It’s always nice to have someone in your life, but we all need our personal space. Everybody has the right to set appropriate boundaries and have them respected.
Remember that not everyone needs and wants the same thing out of a relationship. People have different ideas of what is good and healthy, and it can take some negotiation before you both come to an agreement on how much personal space you should both have.
Of course, it is all well and good to say something like this, but in practice, carving out your own personal space can be difficult. You need to notice that it is happening. Not everyone does. You need to be able to handle it. Not everyone can.
1. Cherish your individuality
Take a look at your life. Are you an individual, or are you seen as being part of a whole? Many people find themselves treated as part of a conglomerate when they become part of a relationship. You might be one of them. If you are finding that your relationship has taken your individuality away from you, then you need to take steps to change that.
If you find yourself losing your individuality, insist on some personal space. Try and redefine some space and habits as ‘yours’ as a person, as distinct from ‘yours’ as a couple. Try and make or keep something to yourself, that you can use to define who you are.
2. Try not to suffocate
There is such a thing as seeing too much of one another. Spending all of your time together isn’t healthy and, in fact, can lead to being co-dependent, which is the kiss of death. It is easy to assume that, as a couple, you should naturally be spending all of your time together. Those social conventions that have both partners automatically invited to events also don’t help with that.
Are you finding yourself always spending time with your partner? Too many people find themselves in the position of being always with the same person. It can be difficult to find a way to pull away, but that’s what you have to do.
Find time to spend with your family and friends. Take up a hobby, or even just make a habit of spending time taking a walk every day. To spend all your time together is to risk getting tired of each other, and that will end your relationship. You need to give yourself some personal space somehow, whether it is through friends, a hobby, or just being away from your partner.
3. Outside interests
Do you have any of your own interests, or do you find that you do everything together? One of the most common ways people are told to find their partner is through taking up a hobby. It makes sense that you will have some things in common, just not all of them. Unfortunately, a lot of people try to do everything together, and it makes for a fairly boring time.
If you find that you spend all your time together, on one person’s hobbies, try and state a claim for your own time and personal space. This can be through simply staying at home while your partner goes out (and doing whatever you want while they are there), or finding your own hobbies.
The emphasis is on being your own person and doing your own thing. Even if you met your partner doing one particular hobby, it doesn’t mean you have to do everything together! Carve out your own personal space and do something that you want to do. And do it alone.
4. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
If you spend all of your time together, you might find that the magic begins to fade rather quickly. People do get tired of each other. Do you feel like you are stuck? Do you feel as if you do the same things, and spend the same time together, day after day after day? Spending all of your time together will eventually mean that you grow tired of the site of one another and that you run out of things to say to one another.
If you feel like this is happening to you, then you need to take steps to ensure your own personal space. Take a holiday on your own, if you can. If you can’t, then try and get some time to yourself, even if it just to go to the local park and read a book.
Taking time for yourself keeps things fresh and new, and ensures that you don’t get tired of your partner. Just think: you could see a dog walk on its hind legs at the park – something to talk about when you get home.
5. Why are you with them?
Sometimes we can look at people and wonder why we spend time with them. It’s when you see yourself reaching this point that you need to carve out some personal space.
Everyone has reasons for why they are with the person they are with – they might have a wonderful laugh or an encyclopaedic knowledge of the Die Hard movies, but there is something there. Too much time together, and you can lose sight of that.
If this is happening, then you need to evaluate your needs. Try and figure out what you want and what you need in order to get it. Having some personal space can remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.