, love of learning, and childlike playfulness are excellent traits to share with and pass on to a child.
I’m an INTx woman and only N.6 and 7 apply in my personal case.
I do cook super well, My home is super clean and tidy, I like Indian Masala/fluffy-funny-rom films, I take care of my appearance (I DESIGN my own looks, especially my hair), I like interesting gifts/quirky items (they can be cute-artsy!) and I have NO PROBLEM talking nails/home design/gardening with other women (usually because my personal projects involve those).
I suspect the INTP woman described in this article is a typical Western one, because as an INTx woman who grew up in the 3rd World during the 90s, I just COULDN’T avoid learning Home/Housekeeping/Social skills and DIY, even though I had a computer available at home and LOVED books :).
Being an INTx does not exclude having strong “sensor-like” preoccupations and habits.
And yes, sometimes the cultural differences BLOW UP when you look at the specific behaviours of a type. Is it any wonder ethnic minority INTx feel alienated from these online ‘INTx community’?
Well, this was at points pretty accurate… however, I’ve got a more laid back view of the “feminine” things… If i like something, i do it. Gender roles be damned. Make up and pretty clotes are fun and great ways of expression. Sure, gossip and chit-chat bores the hell out of me… And im awesome at cooking and very handy. However, i hate domestic activities.
Spot on about the kids though… Parasites thatd steal my independence and calm…
Oh and im enneagram 9w1… So I’m pretty odd even for the INTP type.
I identified strongly with all points except the parenting one. Because of my intense drive to understand and learn, I have found an amazing degree of satisfaction in learning and understanding the uniqueness of my children. I am spontaneous, fun, intense, playful, geeky, and awkward with them, and I think I’ve done a great job so far. Because I love to learn, I taught them at home for a few early years. Our home is chaotic and full of dirty laundry, but we laugh and discuss and research and play Zelda together.
My husband is also and INTP and he does the cooking. 🙂 We’ve been married for 18 years. I’m a reading specialist and he’s a data analyst.
Women did not start shaving their legs until nylon was rationed in WWII. Stupid #*!% war, because, oh what a terrible waste of time and energy (same with wars). Anyway, I am XX INTP and was just looking around to see what it’s like for other XX INTPs. I thought this article was really pretty good. She’s right about me. I was afraid to have children but I thought it was because of baggage related to having had a schizophrenic mother. I’ll have to think on this new idea some, I digress… I think the author has a point, Einstein was NOT a good parent. We can all work towards what we want to be, in my case, and more than anything else, I want to be a good parent. I don’t want to be like my mother or my father (psychiatrist and INTJ). When I see Einstein’s name on the list of famous INTPs, I know I will never hang his poster on my wall because of how he treated his children. I also see that I must watch myself. Like right now, dabbling in the theoretical rather than playing with my 3 year old. Bye 😉
Based off of my own experience as an INTP female, I partly agree.
Whereas I did take a while to start flirting with aesthetics and the idea of starting a family, right now I find myself to be very passionate about both these subjects.
What I think makes my approach to such interests distinctly INTPish, though, is how they’ve translated to studying chromatic analysis, visagism and the psychological and political implications of beauty, aswell as minimalistic organizational methods for my future home which are tailored to economize time and energy, peaceful parenting and the prospect of sharing ideas with my children and raising them to be rationalists. <3
I guess this goes to show how INTPs can be really surprising in their ability to become suddenly passionate around the most seemingly boring subjects and its theoretical aspects.
hmmm I thought I was a true INTP and have many characteristics of being one. Every test I do comes up with it. However, I love fashion, have a beauty routine, I work in an office as a PA (though hate it of course haha). I am messy but don’t mind housework and love baking and cooking. I also love romance, romantic novels and movies. So not sure I completely agree with these traits you have listed – I thought we were supposed to have rose coloured glasses on and believe in romance. I am a loner though and not good at relationships because I feel too different to others and like my independence and freedom. I feel I can never really show someone my true self. It’s weird to love romance but yet find it hard to actually experience it in reality. I tried and got hurt and feel that was it for me. I’m like the quirky creative person at work and don’t fit in because I am not like them yet I torture myself going to work, sitting in my pod like a battery hen not seeing the outside world. All I want is to be free, to be me and not be told what to do. That to me is a true INTP!
Lots of truth here, but even though I’m an extreme INTP, I can’t agree with all points. I love taking care of myself and looking as good as I can. You could call it an art form. I also glory in my femininity. While general female conversation bores me (can’t deny that), I do love well defined gender behaviors. I find beauty in the extreme opposites of the sexes – feminine women; masculine men. I also LOVE being a mom to four daughters. I played with dolls as a little girl, and dreamed of being a mom some day. Yes, some things are more challenging for our personality type, since we indeed are less practical, but still! I think we INTPs make great parents in a way that other temperaments do not.
Introversion should not be confused with sociability. You can be an extreme introvert and be very social. I know that from experience.
As for awkward . . . I never knew I was so awkward, but my teenage daughters have enlightened me. I hate that part of me.
Why not “masculine” women and “feminine” men? There’s beauty in all specturm of expression.
I am an INTP female who grew up a tomboy and always got along better with boys than girls. As an adult, most of my jobs have been in the male fields. With many jobs, I have been the only female. I can recall two jobs I have had where all were female I lasted 2 1/2 months at the most.
I never grew out of the tomboy “stage” and have always believed makeup was for clowns. Because of my tomboy ways, I have been labeled as gay by many and very odd by many more. I am a true heterosexual that has struggled greatly with relationships. No male thus far cares to understand my ways, nor will give me the freedom to be myself and trust me with my independence. It’s a gift, for I am free from the influence of another and am finding out more about myself everyday.
Hi all, I’m INTP woman and bit of everything above. At the moment I’m struggling with self doubts, low self-confidence and I’m close to the change of the career path. I am literally forsing myself to stop procrastination, to continue what I have started and to believe in me.
Is someone else going through this or had something like this?
Not sure about those traits, every test I do comes up as INTP and I fully identify with the INTP description, also reflected in my career path. However, I love clothes and shoes (although I tend to favour minimalistic fashion without bows or sparkles) and I do care a great deal about looks (I hate having a bad hair day or putting on weight). Having said that, I try to keep my beauty routine to the bare minimum to look decent, so I have time available to do more “interesting” things. I also like to live in a nice, clean and cosy house, although I do hate the work that goes into maintaining that. Also, cooking does not have to be a regular housework chore if you take a more scientific approach where you analyze the results of your cooking and baking. Regarding being a rubbish mother, yes and no, it is true that I was hopeless with my baby, never knew when it was time to put him to sleep, I did not succeed at giving him a dummy and did not have a clue how to start potty training, let alone that I was always desperate to find some space and time… However, now that my “baby” is bigger, I play with him in a way that many “non-INTPs” women probably would not, i.e., we build planes, trains and garbage bins out of paper and cardboard boxes, build tunnels and towers with other stuff, etc. It helps that he is a boy, though, I would not know what to do with a doll…
While I initially tested INXJ at 15, I identify as an INTP. I think this piece got INTP women basically right, but I disagree about the math/fabric softener thing. I am terrible at math (which seems to me to be a subject that Sensors do well in actually). Also, there is so much more to “Sensing” than being a domestic goddess or whatever. I have no problem choosing laundry products. On the other hand, I have a terrible sense of direction. Also, oh yeah, most Sensors find me strange and possibly kind of stupid. I tend to cause more problems than I solve. In fact this has been especially apparent to me the past month or so, as I have been setting up an estate sale and the work has been almost laughably slow-going for me. The difference between my helper (a strong Sensor) and me, when it comes to cleaning, organizing, and generally not messing things up further or breaking things, is very apparent.
I have a kind of on-again/off-again relationship with cosmetics (mostly off). I wore make-up every day in high school but I haven’t worn it much as an adult. I actually sold Estee Lauder products for three years behind a cosmetics counter at the mall. I was bored stiff and hated that I had to work with and for women all day, but I never really developed an interest in anything practical, so I have been stuck with jobs like that my whole life.
I have tested as INTP 🙂
I completely identify with numbers 1, 2, 5, & 6.
My responses to the rest:
#3 – I function at a high level of organization with life … not objects. The basics of a housewife is multitasking and orchestrating life. I’m pretty dang good at that. I can make decisions on mundane and practical things, sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes not.
#4 – I half identify with this. I am AMAZING at reading and navigating social situations and people, I just don’t really like people so I don’t care to use that skill all the time. Being social is so exhausting. I definitely do not enjoy ‘small talk’, but I do actually care how people are feeling. I usually turn ‘small talk’ into ‘deep discussion’ when used on me though lol
#7 – I think it’s not fair to say they just worry about being a good parent. I think it goes 50/50 with those that worry and those that don’t want kids. I don’t want kids, not because I worry but because of other reasons that are logical to me.
Though, to be fair, I had a significant mental break in my mid 20’s that turned my personality to almost a complete 180. I believe most of my interpersonal skills were because of who I was before, as well as whom I was groomed to be (raised by an extrovert).
In hindsight, I had many introverted traits and could have flourished if embraced. I usually say that I’m an introvert that was raised to be an extrovert.
I am 55, a student of psychology and sociology as well as the study of human and natural law. I have tested numerous times over the years as INTP. We are wondrous and complex creatures. We are uniquely shaped by our nature as well as the nurture, good and bad, experienced as children. Some of us will identify with the blanket statements above but, of course, some of us will not. I don’t take it personally because no one person, I’ve ever encountered, has ever really truly “gotten” me. When I was younger I found that difficult to deal with but these days, I’m more ok with it.
This was interesting. My thoughts (caveat, it’s long because this lacked a lot of nuance imo):
1. We don’t care about looks as much as most women do.
Do you look like a slob everyday or something? INTPs can be incredibly self-conscious, myself included. I care about I look, I don’t enjoy the process of maintenance and will try to find a way to exert the least amount of effort to look the sh*t and stunt on em lol. I hated sitting in the beauty shop for ours to get my hair down, so naturally looking hair pieces was a gawdsend and allowed me to change my hair for any mood I was in. I love cute clothes. I hate being in the mall shopping and trying clothes on bc I get bored super easy. If I cant find what I want relatively quickly I get antsy. Shopping with GFs can be torture but I stick it out to spend time with them occasionally, however online shopping is my preferred. I will get my nails done for an event, arch or tint my brows, etc. to again look damn good, but if I can find a shortcut to do any of it, I’m going to do it. So I care about looks, I just don’t enjoy the maintenance process.
2. We don’t like girly stuff and we struggle to make friends with other women
As mentioned above, I also don’t enjoy shopping at length, but additionally my attention span is short. If I can do it quickly and efficiently I can do it and I’m fine. I tend to look on sites in advance so I know what I am looking for ahead of time (Pinterest is the sh*t). The only exception to this is home decor and tech stores. But that’s surroundings stuff, and not my body which INTPs would probably lose if not attached to our head sometimes.
I don’t hate fashion magazines and will flip through them but I don’t actively subscribe nor will I rush to talk about the new looks dropping. I like looking good, I don’t care about fashion trends and will put old & new together and look damn good doing so, that is of course when I’ve decided to leave my house. Heck, I have two full Pinterest boards for streetwear and styling suggestions, both organized by different looks.
I’m kind of tired of this ‘relating’ to women trope. We aren’t one dimensional. Just bc INTP women are drawn to less conventional things and don’t have an affinity for contrivances, it does not restrict our ability to ‘relate’ to women. In my youth I didn’t have an outlet for some of my more obsure interests with either gender, and even if I did with men, preferred it at a distance for the most part.
Social networking, not being constricted by teenagedom, etc. has damn near killed that narrative so I have a hard time understanding an adult struggling with this. I don’t struggle with finding connections with depth at all. I have a tribe and I have long distance friendships. Some of my local friends LOVE doing the stuff I’d rather AND for fun, but we have AMAZING conversations because INTPs more so need depth, variety, and people who’ll take an interest, not a bunch that like to do exactly what we like to do…sounds boring.
Re: men. Haha. I said that stuff in my teens and 20s too about it being easier to relate to them. The idea that I think/process similarly to ‘men’ is enough to make me gag and I have found that to be largely untrue. This whole ‘logical’ sex thing is hilarious because what lol? I struggle to relate to men because of their ego which reaaaaallly inhibits their objectivity and also it’s fcuking annoying. But I guess. Maybe in your case.
3. We are really terrible housewives
Ok, this I can agree on this somewhat. I have never liked housekeeping but the way my ADHD is set up, I can only go so long without tending to it because I don’t like chaos. If I could hire and afford a guy to manage all my daily so I can spending all my time thinking, conceptualizing, and creating I would do it. Either way, I’ll still notice mess and won’t like it cause I’m also visually stimulated, not just philosophically, so I care about aesthetics, like aesthetics, will pay for good aesthetics if affordable, and whenever I find less intensive and time consuming ways to get there, in there like swimwear.
4. We are useless at social relations
I hate small talk with every fibre of my being (screams internally). But, I am not useless at social interactions. INTPs come in four subtypes. I’m an INFJ subtype, the Observer. I know ENFP and ENTJ subtypes. We all shift and operate based on the environments that shape us and the need to apply the most logical/rational action to a given situation. But without even getting into the subtype discussion, INTPs still can mirror like second skin to maintain our equilibrium.
As I have gotten older, I’ve become more savvy at veering conversations to more compelling small talk topics that make it more tolerable so nah, we aren’t useless and being quirky doesn’t mean we lack social graces. We’re just not invested in them.
5. Lovey-dovey stuff is not for us
Yes, we need to feel understood, we need to be appreciated for who we are. We care about meaningfulness and mindfulness and we simply aren’t driven to sentimentality just because cute or performative action in the moment. HOWEVER, if those two M’s exist in the lovey dovey stuff, in my case anyway, it will resonate. Gifts rank pretty low for me but when they are incredibly thoughtful and in line with who I am, I’m touched.
But gifts aren’t just about us in a healthy relationship. If a bf picked up flowers for me randomly because he thought about me while he was grocery shopping and it brought a smile to his face, that will stay with me fondly and for a while as opposed to a bf buying flowers for Valentines day or something. That random thought in the grocery store that led him to the floral section because I made him smile, and it meant something to him to show me that I’m meaningful to him for him to do something about it. Or the seemingly out of the blue “baby I just love being around you, you make me laugh.” Girl bye, INTPs like that sh*t lol. INTPs see things deeply, need meaning, but INTP also sees things from multiple angles (not just our own), so coupled with our strong cognitive empathy etc. we would/should be conscious of our partners love languages cause sometimes the gift or show of affection is their form of communicating about you, but independent, in and of itself, of you.
6. We highly value independence and healthy boundaries
I agree with this, but unsure INTPs come out the womb knowing how to navigate this. Sure we value it, but in my case, it took time to learn how to communicate that and draw them.
I don’t like emotional manipulation or controlling/possessive behavior and a quiet rebel was always in my DNA, but the naive INTP of 10-15 years ago sure as sh*t had to grow into the woman today who yes, I’d rather be alone than in a toxic relationship, but let’s admit weren’t Joan of Arc about our entire existence at age 9 and 3/4.
7. We struggle with starting a family
Lol. We have qualities that can make it a struggle but I don’t know if this perception is colored by INTP descriptions being incredibly gendered and your anecdotal experiences but this reads narrow. INTPs can be impractical, very indepedent, needs space etc. but if we are healthy, resourceful, and intentional with our partners, we can make excellent parents. I don’t know where you got that INTPs rarely make great parents, because I read they may make some of the best parents because of our incredible patience. Sure we have a low tolerance for stupidity and irrational behavior, but because the INTP road tends to be difficult, we are very conscious of unfairness and innocence. I know many of us decide we don’t want to treat people the way we felt unless it’s with good reason meaning we won’t start sh*t but we’ll finish it.
For those of us that want kids, sure we fear it, big responsibility, and we also question our ability, but I don’t really think it’s just because motherhood is tough, I think INTPs although confident in what we are confident about, we can have incredible self- doubt, a big part of why we procratinate. We don’t have the luxury that INTP men do when it comes with having a child because we are the ones stuck with gestating a gut full of human. I have a hard time believing an INTP woman would make the decision lightly. INTP parenting skews to fathers bc majority. There isn’t enough content about previous generations of INTP women bc one rare, two who knows if the populations conformed for their survival so likely tainted even if there was. For all we know more INTP woman are popping up now more because a shift in the design makes it more feasible to live amongst these mortals lol.
INTPs are more prone to philosophizing and being in our heads, so when we vent, we’re just getting it out, not really looking for a way out. So when I read experiences from INTP moms, I think they are just releasing. I fear failure, but I have never regretted something I intentionally made a decision to try even if it didn’t work out. Unless regrets from intentional decisions we thought about 7 ways from Sunday is a new thing for us, I have a hard time thinking an INTP mom, unless unhealthy, had a kid, would struggle with showing how devoted they are to their children because they would have thought it to death lol. So I’m again wondering is this colored by some review of INTP dads parenting and/or INTP moms venting in the moment.
Until INTP moms kids grow up to join MBTI forums, I’m going to have to trust that if I make the intentional decision to carry some bigheaded man’s child in my womb for 10 months, lose sleep (my favorite), get fat (not so favorite), give up my space, I did it because I am 100% committed to my decision.
Sorry about the typos. I typed this out on my phone and didn’t double check the predicative text before emailing to myself. It is what it is.
Hi Kems, you understand being an INTP far better than the author of this article. I related to nearly everything you wrote. I’ve preferred women friends ever since boys started pushing me down in 1st grade. As I got older its rare they can actually be just friends. My closest friends are usually very smart. I was raised by two parents that highly valued outer appearance so it matters to me, but I also try to minimize amount of time/$ spent on it. I love shopping at consignment stores and enjoy clothes too. Most antithetical to this article is I’m a pediatric home health nurse, a typical woman’s career. It actually works because I love being independent, not dealing with workplace politics, and develop meaningful one-on-one relationships with my little patients and families. It takes significant effort to not live in my head and be engaged with my patients through the day. I’m back in school though because I want a change and more $$ to buy a home and possibly adopt an older child if I don’t marry.
I’m a 27 year old INTP woman. I think this article was kind of right but the essence of the underlying motives was not painted very well. I’ll comment my opinion on the subjects:
1. We don’t care about looks as much as most women do
The older I get the less I care. My biggest problem is that I want to look nice but I can’t seem to get myself to follow regular patterns to maintain or be consistent. It doesn’t help that I am always very busy because I work a full-time job (biomedical engineer working as a mechanical engineer) that is demanding and I always have personal side projects and online classes I’m trying to keep up with. Time management is also not a strong-suite of mine- i’m notoriously running behind, at all times. I lack a concept of time, it’s probably my biggest frustration with myself and I’m constantly trying to improve. My looks are one of the first things that I’ll deem “not as important” when I feel my time is being compromised. I force myself to completely get ready (shower, shave, make-up, hair, outfit I think is flattering) at least once a week because it makes me feel better and helps with my confidence. I have always been almost envious by the time men save because they don’t have to maintain the same level beauty routine to look nice. And no – I honestly don’t think I want to look nice because of societal pressure per-se… I can be self conscious but not exclusively about my looks.. it’s mainly because I enjoy my femininity and like the way it makes me feel. Though, I keep myself somewhat presentable in public on my off days because of societal expectations.. to blend and stay under the radar. I honestly think the formalities of dressing up and stuff are dumb but I like to every once in awhile none-the-less. So yes, I agree with this one.
2. We don’t like girly stuff and we struggle to make friends with other women
I don’t think I struggle to make girl friends because I don’t like “girly” things. I think it is because I don’t think the same way as most woman in general and although I may share more cognitive functions with the majority of men, it doesn’t mean I can relate with them either. I find it difficult to try and communicate with people who do not use logic in their decisions or their basic morals and beliefs and/or people that are closed off to new information, man or woman. They are too rigid and/or too driven by emotion/ego. I rather distance myself from those people because they are not stimulating and can draw a lot of energy. I find this in most extroverted personality types that are not *NT*, which happens to be a lot of women. I like some “girly” things but I also have many other interests. I have never understood why people think that interests are gender related (read more about my childhood, if you please, in the little section I put below this paragraph). The truth of it is, I relate with a very limited amount of all people. I do not enjoy people completely driven by ego, who can not try to see things without bias, have shallow interests, have no depth, limit themselves, are scared of everything, and that are their way or the highway. A lot of people possess at least ONE of those… It’s not that I won’t talk or deal with them but I don’t enjoy them enough for them to ever be “my people.” I don’t try to exclude or be mean to those people but I do not gravitate to them and they will not open up the side of me that is full of wonder.. the “childlike” side of my INTP self. I think it is safe to say that I’m just not a people person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to socialize or to adapt to what I need to be (I can actually be very charming and get a rooms attention with little effort).. I just don’t enjoy it and if you catch me in a introspective or blah mood I won’t sugar coat my social interactions with niceties – offending the feelers and sensors when I really don’t mean anything by it. BUT I will admit that most (not all) of my deeper connections have been with men… but I think it’s because men and women naturally make a puzzle piece duo… something about the energy and no need to have ego because there’s no reason to compete with each other. BTW I am not really competitive against people (just myself) and have zero interest in social games. So.. I think this topic just has many factors but I agree. I would be much more comfortable in a room full of men than women because the energy is usually more mellow and I don’t feel like I’m being judged/competed against as much… and could probably get away with keeping to myself on subjects that are not of interest to me. Though, I rather be alone then in a room full of people, generally speaking.
**Early childhood I self-entertained and had little interest in/didn’t know how to interact with other kids.. I loved being outside doing whatever/digging holes, lincoln logs, beginner chemistry sets, easy bake ovens, stuffed-animals, making tents, making bracelets, designing the interior of doll houses and making crazy backstories for the dolls/characters, ancient history and science magazines, soccer, trying to jump off the roof and fly, making cool aquarium setups- loved turtles, dogs, hamsters, cats, painting, drawing, trying to debug my parents computer on a regular bases because my mom clicks on everything, reading.. once I got into the first couple chapters, swimming, tumbling classes, making things (like I made a bunch of flashlights out of toilet paper rolls, wire, and batteries- perfecting each one). I guess I just never understood how some of these things could be exclusively “male” interests because I didn’t think I wasn’t female. It was a confusing childhood once I was in the school system. For a moment I thought maybe I was supposed to be a boy because my interests were so different from the girls around me.. but I wasn’t a boy so I was just kinda awkward and felt out of place in my early childhood. My mom always influenced me to be a well rounded person and would push me out of my comfort zone. If I wanted to do soccer I also had to do ballet or some type of dance class. If I wanted to take art classes I also had to take piano class. If I wanted to do swim team I also had to do a film camp. If wanted to do tumble classes I also had to do cheerleading. She used my interests to get me to do other things she wanted me to do. I do think she wanted me to be well rounded but I also think she wanted me to fit in a little better and have typical things to “brag” to her coworkers about- she is ESFP. I didn’t really like it but didn’t really think about it or protest it too much because I wanted to do my other interests. I’m grateful because I like the way it made me. I think it helped me be more dynamic. I’ll probably do similar things with my children.
3. We are really terrible housewives
This is a way too brash way to explain the INTP female dynamic in my opinion. Of course.. maybe I’m different. I think I could be an excellent housewife under the right conditions. Even though I have a chaotic mind and organization is not my strong suit, I have a hard time being productive if my surroundings are chaotic or dirty. I enjoy being productive even though I struggle with it… because my mind is all over the place (I’m constantly jumping down the next new rabbit hole). One of the first things I will do to try to minimize the chaos is to have a clean home. As soon as I get home from work I will spend at least 30 minutes trying to get household chores out of the way so I can free up my mind/time for other things. It is not to say that I enjoy them but I feel they are necessary in order to do other things. I also have no one else to rely on to take care of those things. Though.. I’ve been meaning to organize the massive amounts of papers building a fortress around me at my work… Anyway.. I like being clean- but organization is a struggle. I will organize one way but find a new way the next day.. or if I’m unsure I will abandon the organization process altogether. Like, honestly, I would be unstoppable if I had a helper who was good at those things. I think it is helping that I have an INTJ boyfriend because he leads the way from an organization standpoint. Now.. if I were to be solely a housewife, I would use it to my advantage/productive way for sure. I know I couldn’t and wouldn’t be a typical housewife. I don’t think I would have a problem with keeping the house clean and I already keep up with things financially with no problems. I would probably even keep up with my appearance more because I would have time. But it’s like my dreammm to have a workshop in the backyard that I can make whatever is peaking my interest and to learn. I love coming up with new ideas/inventions, programming, CNC related things, making furniture, designing stuff (like i even designed my own kitchen remodel with CAD and everything), etc etc etc. Anyway, since I haven’t quite found a job that completely suits me.. I find work to be stifling to creativity and to who I am as a person. If I didn’t have to worry with making money and supporting myself in the immediate future I would definitely find an alternative way to support myself (although I purposely got a degree and stuff that I can support myself no matter what – because I think it is important to be able to independently support yourself). Anyway, I would create/make things that would be profitable if I were to choose what I want to do with money being a non factor… we can dream.. right? I plan on getting there eventually. I save my money and I learn new skills so that I can one day start focusing more on my ideas and not so much on work and other social distractions. I’m constantly trying to bring minimalism to my life.. small social circle.. multipurpose devices.. not too cluttered.. get rid of old things.. I like having nice/clean/simple things. Idk.. I’m trying to find balance everyday. Anyway, I think INTP women wouldn’t be typical housewives but I don’t think it means they wouldn’t be good ones. I know I can make a warm home even with my chaotic mind 🙂 and I LOVE cooking.. though I rarely make the same thing and when I do I usually change it.. it’s like experimenting lol. So, I personally disagree with this one. I think I would be an excellent housewife if I wasn’t oppressed and felt financially stable to pursue some of my interests… for interests sake. If I felt oppressed and it limited my ability to explore.. I’d probably be a bad housewife.. because I would be unhappy.
4. We are useless at social relations
No. I can be whoever I want to be, really. I can completely transform myself when needed. Do I like it.. no.. but I’m actually really good at it if I feel it is important. Now.. what I deem important to do so is very limited because I don’t like transforming. I rather be who I am and keep to myself to avoid trivial niceties and expectations unless I know someone well enough and feel comfortable around them. So, anyway… yeah I am quirky and a little awkward but I’m completely capable of using these traits or turning them off when needed. I did have to learn how to do this though. My younger years were rough and I felt isolated. I developed into being able to adapt to social situations, and to also not care as much about not fitting in. Also, while on the subject, I don’t feel like I’m the one that lacks social skills. I can read people and tune into what they are thinking and feeling very easily and I always have been. I am straightforward but never mean or anything. In my opinion, it’s people that have to have the trivial niceties and expectations that are lacking social skills… they are who is unable to read and tune into others thoughts and emotions and only thinking about the self. I don’t get how this issue got turned into a negative light on INTPs. So, I disagree.
5. Lovey-dovey stuff is not for us
Actually, I love lovey-dovey but probably not from a traditional sense. I love being deeply connected to my boyfriend (INTJ). I love learning about him and being able to be my true self with him. I love that we have deep and/or intellectual conversations but we can be goofy and not too serious together. He is my mind-mate, and I think that is very important to INTP women. I think we need someone who can match up to us intellectually for us to feel like we can truly be ourselves and to be stimulated. I found myself becoming a much more angry and cynical person when I tried to date people that weren’t around my level.. not on purpose or because I felt above them per se.. but I wasn’t being stimulated and would get frustrated when they couldn’t seem to understand me, remember things that were important to me, follow my train of thought- ever, never had anything of interest to add to the conversation, and generally these people weren’t as capable of realizing when they were the cause of a problem… I would get frustrated and start to resent and detach myself from them. I would never end the relationships when I needed to though because I’m horrible about the “what ifs” and I work very hard in my relationships to make them work.. once I commit I’m all in.. until I’m not.. but won’t cut the cord when it is necessary. Now that I’m older and have some hindsight.. and have found what things are important to me in a relationship, I don’t think I would fall into this cycle again and would cut the cord much more easily. I also need a mind-mate because I have a tendency to run over someone who can’t put me in my place when needed, because I’ll do the same with my partner. I don’t like to tell people what to do or to control them but I can also become critical and annoyed by the way they do things — if it’s dumb or inconsiderate. I do better when I’m with someone that I think is capable of making sound decisions, who can defend their actions (sometimes I just missed a reason/information as to why they were doing what they were doing), and who is able and willing to listen to reason and is somewhat adaptable to my needs (which are not much, like, really.. I’m low maintenance). I hold myself to the same standards for them. But once I’ve found my mind-mate I love to receive sweet text messages or have a thoughtful gift. I don’t like gifts for the sake of receiving a gift.. if I only get flowers once a year on Valentines Day.. I’ll dislike receiving flowers on Valentine’s Day.. because it was only done because of a formality/obligation. I like things that have more meaning or that took thought or was because they were thinking of me and wanted to express it (not always needing a holiday). Honestly, I’m actually a very romantic, kind, thoughtful, supportive partner when I’m with my mind-mate. I like to feel close and I love very deeply and purely. So, I disagree with this one personally. I don’t think wanting to be valued for our intellect negates liking lovey-dovey.. it means we don’t like superficial expressions of love.
6. We highly value independence and healthy boundaries
I think independence is important but it is also how I am naturally. I am a very self-sufficient person and I rarely ask for help. Not because their help is unwanted but because I honestly don’t really think about it. If I think I can handle something on my own- I just handle it. I know some people are actually offended by this. If I’m lost in thought and I’m trying to get something done.. for example.. I’m trying to carry a heavy box into another room and a man is close-by that could either take the box or open the door.. I’ll usually waltz to the door and do some maneuver to keep hold of the box and open the door on my own. Though, if I wasn’t lost in thought I would probably ask him to open the door so that he could feel a sense of pride in helping if I felt he wanted/needed that. I don’t naturally look for outside help because I just.. don’t. Now if I really need help, I don’t necessarily have a problem asking for it but I don’t have that dynamic with many people (I’m usually the helper and I have found that asking help from help-ees ends up only causing problems or some unwanted drama or an unwanted obligation to them.. I try to only ask help from other helpers) so I don’t have many people to ask.. usually my resource is my dad lol. In terms of with my partner- if I ask for help you better help (if you’re actually able, of course) and not drag your feet and be rude about it, because if I do ask I legitimately feel that I need help and I know that I always extend the same courtesies to them without hesitation or negative attitude. When it comes to work, I just like to be left alone because no one likes my path or way of doing things even though I accomplish the same thing, but usually better if I’m left to do it how I want. I much rather be self sufficient and be my own work or at least have creative flexibility.. that’s just where thrive best. When it comes to healthy boundaries.. I’m not sure that I’m the best with this but I don’t think this is because of my INTP-ness. I feel I used to be this way. I would take care of myself and others when I could. I would still clear out my schedule if I could afford to but if I couldn’t I would usually tell them I couldn’t. Now, I compromise my own needs a lot more than I used to. I was in an unhealthy relationship a few years ago that I thought had destroyed me. I lost all concept of healthy boundaries. He manipulated me and made me think I was someone I wasn’t. He would constantly used the things I hated the most and accused me of doing that.. twisting situations.. messing with my head. Of course, it didn’t start out that way. We were happy and in love, at least I was. I’m not saying that I was perfect in the relationship but I am not a manipulative/game playing person by nature so I had a hard time seeing/understanding it in others. It has taken me a long time to recover and feel myself again… to have the same confidence and willpower to do things solely for myself. He would accuse me of being “my way or the highway” and of “being negative about our relationship,” to name a couple. And it threw me for a loop because I wasn’t those things.. I was trying so hard and I was compromising everything and it was never enough. It is sad and and in a way humiliating (yet humbling in hindsight) the way I let someone detach me from who I was- he even detached me from logic because there was no logic with him. He truly used my love for him against me and broke me. I was constantly walking on egg-shells with him. I became very unhealthy in every sense. I wouldn’t keep up with coursework, would ignore my family, became easily agitated and angry all the time (accept towards him), constant tears/depression, gained weight, sick all the time, the list goes on. He was even the one that ultimately ended things. He called me and said I was nothing but a fat w**** and hung up on me and disappeared completely. I had zero closure and that was really hard for me. Our paths happened to cross 3 years later and it was then that he said he did it for me because he knew I wouldn’t let go, which was probably true but he was still being a manipulative b****** and did not acknowledge his faults or the way he drug me along for his own weird ego.. he let me go when it was convenient for him to do so. I think he may have been an unhealthy ENTJ. Anyway, I will never fall victim to it again. I still compromise but I see things much more clear now and will call out a person who is trying to manipulate me for their own benefit. Healthy boundaries to me is to be able to feel free to be myself, even with the other person is around. I want to be able to watch a million youtube videos on different locking mechanisms without feeling they constantly need my energy or casting real judgement. I want to be able to go to my parents house without them accusing me of anything. I want to be able to have my same interests even if they don’t always match theirs. I don’t want there to be a huge emphasis on ownership of things or space but respect privacy, like.. being able to use each others cellphone but not digging through texts. It’s what I have now with my INTJ and it makes me happy. I do catch him taking a sniff at my DMs from time to time lol but it’s out of a place of curiosity, not mistrust. He is the best.
7. We struggle with starting a family
Ummm, I don’t know. I don’t think that it would ever define me. Like, I don’t see myself being “just” a mom, ever. I don’t think not having kids would make or break me either. Though, I’m not opposed and I think I would be a great mom. I don’t think I would necessarily have to have my own kids to be a mom to them either. I could see myself adopting or being a strong female role model to my sister’s kids or something. I like children. I think their little minds are interesting but I have never thought my life wouldn’t be complete with or without them. Now that I’m with my INTJ, I have more of a desire to procreate because I think we make a great duo and we would have interesting/intellectual kids that I would love to teach and nurture. I don’t think I have ever had a problem with being compassionate- until someone is nonsensical with their emotions or just downright in the wrong. Though, I don’t think kids need to be coddled in order to turn out right. I’m an extremely loving and patient person, but if you’re being ridiculous… you’re being ridiculous. I would take that time to sit them down and explain to them that they are out of line or explain why their perspective is not logical. I would try to teach them to think. I don’t think I would be traditional but in no way would I be a bad mom. The thing that appeals to me the most about being a parent is to teach them to think for themselves and to be dynamic.. and to build blanket forts and dig in dirt with them. The only three fears I have had about having kids are from a logical perspective..
1. I think there are too many humans on earth and that there are a lot of children that need homes already.. so why have my own? As I have gotten older I realize I’m a dying species and that I probably need to spread my genes and influence.
2. I’m unsure about the stability of the government and I would never want to bring my kid into a world where I can’t provide everything they need. As I have gotten older I realize that if that does happen.. I’ll find a way to protect and provide.. and it isn’t healthy to have too much anxiety about the future on “what ifs.”
3. I really don’t feel the need to have a human body growing inside me. It doesn’t sound magical at all. It sounds like a lot of work and painful.. and my body will most likely never be the same again. As I’ve gotten older I realize that I can get over it and that a lot of it stems from vanity.
This is how I would have written my post if I wasn’t impatient about it and/or on my phone.
All of this resonated with me completely, especially organization not being my strong suit. I change my process all the time.
The only way I could relate to some of the article is if I was in an inert state or a low mood. I do find if I don’t want to go anywhere, upkeep is less of a concern but outside of that, I will make an effort.
Your post also resonated with me! I think we were basically saying the same thing, actually, lol. I definitely spent way too much time writing this and was most definitely procrastinating… ha
The INTP woman seems to be grossly misunderstood from what I have seen. I think it will be interesting to see how this subject transforms overtime. I believe we will see that the stereotypes don’t quite hold true for the majority of INTP women. I read that INTP women are the most rare in the world population, though I’m not sure of the accuracy of these statistics.
My theory is that we were mostly killed off as witches and/or unruly wives. My mom used to tell me that she thought I would be a scientist that never married if I were born some decades prior. I took it as a compliment lol
My instagram is @kameowoman . It is the only social media I have. Feel free to follow so we can see what we are all up to.
I don’t know if you’re describing yourself, but the first part of your article doesn’t let me continue it, because of how not true it is. I’m an INTP and a Leo! and I totally love taking care of myself, being clean and looking as good as I possibly can. Always! I am my priority. Don’t use excuses, INTP doesn’t dictate entirely your passions, your values, your habits, your preference for beauty or cleanliness. So it really doesn’t contradict being feminine and it’s not just for men. Thank God I’m a woman because I couldn’t have been anything else! Feminine is not flirty nor slutty, there’s so much more to that. So this carelessness you’re talking about, is not because you are an INTP.
I share the same sentiments. I believe more INTP women in their 30s should start submitting content to provide more breadth. Much of what I read leans towards a template for male INTPs with a slightly feminine twist as opposed to a more well-rounded examination of the personality itself.
Realizing that INTP personality especially with T dominating is rare and even rarer in women helped bring me peace about never fitting in exactly. I wish I’d understood it much earlier in life. I’m 74, and would have probably burned fewer bridges, especially with close friends and family. I u derstand that few people are like me, and that I’ll have to work harder if I want companionship which is something that I crave at times.
This describes me to a T. I couldn’t care less about what I look like physically to others. I hate taking a lot of time on myself and even have a haircut that looks like it’s supposed to look sloppy. I wear comfortable clothing that stretches or is soft with lots of pockets for practicality. I’m lucky if I brush my hair every morning. I take showers and brush my teeth and wash my face and behind my ears often and am generally clean. I wore makeup one time in the last 5ish years. I’m very minimalistic when it comes to stuff and if I want to wear something fancy, I raid my mom’s closet since she is pretty girly and her closet is like a thrift store to me. I do care what I look like when it comes to athletic body, but it is more towards caring about my ability to do athletic things.
I am okay with messes as long as it is clean. I have two cats and their litter box gets changed regularly. I clean, but really hate cleaning. It’s boring and takes time and energy, but I enjoy the sense of accomplishment and feeling of succeeding in something after it is done. If I didn’t get those feelings, I honestly wouldn’t bother.
I am absolutely terrified of getting pregnant. I love kids, I just don’t want to be responsible for the kid. It would be soul sucking and draining to be a mom and I feel like I would lose my life, the way it is now, if I had a kid. On the flip side, I love kids and think they are fun, but I’d rather be the weird aunt than be the weird mom.
As for romantic relationships go. I don’t look for them. I’ve been in two serious relationships that I broke off. One was three months before I was going to marry the guy. Both were toxic.
The first was suffocating emotionally because he needed a type of love I wasn’t able to provide for him and he cared a lot about appearances and how things looked like to others rather than how they actually were. He was very two faced too. It was like he had a mask for every situation. I also felt like I was the only responsible party and it was like taking care of a 2 year old than dating a man. I felt important with him, but lost respect for him and trust because he lied a lot.
The second one… oh my gosh. Hot, but manipulative and two faced. I didn’t learn my lesson with the first one. This one on the other hand didn’t really seem to care for me on the way I needed care from a partner. I need to feel wanted and appreciated. I need my partner to be my best friend. It felt like I was being used to fill in a whole and then he lived his life and whenever he needed a fix he would come to me like an addict. Oh, and he was an addict. I am hugely against addiction of all kinds and he continuously lied to me and lost my trust and respect. He was weak and instead of fixing something, he pretends everything is and will be okay and super glues it until it falls apart later. I can’t be with someone who believes their own lies and continues to lie to me.
I am goal oriented. I set goals for everything to keep myself moving forward. I value self improvement and self discipline. These characteristics are highly attractive to me. I love seeing anyone putting forth the effort to care for themselves in all ways. Including mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I am passionate about going after ones goals as long as they are healthy. I also love it when others help me go after my goals and encourages me in a caring way. It doesn’t have to be tactful as long as it is genuine and out of love and care.
I actually am highly interested in odd ball stuff, but work as a mechanical draftsman. I love and have a passion for scuba diving and helicopters. I’m working on becoming a master diver right now and then will be focusing on pursuing a career in helicopters. I want to pilot, but if I end up designing them, that works too. I love adventure as long as I know what’s up next and what direction I’m going. I want purpose to what I do. I can’t go off and do things by myself without being completely bored by it even if it excited me before. I obsorb the excitement of those around me and that is what I want when going on adventures. I love new and weird and unusual things. They fascinate me and I want to break them apart and understand them and why they are how they are.
I am interested in military things, more specifically special forces. I admired special forces operatives and appreciate their abilities. I like the idea of being one, but I don’t think I’m built for it. Even if I don’t go after it, my physical and mental goals are based on things I’ve learned from researching special forces and motivational/inspirational videos and forums. I aspire to explore the potential I have to give the world. I, on the other hand, tend to explore other people’s potential and see what others can do and encourage them to do things I myself struggle with.
I am without a doubt an INTP female and am proud of my weird and unusual perspective of the world. I am not like people around me and although it hurts being misunderstood, I am proud of having something to offer that no one else has. I want to be the best me I can be and I want that for those around me.
Okay. I think this is a good spot to stop rambling.
I’m an INTP person (born female). And YES!!!
From the first one, my mum always tells me to take good care of my face, to dress pretty…I just don’t care about that. It’s not that I’m lazy (fine, I’m a bit lazy), it’s just that I don’t see that point of doing so. People should get to know me for me, not what I look like on the outside.
The struggles are real. But challenging is good 😀
Though I’d like to say that what makes a good parent is rather subjective. A lot of cultures expect feelers to be better parents, but honestly, being good with emotions isn’t the only thing a child should learn and there are also a lot of thinker type kids that just grow up being more rational in a way that’s still for kids. (Reading fun fact kids’ books about animals, maybe thinking of the pros and cons of a decision in a board game, calculating moves in a sport in school, etc.)
Kids also need to know how to think for themselves after all and think things through. A lot of impulsive kids need to know this and a lot of teenagers that get easily swayed by peer pressure needs to be taught critical thinking too. Not to mention that having someone to be there to teach them a love of learning and reading can really support their development.
All in all, thinkers can be very underrated sometimes in parenting. Of course, you’d need to develop feeling functions on some level to parent, but that doesn’t mean not adding some of your strengths either.
Clearly, it’s not always the father that teaches this side, and it’s not always the mother that develop the softer side of parenting. It gets even more complicated with same sex marriages, but generally, people growing up need a healthy amount of both for their type.
this is very…. sexist…
it comes a lot like “I’m not like other girls, I have a brain”.
i’m the only NP among my friends (and one of the rare intuitives among family&friends) and a lot of these apply to a lot of my women friends.
It’s the Whys that vary.
Okay my friend told me it would be fun to try out this test for 16 personality so I tried it and I got INTP-T didn’t think much of it then started to research it to only figure out that INTP is rare with a 3% of person have it and for women it is almost 1% have this personality I am one of those women and I have always wondered why I don’t have any friends that are girls ok I lied I have 2 friends that are girls I started to have a minor panic attack. Then I kept reading and found this article and read it and all of the thing said are too true for me so my panic attack got worse. I calmed down and wrote this.
I don’t agree with most of these and I am an INTP. I have had 5 kids, love girly stuff and care about how I look. Perhaps astrology plays a part? Heavy Leo influence. I think that we have to understand that these types can carry spectrums. Not all of us are going to fit neatly in this well-carved box of “INTP females.” I do struggle with making female friends, though. They are much too fussy and hard to maintain. I do, however, identify with the chaotic inability to be a housewife. I try very hard, but am much better with a career. Despite the large family, I do value my autonomy a great deal and need to be alone to feel normal. Taking in a movie (sans kiddos) or a long bath is always a stay-cation.
The only thing I cant relate is about being a mother. I want to have kids SO.MUCH.
I can agree that all traits you sketch could be the traits of an intp female. As everything is possible. But i can not agree with you that these traits are a must for an intp female. Every intp female, and everyone else for that matter, is unique. Besides beeing an intp female ( why not put myself in a box since we are at it), i am the ones who raised me, the ones that teased me, i am my teachers, my peers and my fears. I am the one, i am the only me there is.
INTP female here.
Agree with most of this statement. I don’t care for flowers, teddy bears etc etc cause it’s a waste of money. It’s a nice gesture but a waste of money. Never feared becoming a mother. Am a good one.
Work, never be a personal assistant, I’d really rather not have to work with people, from home is BEST if that were not possible, I’d require a job with very little interacting with people. Actually truthfully, what I’d prefer to be/do is be a stay at home “soccer” mom, 2 kids MAX! Raise a family.
I live and have a great great time in my head, thinking and re-thinking. Being in my head is quite amusing and entertaining and I’d have a lot of time for that.. cleaning the house/cooking
INTP female raised by an INTP female here.
I didn’t really agree with most of it? It felt like it was just trying to stereotype women, men, and INTP women. I agreed more with most of the comments above.
I don’t care for makeup or looking nice and I am a terrible housewife. (I can’t even keep one room clean…)
However, I have zero problem making female friends. I actually feel like I relate much more to girls than guys. And anyways, I have fairly well-rounded interests, so I did like some girly stuff, just not a ton of it.
As for the being bad parents thing? Well, my mother is an INTP, so I definitely strongly disagree with that.
Newly discovered INTP female
The whole stereotype of us being emotionless husks, men and women need to die. I don’t want to write a whole soliloquy about myself, but I want to address here on some things that I do agree with and disagree with
#1: I care about my looks. I was always a very well put together person. How I shop and buy my clothes are very simple. I see something that I like and I buy it in about 4-5 different colors. I don’t really like to spend time shopping forever, but I do like to look good. I don’t do my make up in the mirror for a long time, but when I was younger, it took me about 10 minutes. Now I don’t wear make up at all, because as you get older, you do tend to not care as much, and I think that generally goes universally to be honest.
#2: I see different reviews with this, but I actually wholeheartedly agree with this one. I could never relate to women and I still can’t. I’ve always been able to relate to men and I still can. Women are too catty and filled with too much drama which is something that I try to avoid like the plague. I don’t get that with men.
#3: I agree with this only in the respect of I don’t really like that traditionalistic bullshit, so in that respect, if a man wants a traditional wife, I’m not it, but if a man wants a good wife, then here I am. I’m not like average woman, and I have been told this.
#4: When I was younger, I agree with this completely. As I’ve become older, I noticed that going on numerous interviews and being a manager multiple times actually helped me with social interaction as well as working on my assertiveness. Was I a good manager? Not really, but dealing with different personality types did help me assert myself better with people as well as learning how to socialize better and maintain eye contact.
#5: I used to be affectionate when I was younger, and I would still state that I am, but what I can say is this: diamonds and all of that materialistic BS really doesn’t move me in a relationship. What moves me is when a man randomly thinks of me and purchases something like that, when he wants to learn with me and take interest in my thoughts. I don’t mind PDA, and cuddles and things of that nature and I don’t even mind being goofy (I prefer it actually). Just give me my space when I need it, and don’t be intrusive, and we will be fine.
#6: I VERY MUCH value my independence. I’ve valued it honestly since I was younger. As far as the healthy boundaries, I actually didn’t know how to set them for myself because I wasn’t taught self love, or self respect or anything like that. I had to learn that on my own. I still have trouble setting healthy boundaries, but it’s much better now than what it was when I was younger. MUCH better.
#7: I agree with this one, even though I have a son. I never was the one who liked children to be honest, but now because I have a son, he’s expanded my horizon on why kids are actually amazing. Do I still have issues bonding with my son and other kids? Why of course! But I make more of an effort to try now. I don’t want my son to live life conventionally and I will see to it that he doesn’t. Most parents buy their kids toys; I like to buy my son toys that he can learn from. Since my son is forever going to have a STEM parent (I am a medical junkie/knowledge hoarder on that respect), I just bought him this past Christmas a book on the human body as well as a globe that turns into a night light that shows all of the constellations in the Galaxy.
INTP women are definitely something that many don’t understand BECAUSE the general descriptions are pandered to men. I do respect the author for trying to understand us as many people do not.
….and this is a bonus issue with INTPs: we try to write short explanations and they NEVER end up that way.
This is an excellent article and a very accurate assessment of the INTP female personality. I identified with it 100%. Ignore all of the emotional whiners who are trying to hijack this personality type, and redefine it, just because it’s now trendy for one to be an INTP. They’re just a bunch of attention-seeking ESFPs, thirsty for the spotlight, as per usual.
I agree INTP is a dying breed (re: women).
I believe INTP women need to interact.
I do not know how to do this.
I do not want to.waste slot of time reading blogs.
I would like to support other INTP women in my community.
I would like to know how to do that.
I am not a lesbian. Understand that. Please
Well then. I am a woman and took this test when I was 17 and have repeated it over the years, I am now 47. I have always been an INTP but really never understood it until now. I’m not crazy, I really do rub people the wrong way. it’s HARD to lie, exaggerate, or bullshit, it’s such a waste of my time. I do not understand dishonesty, beating around the bush, and conversations that go beyond “what if”. I have NEVER related to women. They are such a pain in the ass. Always complaining and moaning and crying and playing emotional games. We are rare, like glass created by lightning. My brain is always on, arranging and re-arranging. I’ve probably solved 80% of the worlds problems in my head. And intuition so really be underlined in the INTP. We “feel” when something isn’t right and it’s the most aggravating feeling ever until either the shoe drops or you figure it out. I have to read or play video games or my brain would just run on and on and on.
Now the fashion part may be due to me being a New Yorker and I love my body butter b/c functionally, the skin is an organ and I never want to be an old crusty ass lady! I’m immaculate in my house b/c it gives my brain something to organize. My car, is like a damn cess pool and probably holds the cure for some disease. Definitely not lovey dovey. I mean I can appreciate some of it but it’s overboard like more for them then me. Not emotional, I am logical. I have at least 3 back up plans for everything I set out to do. I had my first child at 30 and my last at 41. Never wanted to be bogged down with children until I felt like it. We really don’t do shit that we don’t want to do and could care less about your opinion. I’d say a growth of emotions to relate to other people might be helpful. BUT, in all honesty, the majority of humans out here are real douches. We have an uncanny ability to spot bullshit, it’s like a physical force that crosses our souls and makes us want to choke that person out. I’ve rarely come across a genuine person, they are all trying to get over in some way. This may be why we are such introverts and prefer smaller groups. We don”t have time or inclination to stroke your kitty cat.
Knowing this shit when I was younger would of been damn helpful. The core elements and traits of an INTP female are true.
Very, very accurate!