6 Signs of Insecurity Which Show That You Don’t Know Who You Are

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signs of insecurity

Insecurity can show up in many ways, including arrogance or low self-esteem, to name just two. Ultimately, insecurity comes from the ego and shows that you do not accept yourself the way you are. The following signs of insecurity indicate that you should get to know and love yourself better.

Insecurity comes from our fear of ‘not having enough’ or ‘not being enough’. These fears are ego based. When we are insecure, we worry about what others think of us and do not have a strong sense of self and healthy self-esteem. Here are a few signs of insecurity that could mean you need to shut out the voice of the ego and be true to yourself.

1. Boasting

One of the most common signs of insecurity is boasting about what you have and what you have achieved. Insecure people boast to try to impress other people. They do this because they fear deep down inside that there is something about them that is not good enough. They then become desperate for validation from the world outside.

However, if you have a secure sense of self, you don’t feel the need to impress others all the time. And you certainly don’t need other people to validate you.

2. Controlling

People who are very controlling can sometimes appear to be strong. However, controlling behaviour actually comes from fear and insecurity. In fact, it is one of the most common signs of insecurity.

When we fear that we might not be able to cope with what life throws at us, we try desperately to control the world around us and keep it within certain boundaries so that we feel safe and secure. This can lead us to control other people as we can only feel safe if they act in predictable ways.

When we know that we can cope with life no matter what happens, we no longer feel the need to rigidly control everything in order to feel safe. We can then begin to go with the flow and enjoy life in all its messy glory.

3. Anxiety

Anxiety often comes from a feeling of not being good enough, too. Often when we are anxious, we are afraid of what other people may think of us, or we are afraid we will mess up in some way.

People who are secure in themselves don’t feel anxious about things so much. This is because they do not place so much emphasis on being right all the time. Although they may still set high standards for themselves, they do not beat themselves up for every perceived mistake. They accept that they are only human and that sometimes they will get things wrong and that’s okay.

4. People pleasing

A clear sign of insecurity is the need to please other people all the time. This gets in the way of living your own life. It can sometimes feel like your life does not belong to you when you are constantly trying to make others happy.

People with high self-esteem show caring and compassion for others but do not feel they are responsible for other people’s happiness. And that is absolutely true. You are not responsible for other people’s happiness and you do not need to protect or rescue them from every uncomfortable thing they might experience.

If you are a people pleaser, it is essential that you make room in your life for you. It is vital that you get a chance to do the things that make you happy and follow your own dreams and not just help others achieve theirs.

Unfortunately, people pleasing can lead to resentment and a feeling of martyrdom. This is not a healthy way to be. People pleasing is not good for you and it is also not good for others as it is often detrimental to their growth, too.

5. Perfectionism

If you feel like nothing you do is good enough, or you spend an excessive amount of time getting things ‘just right,’ then this may be a sign of insecurity. This usually comes down to a fear of failure or criticism. You find it difficult to let go and move on from a job because you fear the outcome may not be what you hoped.

Unfortunately, this can lead to you getting stuck, never being able to complete things or spending far too long on everything you do. This can mean you fail to meet deadlines or let people down. This has a detrimental effect on your self-esteem and can be a downward spiral.

Perfectionism can be hard to break away from, but once again, having a healthy sense of self, as well as being kinder and more accepting of who you are, is the place to start.

6. Depression

Feelings of depression can often be a sign of insecurity. Depression can occur when a buildup of fear causes you to retreat from life.

Depression often makes us withdraw from the world so that we won’t get hurt or criticised or won’t fail. By building up a healthy sense of self you can venture out into the world without so much fear and anxiety.

Of course, depression is not always easy to recover from, but starting with small acts of self-care and being gentle with yourself is a good way to begin to move out of debilitating depression.

Closing thoughts

Our modern culture does not encourage us to look deeply into our feelings, values and what is meaningful to us. But it is essential to do this to understand who you are. Once you have an idea of what you value and what you like about yourself, you can begin to build your self-esteem.

If you experience the above signs of insecurity, you can begin to work on overcoming them one by one. By doing this, you will become less affected by outside circumstances and other people. You will begin to develop an inner core of self-belief and joy instead.

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Kirstie works as a writer, blogger and storyteller and lives in London with her family of people, dogs and cats. She is a lover of reading, writing, being in nature, fairy lights, candles, firesides and afternoon tea. Kirstie has trouble sitting still which is why she created www.notmeditating.com to share techniques and practices for tuning out the busy mind. She is also the author of Not Meditating: Finding Peace, Love and Happiness Without Sitting Still.


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One Comment

  1. Gary Hynous June 10, 2018 at 9:23 pm - Reply

    Hi Kirstie, Always enjoy reading your blog. I suffered with anxiety and depression for many years as a result of falling “victim” to a nerve disorder which causes my neck to constantly spasm and twist painfully . This disorder is called cervical dystonia. This disorder brought an early end to a really good career and I was really angry about what had happened to me. I have had 5 major surgeries including 3 brain surgeries and an implant in my chest. I realized after a lot of suffering that I was not my disease. It was only a part of who I am. I needed to put this problem in its’ place relative to all that was good in my life. At present I can do just about anything I could do before this happened to me as a result of a change in my thinking. Regular exercise has helped a whole lot along with a good diet, meditation, prayer and clear thinking. I hope this may help someone else with this type of physical disability.

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